The first time I saw her, at her honey stall at the farmers market, I knew right away...

...she was a keeper.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hover-lovecraft
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
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Why are the horse stalls at a racetrack labelled A, B, D, E, and F?

Because no one would bet on a seahorse.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cyclopropagative
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2020
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What did the horse say to the horse in the stall beside him?

β€œHay Neigh-bor!”

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2020
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The doctors have moved me from a private room, to a stall with hay and water.

They are trying to stable-ize me.

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2018
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Writing on the bathroom stall...

Here I sit broken-hearted. Came to poop but only farted.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/2076baseballbat
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2017
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Guy in the stall next to me had horrible diarrhea.

I told him he needed to get his shit together.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shitty_Orangutan
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2017
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The price of balloons have me stalling on purchasing more.

That price of inflation is something else!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/elizabeth498
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2021
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A man was very nervous just before his vasectomy...

...so to stall, he asked the doctor if he preferred to start with the left testicle or the right, to which the doctor replied, I don’t think there’s a vas deferens.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bigboozer69
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2021
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My "bathroom humor" comedy routine was a failure ...

I couldn't get a single laugh from the guys in the other urinal stalls.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DreadMoor
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2020
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A couple were interested in buying a haunted house.

The owner took them around the ground floor and everything looked perfect, even more so for the low price. The couple were suspicious that they saw no sign of anything supernatural, yet. The owner was pleasant and a little excited when showing them the house, until they got to the stairs. The woman stopped and looked incredibly uncomfortable as she stalled for time. Growing impatient, the couple asked her:

"What's upstairs?"

"Not much, what's up with you?" replied the stairs.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Goaheadidareyou
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2020
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The Blitz of Puns

It really grinds my gears when people say stick-shift is obsolete.

Most people like their music bass-boosted, but it seems like too much treble.

When an astronaut drinks tea, he takes a big space-sip.

The best electricity puns are live wires. Coppers really don’t know how to resist these in a coil. If you make enough of this type of pun you can really blow their fuses. You need to be smart about how you conduct these so you don’t overload your capacitors.

The only kind of rap I like is the wrapping paper on gifts.

Scissors always cut to the point.

Airplane puns always fly overhead. You have to be careful so you don’t stall out. Always use better judgement so you nose how to dive. When used correctly, this pun classification can really propel to infinity and beyond. However, if misused, the fall from grace is full of turbulence.

When working with electricity puns always make sure to be grounded to prevent shocking results.

Mr. Tea says, ”Don’t be a fool, stay in school!”

i c e i c e w a t e r

Architecture is an aspiring career path.

β€˜Pun’ puns don’t add up. The are starting to get negative receptions.

I’ll do algebra. I’ll even do calculus. But graphing is where I draw the line.

Plants should always rooted in the ground.

Never argue with people when they are right or nobody will be left hanging out with you.

Rocks make boulder moves. This means they are pelite and not jagged. Don’t take these puns for granite.

Cheese puns are grate because you don’t have to ask for parmesan to use them.

Eskimos have cold personality. It is an ice society, but some of their history chills my spine.

My dog died a few years ago. It was really ruff.

I am not a fan of wind turbines.

Life is like driftwood. You never know where you will float.

Christmas lights stick together. When one goes out, they all do.

Puns about communism are only funny if everyone gets them.

Rocket scientists cannot fuel around or something bad can happen.

A baker is someone who kneads to make baked goods.

I sometimes wear stripes to avoid being spotted.

Sponges are great at absorbing liquids.

Contrary to the name, relationships have nothing to do with boats.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zmanofdoom95
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2019
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I dad joked myself accidentally yesterday

Sitting on the toilet at work. I finished the transaction and after wiping once, I was surprised that it was a ghost wipe.

I looked at the paper and thought to myself "No shit".

