Years ago just after getting out of the Navy, I was going through jobs until I found one that suited me and my Navy skills. I took a job with an asphalt company. I was hired mainly to drive a dump truck bc I had a chauffeur's license. A little more background to the story; I was down on my luck, my car was being sought after for repossession, I was evicted from "secretly" living with my girlfriend as she was in section 8 housing. Her sister's boyfriend's dad owned this small time paving company. Let's call him Ted, bc that's the prick's name. Ted also owned a large house that he rented out to employees. It was more of a flophouse and party house. We all supplemented our measley incomes by selling plasma as often as we could. On payday, Ted would have us meet him at his bank to cash our paychecks and immediately pay him his rent. Ted's paving company was small time. I think he owned 6 various vehicles. In Missouri, all vehicles have to have an annual safety inspection. Well, Mr Tightwad Ted has a brother that does said inspections... Illegally, of course. Ted would pay his brother cash for inspection stickers for vehicles that were never inspected nor would they even come close to passing. One day I was honestly and truly sick as a dog. I called off sick. I was immediately fired. Not working for him any longer also meant you couldn't live in his shit hole flop house. Homeless and vengeful, I did what any safety conscious person would do. I called the Missouri Highway Patrol that governs the inspections and reported all the illegal vehicles and the inspection station just for spite. Poor Ted was forced to shut his shitty little business down as he couldn't afford to get all of his vehicles up to passing. As a bonus, his brother lost his inspection license along with fines, I'm sure.
Do your worst!
It really does, I swear!
For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂
They’re on standbi
Buenosdillas
Pilot on me!!
I'm surprised it hasn't decade.
Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.
This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.
If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.
Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.
When I got home, they were still there.
What did 0 say to 8 ?
" Nice Belt "
So What did 3 say to 8 ?
" Hey, you two stop making out "
I won't be doing that today!
You take away their little brooms
This morning, my 4 year old daughter.
Daughter: I'm hungry
Me: nerves building, smile widening
Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.
She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.
Thank you all for listening.
There hasn't been a post all year!
It’s pronounced “Noel.”
After all his first name is No-vac
[Removed]
What, then, is Chinese rap?
Edit:
Notable mentions from the comments:
-
Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits
-
French/Finnish art
-
Country/Canadian rap
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Chinese/Country/Canadian rock
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Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap
There hasn't been a single post this year!
(Happy 2022 from New Zealand)
Nothing, it just waved
Bob
Just to clarify, 12345678
So that I could frequently say, "I am going to walk 5 miles now."
Edit: My most popular post on Reddit! 😀 Thank you for the awards.
Me grabbing a soda from my (what I thought was) half full 12pk...
Notices there's only 2;
Me: "Awe man... This is a damn bird box!" Her: "What the hell does that mean?!" Me: (Pulls both cans out & shows them to her) "It's only got Toucans."
I'm not ashamed to admit the look on her face was glorious.
I was just sitting there doing nothing.
