So I went home.
Student: "Sir, someone nutted on the floor!"
Me: *Begins to get angry* *Turns around... there's a hex nut on the floor*
Me: "Well played."
What did the janitor say when he came out of the closet?
Supplies!
Billy replied “I drew a blank”
Spelling
Co-teacher: "Students name" came in and said he lost his throat.
Me: Oh no! Did he check where he last remembered having it?
Co-teacher: He couldn't say.
I got my Ion you
... her name was Miss Anne Thrope.
I thought it was a bit harsh to hold a 6 year old back for 3 years.
“Around the legs with your head out of the way” says the student.
When someone asks can they go to the bathroom he would say "if you can't urine trouble"
If you're skydiving and your parachute cord is tangled, don't worry about it. You have the rest of your life to figure it out.
Just felt wrong.
Back in the day, we didn't have very tasty soup. Because of this, we put the elbow of the youngoust son in the soup. We did this every time, 30 minutes long. The soup would taste a bit more like meat.
One day, it tasted like sugar.
That's how we discovered he had diabetes.
In class my teacher asked "So who can tell me what is special about lactones?"
Well they can't sing, for one.
We were reviewing different forms of traumatic injuries in my EMT class such as traffic collisions, gun shot wounds, and resulting effects and treatments for the injuries when my teacher pulls this one on us:
Teacher: "So what would come after falls then?"
Student: "Spinal immobilization?"
Teacher: "Winters."
Edit: some words
Teacher: How old are you?
pupil: 16 sir
Teacher: Oh yeah? I was 16 when I was your age
Teacher: "Ok guys, don't forget your test is tomorrow!"
Friend: "How big is the test?"
Teacher: "8.5 by 11"
We were just going over some exam questions, when he said this:
"Yes, I could've made the test easier. You would've gotten questions like:
What is the symbol for Nobelium?
A. Yes B. No
..."
He was drawing graphs on the whiteboard
Him: "How am I going to draw this line?'
Me: "With the marker in your hand."
http://i.imgur.com/nopDbpw.jpg
Why couldn't Mozart and Beethoven find their teacher?
He was Haydn.
We're in AP Comp Sci learning about converting to hex values.
He writes up on the board: B9 (a hex value)
Teacher: (After explaining how to convert) So that's about it, class. To be honest, it's really pretty benign (points to B9)
Laughter and groans ensued.
The other day we were doing an experiment in chemistry, when I noticed the bottle of Hydrochloric Acid was empty.
I decided to notify the teacher of this.
"Sir, the acid's run out."
"Well then, you better go and catch it."
A girl asked him about the final, "how long is it going to be?" Teacher: "about 11 by 8 1/2 inches."
Before a final a girl in my class asked him, "is the test hard?" To which he picks up the final and moves it a bit and says, "I don't know, it's kind of flimsy!"
What's a physicists favorite food?
Fission chips.
Teacher: " Hows your relationship with electricity?"
Me: "Oh, its on again off again"
Someone would walk into class with "pre-ripped" jeans on.
Teacher: Oh hey, wearing your golf pants today?
Student: What? What do you mean?
Teacher: Your golf pants! They got 18 holes!
He was grocery shopping with his 4 kids and a guy went by and said
"Daddy sure looks like his hands are full!"
And his youngest daughter, Elaina who is around 7,replied
"Actually, if you look at my dad right now, his hands are clearly empty."
Mom: Luke, Ms. _____ says that you're doing very well in class except for one thing. She says that when you do work, you're rushin'. So just try your best to take your time.
Dad: Luke, when you go back to school tell your teacher that you're American, not Russian.
She had told a joke in class and nobody laughed, so she said "Wow, you guys have very low energy levels..." I got out of my seat and laid on the ground. She stared at me with a confused look.... So I said "I'm in a grounded state!" She was the only one to laugh...
He was the cool guy teacher, so all the guys were always all buddy buddy with him. We would generally speak to him in a less professional manner. One day I said "hey teacher, I'm gonna go take a piss." To which he promptly responded, "You might want to leave one instead."
"Hello everyone. You can call me 'sir', you can call me 'teacher', just don't call me late for dinner."
"I can predict when the Canadian Dollar drops" Drops Dollar
We were doing early morning review sessions for AP euro. I was running late and instead of cooking breakfast, I just grabbed a package of ramen noodles to eat in review.
While in review, I was happily munching on my 'breakfast' when my teacher walked up to me. The following conversation ensued.
Teacher: What are you eating?
Me: Just some ramen.
Teacher: Raw?
Me: Yeah, I like it raw.
Teacher: You don't cook it?
Me: Sometimes when I have the time.
Teacher: Well, you know, if you cooked it, it wouldn't be RAWmen.
groan
"There was a kidnapping at this school today. But don't worry, kids. He woke up"
We were talking about a peasant revolution in the 1800's in Sicily.
Classmate: So, why were the peasants revolting?
Teacher: Well that's a mean thing to say.