Bert stared at the stall door.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JackFunk
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2019
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Not mine, but from Colin Mochrie in Whose Line Is It Anyway

β€œFamous Playboy Hugh Hefner managed to successfully stop an order of monks from operating a business on his property. The police forced the friars to close down their stall, which was outside the Playboy mansion where they had been selling flowers. Said one friar, well, if it was anyone else we may have gotten away from it, but, unfortunately, only Hugh can prevent florist friars.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/macrian
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2019
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National guard dad joke

My unit had a drill weekend and we were in the woods with only open toilets (no walls or stalls, just three toilet seats next to either.) After the second day one of the officers asked, "Is there a private shiter around here?" I responded with, "I haven't seen him but I'll look for him."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/desertsmowman
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2014
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Wife dadjoked me

We stopped at a dollar store to pick up a few items, and I parked in front of the store next to a handicap stall. I noticed the handicap stall was the same width as a regular parking stall, to which I remarked, "That's not really a convenient parking stall as there's no space for the handicap person to maneuver." My wife replied, "Ya, that's not very handy!"

Visual reference http://i.imgur.com/hM8a1kP.jpg

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πŸ‘€︎ u/aamir64
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2016
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Dadjokes in the bathroom

When I walk into a bathroom and all the stalls are occupied, I make sure to say out loud "Full house beats a flush!"

If I'm lucky I can get a muted chuckle from one of the stalls.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/avelertimetr
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2014
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Punny names of Dark Souls 3 bosses.

For reference: Link to wiki

Some of these are done in a kind of "news headline"-style:

  • Choir leader fired after using too much sexual innuendo; "Lewd Ex Cantor."

  • Video on demand about a street where nothing happens; "Vod of the Boring Alley."

  • Man's brutal cousin turns out to be a great bloke; "Raw-Ted, Great Dude".

  • Panic spreads as toilet facilities take over the world; "Cry! Stall-Age."

  • A man orders a book of basic letters to look after his daughters belongings while he looks after the others; "ABC, Watch Her's!".

  • Sams brother cheats a dude; "Dean Cons the Peep."

  • A ride in the amusement park offers a wide range of emotions; "High! Low! Woo! Nah."

  • A weird and hard to describe new dessert; "Cold Lemon Thing."

  • A new star in stand up rises! Come see "Puntiff Sulyvahn."

  • Pirates start eating fava beans and a new drink is required; "Yo! Ho! The Chianti!."

  • A Long lived man has an unusual apetite for fish; "Old-Rick, Devourer of Cods".

  • In Bacteria-Town, a devastating disease strikes one inhabitant working at a hotel; "Cancer of the Borrelia Valet".

  • Roman god Cubid is ordered to take a woman to cave and kill her; "Drag and Slay Her Amor"

  • Osiris's statue has been in way too many marriages and people have started to call it; "Osiris the Consummated Thing."

  • The choir leader from before is transformed into a mushroom; "Champignon Cantor"

  • An english man becomes the leader of a Polish airplane company and gets nicknamed; "LOT-Rick"

  • An impatient tree person attacks a random mythical hunter; "Antsy Ent! Why Hern?!"

  • Horse named Elvis keeps making noise and a man shouts;"Neigh Less King!"

  • A child opens a chocolate egg and a white spirit jumps out; "Soul of Kinder"

Sorry about the possible typos.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dralnu22
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2016
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Dad got me in public with this one

We stopped by a stall selling paintings, tshirts, watches and all sorts of cheap tat but they all had pictures of Jesus printed on them.

I asked my Dad "what's with all the Jesus stuff?"

He replied "God knows" and let out a giggle

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2017
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I dad-joked my wife. We don't even have any kids.

We were driving through a rural area near here when we went past an abandoned horse track, complete with stands etc.

She was pointing it out and saying "oh look, there's even the ticket booth!" and the like when she spots the horse stalls in a falling down old building.

She said "Do you think those are stables?"

I looked over at them and replied "Hmm. I don't think so. I mean, they don't look very stable to me!"

It was such a good joke that I laughed myself horse.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/theredkrawler
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2014
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A hippy went to buy some threads...

...and he found just the pair he wanted on a market stall, so he asked the price and was told, "like, eighty dollars, man". He turned to his old lady for the bread and she was staring open-mouthed, and she whispered, "John, they're too much!". So John turned back to the stallholder and said, "crazy, man, I'll take two pairs".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gil-Gandel
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2017
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Paul Ryan Puns

Paul Ryan is running for president. But after this, he'll be Paul Cryan.

