A Translator Puns

Dad: The guy who can speak Spanish didn't show up Me:If you cant speak Spanish speak Russian(some of the workers were Russian) Dad: Why would speaking faster make a difference?

It feels like ancient history.

Translate.

My 3 year old brother came up to me (and everyone else in the house several times each) to tell a joke he made up (translated from Turkish but works in English anyway).

3yo: Do you need to go to the bathroom (a question we ask him frequently)?

Me: No

3yo: Are you sure?

Me: Yes?

3yo: Oh, hi Sure!

"next to Denny's"

It got lost in translation.

Google Translate: Enrique Iglesias es un buen músico.

Today we were eating and my son ate a carrot without using the fork so my wife promptly said: "Don't eat with your fingers..." to which he answered: "I'm eating with my mouth!"

I was soooo happy and my wife had to let it slide...

(We don't speak English so I hope the joke isn't lost in the translation)

EDIT: Thanks for all the upvotes :) This was an unexpected surprise to wake up to. Very happy that it translates in to English so well. Now some clarifications:

1. Yes... the carrots were cooked, we are not psychopaths (in regards to our eating habbits)

2. My son is 10 years old and still living at home

3. We all speak English, just not our native language and not used at the dinner table

So my dad broke his wrist the other day. He asked the doctor, if he could play the piano after the healing process. The doctor said: Yeah, sure. My dad: Great, couldn't do that before.

Translated from German. Hope you still enjoy it ;)

The Iliad is called that because Ilium was another name for Troy, and the -ad suffix used to mean “The Story of”. So, if we translated the title, The Iliad should actually be called Troy Story

I didn't make the joke in english but it translates well.

We just had lunch and my mom was clearing out the table and putting stuff in the dishwasher while my brothers and my dad were talking about the party we were going to that afternoon. My mom and dad would go there by bike and my brothers and I would take the car.

Then my mom said: "should I turn on the dishwasher so everything will be clean when we'll return?"

On which I commented: "That's not fair, we go by car, and you by bike, while the dishwasher has to run?"

So I'm British and my wife is Korean. She is ALWAYS asking for tissue to wipe her nose as it's constantly running.

So joke 1: Baby, are you entering your nose in a marathon? Wife puzzled look Because it's always running.

This led to a problem, she didn't understand it straight away. I was incensed, I explained it and got a few laughs from the family but it wasn't enough, I needed the groan.

The next meal I tried again. In Korean, snot is called Nose water (direct translation). So with this in mind I said this 'Baby, we should send your nose to africa, it's full of water'. This led to the groan I so wanted....and an explaination as to why it was stupid....

Mission sucessful

My struggle to translate the German to English was intense.

Translate

It's Dinner time-

3y.o.: "Papa you spoon." ( which translates to - please feed me).

Me: "You spoon, I'm busy forking."

3y.o.: "Papa, fork yourself."

edit- Thank you for all the love. Forgot to mention the 3y.o. in question is a she.

Everytime I try to talk to him he's lost in translation.

one day, an alien appliance company named "Closen" decided to create a new and improved counter. Their plan was to create a slogan for it like "so good, even the humans like it!". But, they did need a human opinion. So, they abducted a human from Earth and introduced it to him.

"What do you think?" they translate to him. He shakes his head.

"Not for me, really".

Defeated, the aliens send him back down to Earth. As he reappears, many people surround him.

"Oh my goodness, are you ok? what happened?" They all screamed. He smiled, reassuring them.

"It's alright, it was just a Closen counter"

Really, ask me to translate any sentence into any language (except Greek). Try me!

As i walked back home, i realised that was a Klose call. It would have been at all time Löw for me if I hadn't restrained myself.

Edit: Americans will have this to translate to American

So this joke is originally in Spanish;

Ese si es hijo de perra.

Translated as;

That one there is a real son of a bitch.

Ok this requires a bit of context. In Norwegian, shark translates to hai. The answer is therefore:

Sharks go to Hai-Schools!

This is quite a classic, in norwegian, but as we don’t call groups of fish schools, i found this joke works for both languages! Hope you enjoyed!

... this wont translate via text im sure BUT. the other day i walked into my apartment with some flowers and was looking for a vase, my roommate says "ah, i have a solution!" and goes to pull a vase out of the cabinet, but theres a giant jug of vinegar in the way, so she pulls that out first, so I said "thats not a solution, thats a base"

But I really don't want to talk to them. I'm worried I might have SoCal anxiety disorder.

