The Suitcase Puns

She says, “Oh, that’s horrible. Are they moving?”

The guy replies, “I don’t know, but that would explain the suitcase.”

I didn't want her emotional baggage.

Did I steal this from someone? I'm getting old...

He was traveling light

I’m having to put up with a lot of emotional baggage ever since.

I rest my case

But she just kept saying I had too much baggage.

I went flying

Carry on, my wayward son

"That's terrible," the woman dispatcher on the phone replied. "Are they moving?"

"I'm not sure, to be honest," Dad said, "But that would explain the suitcase."

Apparently it's to travel light.

He couldn't handle it

My four year old granddaughter just came home from the zoo and asked why elephants have trunks. I did not miss a beat and replied they have too much stuff for a suitcase.

What tree do you wipe your hands on? A palm tree!

I heard a scary math joke, but I’m 2^^2 to tell it!

Have you heard of that new movie, “Constipation”? Well it doesn’t matter, it never came out.

I hurt myself when I went to a theme park in florida. When I went to the doctor, he started wrapping up my left leg, but then I pointed at my right and said “No, doc, it’s dis knee.”

Last night I got mugged by 6 dwarves. Not Happy.

When Queen Elizabeth farts, everyone in the room must pretend like nothing happened. Noble Gasses don’t cause reactions, after all.

What’s the difference between a seal and a sea lion? One electron.

What happens to nitrogen when the sun rises? It becomes Daytrogen!

I called the animal shelter today and said "I've found six kittens in a suitcase in the woods." They said "Are they moving?" I replied "I don't know, but that would explain the suitcase."

Why can’t you trust Atoms? Because they make up everything!

Why do nerds wear glasses? It helps with division.

Why should you tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? You don’t wanna wake the sleeping pills.

What twitches and is found at the bottom of the ocean? A nervous wreck!

What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller!

What do you call a 3 foot tall psychic on the run from the law? A small medium at large!

Help, I can’t stop reading books with female protagonists! I’m a heroine addict!

How did Sparticus react when he ate his wife for dinner? He was gladiator!

When does a joke become a dad joke? When the punchline becomes apparent!

19 and 20 got into a fight… 21.

My friend told me, “People who sell meat are disgusting!” So I said, “Yeah, well people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer!”

How can turtles take photos of themselves? Shell-fie sticks!

What do you call a secret agent molecule? Bond… ionic bond. “Taken, not shared.” What did the dinosaur say to the other dinosaur? (Cut this part, but make a screeching noise)

How much does Santa’s sleigh cost? $0, it’s on the house.

If America switched from pounds to kilograms overnight there would be mass confusion.

I had a splinter once; it eventually got out of hand.

I’m going to go stand outside. If anyone asks, I’m outstanding.

Most people are shocked to find out how terrible an electrician I am!

What do mermaids wash their fins with? Tide What’s the coolest place to use the bathroom? The Lil Jon

Did you know that on average, people want three covers on their bed at all times? But that’s just a blanket statem

Three guys walk into a pink hotel, they go threw a pink door, it's the pink reception desk and sign into the pink book. The lady dressed in pink walks them up the pink stairs, down a pink hall then gives them the pink keys to their pink rooms. They all walk into their pink room, put their suitcases down on the pink carpet, then place their clothes in a pink cupboard. They have a bath in their pink shower and dry themselves with the pink towels. They finally go to sleep in the pink beds. They wake in the morning and go downstairs to have breakfast. They have their pink bowls, pink cups and pink cutlery. When they are asked what they want for breakfast one man says he will have weatbix and the other two say they want cornflakes. Once they are finished their food, they pack their suitcases up and leave the pink hotel. The moral of this story is that two out of three people prefer cornflakes...

Talking about an upcoming trip, I mentioned that we should pack our son in the small suitcase and us in the medium one.

Without missing a beat, she says she felt he would be safer in the backseat.

For a woman who is so literal, I was so proud.

In an effort to cheer him up, his wife says “Honey I have great news! I found a great deal on a vacation for us next week! We’re going to Peru!” The husband says “Peru?! That’s fantastic! Alpaca suitcase!”

Dispatcher: Hello this is 911 what's your emergency?

Dad: Yeah hi, I was just walking through the woods and I found a suitcase in a bush and inside there's a fox and 4 cubs.

Dispatcher: Oh my god, that's horrible. Are they moving?

Dad: I don't know to be honest, but that would explain the suitcase.

Packing a suitcase full of shoes because she’s in a hurry...

“Can you put that in the car?” “Put what in your car? The Shoetcase?”

She was telling a story about how her luggage got stopped on its way to Europe because her vibrator that had been acting up turned on in her suitcase.

Halfway out the door, I peeked back in and asked.."oh, was it giving you a hard time?"

Wife: "Darnit, the wheel on my suitcase broke!" Me: "What a drag".

My dad came into the living room with a suitcase.

Me: hey dad are you taking a trip somewhere?

Dad: yah, taking a trip next fall!!!

I’m having to deal with a lot of emotional baggage.

Because it was traveling light!