He said, "oui, wee."
Troy Story.
It's probably why they didn't sell many in Latin America.
My 3 year old brother came up to me (and everyone else in the house several times each) to tell a joke he made up (translated from Turkish but works in English anyway).
3yo: Do you need to go to the bathroom (a question we ask him frequently)?
Me: No
3yo: Are you sure?
Me: Yes?
3yo: Oh, hi Sure!
Today we were eating and my son ate a carrot without using the fork so my wife promptly said: "Don't eat with your fingers..." to which he answered: "I'm eating with my mouth!"
I was soooo happy and my wife had to let it slide...
(We don't speak English so I hope the joke isn't lost in the translation)
EDIT: Thanks for all the upvotes :) This was an unexpected surprise to wake up to. Very happy that it translates in to English so well. Now some clarifications:
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Yes... the carrots were cooked, we are not psychopaths (in regards to our eating habbits)
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My son is 10 years old and still living at home
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We all speak English, just not our native language and not used at the dinner table
So my dad broke his wrist the other day. He asked the doctor, if he could play the piano after the healing process. The doctor said: Yeah, sure. My dad: Great, couldn't do that before.
Translated from German. Hope you still enjoy it ;)
The Iliad is called that because Ilium was another name for Troy, and the -ad suffix used to mean “The Story of”. So, if we translated the title, The Iliad should actually be called Troy Story
I didn't make the joke in english but it translates well.
We just had lunch and my mom was clearing out the table and putting stuff in the dishwasher while my brothers and my dad were talking about the party we were going to that afternoon. My mom and dad would go there by bike and my brothers and I would take the car.
Then my mom said: "should I turn on the dishwasher so everything will be clean when we'll return?"
On which I commented: "That's not fair, we go by car, and you by bike, while the dishwasher has to run?"
So I'm British and my wife is Korean. She is ALWAYS asking for tissue to wipe her nose as it's constantly running.
So joke 1: Baby, are you entering your nose in a marathon? Wife puzzled look Because it's always running.
This led to a problem, she didn't understand it straight away. I was incensed, I explained it and got a few laughs from the family but it wasn't enough, I needed the groan.
The next meal I tried again. In Korean, snot is called Nose water (direct translation). So with this in mind I said this 'Baby, we should send your nose to africa, it's full of water'. This led to the groan I so wanted....and an explaination as to why it was stupid....
Mission sucessful
My struggle to translate the German to English was intense.
It's Dinner time-
3y.o.: "Papa you spoon." ( which translates to - please feed me).
Me: "You spoon, I'm busy forking."
3y.o.: "Papa, fork yourself."
edit- Thank you for all the love. Forgot to mention the 3y.o. in question is a she.
one day, an alien appliance company named "Closen" decided to create a new and improved counter. Their plan was to create a slogan for it like "so good, even the humans like it!". But, they did need a human opinion. So, they abducted a human from Earth and introduced it to him.
"What do you think?" they translate to him. He shakes his head.
"Not for me, really".
Defeated, the aliens send him back down to Earth. As he reappears, many people surround him.
"Oh my goodness, are you ok? what happened?" They all screamed. He smiled, reassuring them.
"It's alright, it was just a Closen counter"
Ok this requires a bit of context. In Norwegian, shark translates to hai. The answer is therefore:
Sharks go to Hai-Schools!
This is quite a classic, in norwegian, but as we don’t call groups of fish schools, i found this joke works for both languages! Hope you enjoyed!
... this wont translate via text im sure BUT. the other day i walked into my apartment with some flowers and was looking for a vase, my roommate says "ah, i have a solution!" and goes to pull a vase out of the cabinet, but theres a giant jug of vinegar in the way, so she pulls that out first, so I said "thats not a solution, thats a base"
Though the translation is kinda ruff
This is directly translated from greek, but you'll get it.
Me: Hey, dad, do you have any money?
Dad: Yeah, don't worry about me.
He cracks up and searches all over the house for my mom to tell his joke.