His favorite color is Paul Cyan

He is Paul Tryan to become president

This post will make him Paul Diean

He read history about the Paul Mayan

On a plane, he is Paul Flyan

In Russia, he is Paul Spyan

He goes to the Maul Ryan

To go Paul Buyan

His favorite spice is Paul Cayenne

When he stares, heis Paul Eyean

For breakfast, he is Paul Fryan

On stilts, he is Paul Giant

When in trouble, he starts Paul Liean

When he watches memes, he is Lol Ryan.

His favorite is Paul Nyan

For dessert, he has Paul Piean

At this point, Im Paul Sighan

When he has rope, he is Paul Tiean

When curious, he is Paul Whyan

Or Paul Pryan

His new game is Ball Ryan

On the phone, he is Call Ryan

His daughter plays with Doll Ryan

When he trips, he is Fall Ryan

His house is the Ryan Hall

Again on stilts, he is Tall Ryan

His house has a Wall Ryan

Down south, you are Yall Ryan

When he makes bread, it is Paul Rysan

On a horse, he is Paul Ridan

In a fight, he is Brawl Ryan

When he loses he is Crawl Ryan

Or dead

When moving he uses a U-Haul Ryan

In the bathroom, he is Stall Ryan

I had a list with A LOT more. Help in diese comments!

EDIT: If he wins the election, he's Mr. President

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Davidhasahead
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2015
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the law

a coworker of mine had to pick up his son whose car had stalled at a Murphy's gas station. It was the second time he had stalled there.

He told his son "you shouldn't come here any more" his son said "why?" "because murphy's law seems to be working here.

that would be good enough but then they started talking about murphys law and other laws like moores law etc.

Then his son said "thats like Coe's Law" My friend said "Whats Coe's Law?" His son said "Its shredded cabbage mixed with dressing and spices"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chodan9
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2017
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A Joke at a Festival

I was with a few people at a festival, and saw a little girl pulling a baby goat back to her (the goat's) stall. I could resist saying

"Look at those two little kids!"

Groans were my cheers and facepalms were my applause

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AQuickQuestionER
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2014
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On the dangerous side...

Driving with my old man once, he spies a road-side stall selling "Duck Eggs". He proceeds to thrust his head between his knees. Damn near crashed the car...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mainmariner
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2014
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Dad joked by my dad at 29 years old

Walking past a stall at the fair, points to the coconut shy and said

"I know a guy that won't go to them"

Said "What because he was shy?"

"No he had no confidence"

Groans.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shinjetsu01
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2014
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So I was changing in a stall at a track meet

when I took off my jeans and the change in my pocket went all over the floor. So guy from another team in the stall next to me than responded with

"oh are you have trouble with the change ?"

We both had ourselves a good chuckle

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πŸ‘€︎ u/abujad
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2015
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Do you have a name for this?

It's not a joke, and for now I'm calling it the "dad switcharoo." My dad would do this all the time. Here's my example:

My younger son does this funny thing with his eyes. I made him do it tonight at the dinner table real quick. Then my older son (WHO EATS NOTHING) said, "Dad I can do the eye trick that $youngerson does." Then I says to him I says, "You need to do the eating trick that $youngerson is doing."

Is there a better name for this? My dad would do things like:

Me (trying to stall before bed): "I'm just reading this real quick."
Dad: "Well read yourself into bed real quick, we have to wake up early tomorrow."

and so forth.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NiceGuyJoe
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2014
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Do you know why the horse stalls at a racetrack are labelled A, B, D, E, and F?

Because no one would bet on a seahorse.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stretch85
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2016
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My favorite quote from Colin Mochrie

Famous Playboy Hugh Hefner managed to successfully stop an order of monks from operating a business on his property. The police forced the Friars to close down their stall which was outside the mansion where they had been selling flowers. Said one Friar, "Well if it was anyone else we might have gotten away from it, but unfortunately only Hugh can prevent florist Friars".

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BabiesOnQuack
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2014
🚨︎ report

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