A list of puns related to "Tied Up"
Kurt and Rod
It was a running gag.
Maud
a hairball
It was a pun knot intended.
The sheriff of Knottingham was the one who got him.
He dyed.
Baby goats make way too much of a mess to keep them in the house
The bartender says, βHey! Arenβt you the rope that I just threw out?β
The rope replied, βNo. Iβm a frayed knot.β
But I wood knot do that if I were ewe.
Both were very nice but I couldnβt decide which I liked more.
I shit you knot
"Old habits dye hard".
βI shit, you knot.β
With an astroknot!
I ended up skipping dinner.
Then ask someone, "which of the 2 flaps do you think will unravel first?"
After they guess, let in unravel and go, "Its a tie!"
...continue doing this to every single person you can in the room wearing a shit eating grin the whole time, until your wife pulls you aside and tells you it's time to leave (out of embarrassment and frustration).
now you get to go back home and do Dad stuff as you please!
They ended up in a tie!
With an astro-knot
It's a great bonding experience!
When an eel bites your hand, And that's not what you planned, That's a moray.
When our habits are strange, And our customs deranged, That's our mores.
When your horse munches straw, And the bales total four, That's some more hay.
When Othello's poor wife Becomes stabbed with a knife, That's a Moor, eh?
When a Japanese knight Uses his sword in a fight, That's Samurai.
When your sheep go to graze In a damp marshy place, That's a moor, eh?
When your boat comes home fine And you tie up her line, That's a moor, eh?
When you ace your last tests Like you did all the rest, That's some more "A"s!
In New Zealand you see An aborigine, That's a Maori.
Alley Oop's homeland has A space gun with pizzazz, That's a Moo Ray.
A comedian ham, With the name Amsterdam, That's a Morey.
When your chocolate graham, Is so full and so crammed, That s'more, eh.
When you've had quite enough, Of this dumb rhyming stuff, That's "No more!", eh?
They climb up a couple of bar stools and have a seat. One of them says to the bartender, "Hey, give me and my partner here a beer would you?"
The bartender replied, "Sorry, we don't serve strings here."
So they climb down off of the bar stools and slither across the floor and out of the bar.
One says to the other,"Lets go down the street. I know of a better bar than this one anyways."
"Now wait a minute, said the other string.This is clearly discrimination!"
"Well what do you intend to do about it?"said the other string?
"I'm going to go back in with a disguise and I'll get that damn beer." So he ties himself in a knot, frazzles up one end of himself,goes back into the bar,slithers across the floor and climbs up the bar stool. He says to the bartender, "I'd like a beer please."
The bartender says," Wait a minute . Aren't you the same piece of string that was in here a while ago?"
So the string said, "No.I'm a frayed knot.
Before you let your kids get a puppy, take the Puppy Test.
Best taken in the autumn or mid winter.
Itβs a running joke.
So today, I had a conversation with my friend while walking home from school. At one point my lace untied and he pointed that out to me while we were walking past a 7eleven. I am horrible at making puns so forgive me. I shall call him J
J: You u should tie up your shoes
Me(pointing to the lays packet in the store): I can't be bothered tying my shoe-lays
J: You should stop spread them all around the "play-se" (place)
Me: Well maybe you should stop lay-zing around and actually study(he couldn't reply to that cuz all he does is lay-ing around aimlessly. Haha! See what I did there!)
Conversation deviates
Me: come follow me to Cheers let's look for a giftcard
J: nah
Me: get your lay-z ass over to cheers u ungrateful bitch! u make my life lays miserables
I had to go to court and was wearing a suit and tie. My 10 year old daughter thought this was fantastic for dress up was very interested. I took this as a teachable moment and wanted to tell her about showing respect for your personal appearance and showing up professionally. So I asked her, do you know why I dressed like this? She said to be professional. I said I want to show that I respect myself and I have respect for the court so I dressed accordingly. She laughed and said, "You mean you dressed acourtingly."
tl;dr
Daughter dad joked me about wearing a suit about dressing accourtingly
A tight supremacist
A cowboy rides his horse up to a saloon and ties it outside. He enters the bar, sits down, and orders a whiskey.
Minutes later he hears someone ride off with his horse. He runs outside, and sure enough, his horse is gone.
He goes back in the saloon, fires his gun three times in the air, and says "At the count of ten my horse better be back here. I don't want to do what I had to do in Laredo."
A few minutes later, he sees through the door his horse being returned.
Just before he leaves the saloon, the bartender whispers to him "so what did you have to do in Laredo?"
The cowboy says "I had to walk home".
I said: Why knot
A man and a woman are sitting in a bar. After some time, the woman notices that the man has not looked in her direction once. Curious, she asks the man if he would like to buy her a drink.
Playing coy the man responds, "Ma'am, you are beautiful indeed, but are you talented as well?"
Feeling flirty, the woman takes a cherry from the bar and puts it in her mouth, stem and all. Within seconds she swallows the cherry, spits out the seed, and reveals the stem, tied in a perfect knot.
The man chuckles. Without another word he picks up a cherry and pulls off the stem. He puts the stem in his mouth, and pounds the rest of his beer in one gulp, revealing and empty mouth to the woman.
Perplexed, the woman asks, "Is that supposed to impress me?"
Confidently, the man replies, "Indeed I do believe it will."
She laughs and says, "It will? Are you shitting me?"
He responds, "I shit you knot."
βHm, thatβs a good question, son. I think I have an idea.β
βOkay, dad. What is it?β
βYou should post a story about an old man tying balloons to his house to fly away and a Boy Scout joining him as they float down to South America.β
βWhy would I post that, dad?β
βBecause then when people like it, youβll get a lot of Up votes.β
Before he sits down the bartender yells βHey! We donβt serve pieces of string like you!β
The piece of string goes outside, ties himself in a bow, and rolls around on the ground for a bit. Then he gets up, goes back into the bar, and sits down.
The bartender says βArenβt you that piece of string?β The string replies βNo. Iβm a frayed knot.β
Tie up their hands.
Because it was all tied up!
They're always tied up in their work
Rope replies Iβm a frayed knot.
Then then underside...
I let them go...
It a TIE!
They ended up in a tie
The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve strings here!"
They go outside and one of the strings messes up his hair and ties himself up. He walks back inside and the bartender says, "Aren't you one of those strings I just got rid of?"
The string says, "I'm a frayed knot!"
Bartender says "Hey! You're too young to be in here! Get lost!"
The string goes outside, and to disguise himself, ties himself in a loop and messes up his hair and walks back in.
The bartender sees him and yells "Hey! Aren't you the string I just threw out of here!?"
"I'm a frayed knot."
They ended up in a tie
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.