I didn't want to admit it, but it was pretty funny. Almost forgot about the money. Almost.
https://youtu.be/15JgRNjVM8E
After browsing through some of the past year's posts, I decided to make this video capturing some of the best of what was posted here! All one-liners that translate well do video. Hope you enjoy the recap of the year!
If people like this, I may start making a series of some of the top subs posts as "Reddit for the Lazy" videos, a tl;dr of the top posts, in a single-click video!
Sadly it doesnt work in english. Ill give you the gist though.
Sei ich in einem langweiligen französisch Kurs. Stapel Stifte und Radiergummies, und nach einiger Zeit fragt die Lehrerin was ich den mache. "ich bin nebenberuflicher Hochstapler"
Translated gist: I was stacking pens and erasers in a french class. When the teacher asked what I was doing I said, Im a part time Hochstapler wich can basically mean high-stacker or fraudster
Got the whole class to laugh, twas fun
Dad: "You know, we're actually descendants of one of the oldest native tribes in this part of the country, right?"
Me: "Really?"
Dad: "Yeah, The Fagawee tribe. I remember when I was little, your grandpa took me on a spiritual pilgrimage through the forest. He drank a lot and smoked some native herbs. The herbs didn't seem to be working, though, because as it got darker, we seemed to be walking in circles. It was cold in the woods and we seemed to keep coming across the same old log. Finally, in the middle of my dad's spiritual trance, he fell to his knees in a clearing, raised his hands high, and proclaimed "We're the Fawagwee!"
Translation: ("Where the fuck are we?")
The other day we went for pizza and the server asked if we were ready,
Server: what are you having?
Dad: I'll have a calzone, size 40.
Me: ...
the server and my parents start laughing.
Mom: come on son, laugh, that was a funny joke.
Me: no mom. That joke was too cheesy
EDIT: in spanish the word "calzone" translates to "underwear" amirite italians?
We went out to eat at a Chinese restaurant and when we got our fortune cookies my mom asked for the translation of "selfish". My dad responded with "El mismo pescado." (Note: selfish --> self-fish --> mismo pescado)
My dad and I are sitting around watch Mexican soccer when all of a sudden he asks, "That Ivan is a defenseman, isn't he?" Who's Ivan?, I ask. "Well, the announcers keep saying Ivan atrás, Ivan atrás..." he answers.
For my non-Spanish speakers, that can be translated as both "Ivan in the back, Ivan in the back" or, as what they're actually saying (Y van atras) "And they're running back, and they're running back"
-_-
Sorry for the wierd grammar, it's directly translated from Swedish. While having a conversation on whatsapp. Me: I need to pack in the first hand. Dad: Okay, but wouldn't it be better to pack in your bag?
I got a call at work today.
Caller: Hello, this is Bob and I'm calling on behalf of Jim who works for (some company). He is deaf so I'll be talking on the phone and translating for him.
Me: Oh, we won't need you then. My wife knows sign language, let me go get her.
I hand her the phone and leave so I can imagine their conversation being about how funny I am.
Original in Mandarin, so I may not have done the best job translating.
A country boy comes into the city for the first time in his life. He's never seen a skyscraper before, so he's standing on the street staring up in amazement. A city slicker walks by and says, "Excuse me sir, you realize there's a tax for counting stories don't you?"
"Oh, OK"
"How many stories did you count on this building?"
"10"
"That'll be 10 dollars please"
The country boy hands over the 10 dollars. The city guy takes the money and walks away, thinking to himself, "what a dumb hick, who'd believe such a thing as a counting-stories tax?"
The country boy walked away pretty pleased with himself, thinking, "what a dumb official, I actually counted 20 stories"
Seriously, give it to me straight; are people all a bunch of liars, when they say that dad jokes makes them cringe and groan? I mean, I checked the first few pages sorted by top, and I haven't realised that this is EXACTLY my kind of humour until now. I had to keep myself from bursting into laughter at the office today multiple times. So, am I going to be an awesome dad or am I just someone who isn't afraid to admit that dad jokes are the best thing in the world?