...And admittedly, I was hesitant to share that pun. I'm worried it LAX something important, or that it's just going to get Los in translation.

I was traveling with my dad in china a couple of years ago and I was trying lambs hoof...dad "how is it" me "its got a big of a kick" laughter insued while our translator looked at us blankly not understanding.

Though the translation is kinda ruff

This is directly translated from greek, but you'll get it.

Me: Hey, dad, do you have any money?

Dad: Yeah, don't worry about me.

He cracks up and searches all over the house for my mom to tell his joke.

I didn't want to admit it, but it was pretty funny. Almost forgot about the money. Almost.

https://youtu.be/15JgRNjVM8E

After browsing through some of the past year's posts, I decided to make this video capturing some of the best of what was posted here! All one-liners that translate well do video. Hope you enjoy the recap of the year!

If people like this, I may start making a series of some of the top subs posts as "Reddit for the Lazy" videos, a tl;dr of the top posts, in a single-click video!

Sadly it doesnt work in english. Ill give you the gist though.

Sei ich in einem langweiligen französisch Kurs. Stapel Stifte und Radiergummies, und nach einiger Zeit fragt die Lehrerin was ich den mache. "ich bin nebenberuflicher Hochstapler"

Translated gist: I was stacking pens and erasers in a french class. When the teacher asked what I was doing I said, Im a part time Hochstapler wich can basically mean high-stacker or fraudster

Got the whole class to laugh, twas fun

I don't know what that means. Can someone please translate?

He throws in his towels in dutch

So my dad was eating a sandwich...

Me: "Is that a cheese sandwhich?" Him: takes a peak inside "I queso..."

-"cheese" translates into "queso" in Spanish. Queso is pronounced kind of like "guess so".

In sweden we have this drink called Mer. which translates into More.

I was sick and home from school drinking a mer. When it was out my dad popped in with a shit eating grin and said: Do you want some more?

Long groan from me and mother.

Dad: "You know, we're actually descendants of one of the oldest native tribes in this part of the country, right?"

Me: "Really?"

Dad: "Yeah, The Fagawee tribe. I remember when I was little, your grandpa took me on a spiritual pilgrimage through the forest. He drank a lot and smoked some native herbs. The herbs didn't seem to be working, though, because as it got darker, we seemed to be walking in circles. It was cold in the woods and we seemed to keep coming across the same old log. Finally, in the middle of my dad's spiritual trance, he fell to his knees in a clearing, raised his hands high, and proclaimed "We're the Fawagwee!"

Translation: ("Where the fuck are we?")

The other day we went for pizza and the server asked if we were ready,

Server: what are you having?

Dad: I'll have a calzone, size 40.

Me: ...

the server and my parents start laughing.

Mom: come on son, laugh, that was a funny joke.

Me: no mom. That joke was too cheesy

EDIT: in spanish the word "calzone" translates to "underwear" amirite italians?

After I got back from school, my dad asked me in my native language "How's school going?" or literally translated from Macedonian to English "How's school walking?".

• Good.

No, it's not walking, it can't walk ha-ha!

Kill me.

We went out to eat at a Chinese restaurant and when we got our fortune cookies my mom asked for the translation of "selfish". My dad responded with "El mismo pescado." (Note: selfish --> self-fish --> mismo pescado)

This one is translated from Dutch, dunno works as well in English, but here goes!

Me: "What are we gonna do with dinner?"

Him: "Eat"

"98.6 °F"

Sorry if it doesn't translate well, but in spanish is:

"A que temperatura estamos?"

"36.6 °C"

I just said that without thinking, I guess my dad joke gene is fully awake since I had my daughter.

My dad and I are sitting around watch Mexican soccer when all of a sudden he asks, "That Ivan is a defenseman, isn't he?" Who's Ivan?, I ask. "Well, the announcers keep saying Ivan atrás, Ivan atrás..." he answers.

For my non-Spanish speakers, that can be translated as both "Ivan in the back, Ivan in the back" or, as what they're actually saying (Y van atras) "And they're running back, and they're running back"

-_-

It feels like ancient history.

It feels like ancient history.

It feels like ancient history.