Toblerone line Puns

Hi all please help, I have just rescued a German shepherd who is 1 year 11 months old, weighs 21.5kg and is spayed.

I might have covid and am suffering from horrid fatigue. I went to sleep in bed and a parcel was posted for me, which was a present of a box of chocolates.

Whilst I was asleep, she managed to open it and get into them but hasn’t managed to get past most of the plastic to eat many.

She has eaten 5 chocolates from the selection box - all mainly milk chocolate, a couple coated with a thin layer of dark chocolate. Some also have a VERY tiny sprinkling of almond/hazelnut on them. The weigh approx 3-5g each

I’m terrified, I’ve had her for 3 weeks and we’re each other’s family now. I feel like such a horrid dog owner and I’m worried she’ll get sick.

This happened anytime from half an hour to an hour ago and she’s just sleeping as normal at the moment.

I’m concerned because I’m self isolating I can’t take her to the vets, it’s also the late evening here and they aren’t open but do have an emergency line if I need it.

An old lab of mine once managed to open a cupboard and eat an entire toblerone with no issues.

If it helps, my GSD was found on the streets and eating whatever she could managed to find. I hope it’s not wishful thinking to think that she might be able to tolerate some funkier food because of this?

Please help, what do i do? I can’t just go somewhere to get anything because of possibly having covid (still waiting for my test result but I feel like shit), I don’t have anything to induce vomiting.

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

Do your worst!

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

Heard they've been doing some shady business.

BamBOO!

They’re on standbi

Long trip report. Tl dr; first time: WOW!

First. A big thank you Minty for your fantastic support on the internet. A great lightworker you are.

My setup. Aegis solo. Mesh pro RDA from Aliexpress. SS 200 ohm. Temp 204 degrees celsius. 35W

First try, 10mg white Gordotek extract. I had great difficulty inhaling it for 10 seconds. After about 6 seconds I had to cough. Lots of smoke left my mouth and I was shure I didn’t take all spice in from the mesh.

Even so. Pff. Blast of! Wtf?!

A bit of background. I am familiar with high dose Ayahuasca, Mushrooms, Psilohuasca (mushroom +maoi), San Pedro, 2CB, 2CB-FLY, 5meo-dmt, kambo and more.

I layed back on bed immediately and it was clear that the patters where going to be there only shortly. I expected a pre stage with some colors. Hahaha. No way.

The first 5 seconds I saw extreme changing patters. Like lasers on the ceiling in white. Bit projected in the mind. I was surprised how vivid and clear they where! Nothing like vaguely patterns. They where as sharp and bright as a projection from a disco light. They had different shapes but a smiley was the one that made most impression. They turned around there own axe and all around a center axe.

I tried to make a mental note because I knew blast of was coming. ‘Reset’ came to mind. ‘Explosion’ in mind. Lightning. A crackling hissing sharp needle image with a point of extreme energy that seemed to emerse from it.

I do not remember a tunnel or something I had to go through. I was able to relax into the experience because of my previous experience with psychedelics. It was very exciting and scary.

Let go. Let go.

The next thing on my sides clearly another realm opened. I was no longer in my bed but in a purple / pink toblerone triangle shape donut. All kind of imagery that I cannot remember because I cannot put it in a mental box that I recognize.

One thing that stood out was a very big transparent round thing, like a big coin split in half. It entered my real 3d world by bending all air and the ceiling. The ceiling did not bend but all pixels where replaced by a see through glassy round shape. It turned back to the other higher realm and I saw it there too. I saw in two dimensions. I did not feel an intelligence.

The room I was in was exactly the space I had been in with high dose Ayahuasca sessions. As in those sessions the same thing happend again:

About four keywords are placed in me and they are of utmost importance. When I he

Pilot on me!!

Christopher Walken

Nothing, he was gladiator.

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

Or would that be too forward thinking?

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

When I got home, they were still there.

I won't be doing that today!

[Removed]

Where ever you left it 🤷‍♀️🤭

This morning, my 4 year old daughter.

Daughter: I'm hungry

Me: nerves building, smile widening

Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.

She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.

Thank you all for listening.

There hasn't been a post all year!

You take away their little brooms

It was about a weak back.

It’s pronounced “Noel.”

Why