Also, came up with my own swedish dad joke (translated). I 'd take a picture from a hill or a balcony and caption it with "Today's high point" (high point= swedish expression of highlight, highlight of the day basically)
I'd say, "Dad, I'm gonna go take a shower!" His response, "Why? Is one missing?"
My dad taught me early on that the phrase je t'adore in French translates to I love you. He also mentioned that je t'adore sounds (a little bit) like shut the door if you said it kinda quickly. So anytime someone tells my dad to "shut the door" he'd respond with, "I love you too!"
Not technically my dad, but still a dad. Every time my grandpa came to town when I was a kid after not seeing me for a little while, without fail, the first thing out of his mouth was, "Look at you, you gruesome child! You know, you grew some, child." I think the fact that he explained it every time was what really irked me.
Last time my dad knocked over his soda and it spilled all over his lap he immediately looked up at me grinning, "Well I guess drinks are on me tonight!"
Him - "This stuff is easy. My son in grade 6 is learning how to translate shapes right now."
Me - "I didn't realize there was a difference between a French square and an English square."
Took him a moment, but he groaned and shook his head. I saw the smile he was trying to hide.
Lazy student: blurts out Mrs. Castillo can you teach us how to say bad words in spainsh?
Mrs. Castillo: It's palabras malas (the literal translation of bad words)
My native language is dutch and in the sentence "hoe lang" means "how long". When pronouncing "hoe lang" in dutch it sounds like a chinese name. phonetically it would be "Hulang".
So my dad would always say out of nowhere "Hoelang is een Chinees", which translates into "How long is a chinese". Usually the people who hear the joke are clueless and look at him and weird and say "i dont know, i dont think all the chinese people have the same heigth, why do you ask me this?". Then he would say "Huh, what are you talking about? I was talking about my friend Hulang from China hahahahhahaha". He always laughs extremely loud after telling the joke, its part of the routine.
Lulu and Javier's last name is Diaz
Dad: Act 1- Lulu goes across the stage in a plane
Act 2- Javier goes across the stage in a plane
Act 3- Lulu and Javier both go across the stage in a plane.
What is the name of the play?
Me: I don't know, what?
Dad: "Los DIAZ Van Pasando" (which translates to "The Days Go Passing By")
Makes more sense in Spanish...
Her post translates as follows:
"Grandpa Jake and I sitting on the sofa quietly when the electricity finally returns.
Me: Oh, finally! Grandpa Jake: Oh...it's brown in now. Me: confused Grandpa: No more brownout grins"
Then again, I'm quite oblivious to his subtle jokes, but I think this one takes the cake:
So anyway, the other day he had me look something up for him on my laptop. Occasionally, my mouse pad lags and this was one of those times. I began to rub my finger to get it to work when my dad lays this one one me: "¿Tiene comezón o qué?" Which is roughly translated to: "Is it(the laptop) itchy or what?"
Now, I'm sure if I was a dude and my dad was one of those dads, he would've said something along the lines of my laptop's mouse pad being equivalent to a woman's nether regions. But that might just be the way I think.
So having just seen this subreddit, I realize that my dad makes dad jokes too!
Here's some examples!
Whenever I / my sister would fall, or crash into something. Like, say, I fell on the floor
Me: Owww! Dad! I fell on the floor!
Dad: Oh no! Is the floor alright?!
(ba dum chhh!)
My sister's name is Helga, which can also translate to weekend in Norwegian
Dad: Question.
Helga: Yeah?
Dad: What are you doing in the weekend, weekend?
(ba dum bow-bow kachika-wow chhh!!)
Dad and me are avid fishers, so we've gone on fishing-trips in the nearby fjord, my dad is the type who buys the most expensive gear and fancies himself a bit of an expert
Dad: Say, let's make this interesting, let's have a fishing competition!
Me: Okay!
later that day I had gotten by far the most and biggest catches
Me: Hah, I won dad!
Dad: No, no. We weren't fishing about the most fish caught, the winner was the one with the least fish! I won!
(ba chinka dinga ka pow, bow dow kow!!!)
... Okay, so maybe the last one wasn't much of a joke, though. Hope you enjoyed the dadly jokes.
