What do you call a snake that works for the government?
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︎ Jan 03 2021
Attila the Hun had a pet snake who refused to eat.
He tried everything: rodents, small animals, and even cuts from larger animals, but it wouldn't eat.
As a last resort, he offered a virgin, but still the snake wouldn't eat. So, he called up the village's wise man.
Without hesitation, the wise man put two pieces of bread on the woman, and the snake ate her whole.
When Attila asked why, the wise man responded,
"Thine anaconda don't want nun unless you've got buns, hun!"
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︎ Nov 14 2020
I dreamed I met a long snake-like fish who had been knighted by the queen.
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︎ Dec 22 2020
What gift did the snakes get from their wedding registry?
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︎ Jan 12 2021
What kind of flooring does the snake-loving architect design all of his homes with?
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︎ Dec 31 2020
What do you call the part of the snake that isn't it's head?
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︎ Nov 25 2020
Why did the snake plead guilty?
He didn't have a leg to stand on.
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︎ Oct 16 2020
My rooster is an artist. He draws on plates and I add arms and numbers, but for the life of me I canβt tell if heβs drawing snakes, mountains, teepeeβs, etc., so I finally asked him and he said:
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︎ Aug 26 2020
Why was the local fly population afraid of the secretive snake charmer?
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︎ Sep 07 2020
My wife tried to order an exotic snake online, but when the package arrived, it contained only feathered scarves...
Looks like the boa cons tricked her...
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︎ May 13 2020
What was the snakeβs favorite subject in school?
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︎ Feb 07 2020
Dad has a pet snake that eats the grass in his yard.
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︎ Mar 13 2020
Her: Did you know Australia has 9 of the worldβs 10 deadliest snakes?
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︎ May 02 2019
What snakes keep the windscreen clean?
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︎ Nov 25 2019
A snake charmer was bitten on the lips
He didn't know his asp from his oboe.
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︎ Aug 21 2019
Not like the other snakes
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︎ Sep 27 2019
Everyone is afraid of snakes and spiders and sharks but you have all forgotten about the scariest animal of all.
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︎ Oct 07 2019
What is the best car insurance a snake can get?
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︎ Dec 23 2019
Whatβs the most common snake in Germany?
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︎ Aug 14 2019
My pet viper swallowed a sheet of window glass causing the snake severe physical discomfort.
It was a real pane in the asp.
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︎ Dec 20 2019
What is the young snake currently going through?
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︎ Oct 29 2019
What did the sheep, idiot, and snake say when the dad told a joke?
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︎ Nov 20 2019
What do you call a snake in charge of the philharmonic orchestra?
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︎ Aug 09 2019
TIL about a bird that migrates from Canada to Jamaica each year, feeding on snakes over the winter
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︎ May 17 2019
Did you hear the joke about the snake?
Itβs actually a long tale/tail.
-I donβt know how puns work in written form.
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︎ Jun 13 2019
Never flush a snake down the toilet.
Itβll just come back to bite you.
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︎ Aug 10 2019
The makers of 'Snakes and Ladders' really missed an opportunity to call it 'Adders and Ladders'
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︎ Oct 11 2018
As the animals left the ark, Noah told them to go forth and multiply. After some time, Noah came upon two snakes who were just lying there sunning themselves.
So Noah asked them, βWhy arenβt you multiplying?β
The snakes replied, βWe canβt, weβre adders.β
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︎ Apr 28 2019
The sequel to Snakes on a Plane, but with giant poisonous spiders, got canceled.
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︎ Jun 03 2019
What do you call a snake pressed up against the front glass of a car?
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︎ Jan 26 2019
I was driving my German girlfriend around in my older banger, the heavy rain clattering against my windshield. As the journey went on, I realised that she has this really weird obsession with snakes.
She kept telling me that I need vipers.
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︎ Dec 30 2018
What did the snake give to her son when he wouldnβt be quiet?
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︎ Mar 07 2019
A sheep, a drum and a snake fell down the hill..
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︎ Oct 26 2018
Did you know that all the snakes you see today are broken? They aren't supposed to be bendy and flexible
Apparently snakes today suffer from
a-reptile-disfuntion
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︎ Feb 25 2019
What does a snake wear to the beach?
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︎ Dec 22 2018
I took my snake to the vet, because it wouldn't uncoil...
It was diagosed with ereptile dysfunction π
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︎ Apr 26 2018
What sound did the lamb, the drum and the snake make when you threw it from a cliff?
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︎ Aug 11 2018
I was walking to the store with my daughters, and we found a several-day dead snake.
9yo : What happened!?
Me : It got hit by a car.
9yo : I knew it got run over by a car because it was flat!
Me : (couldn't resist) No, it got run over because it was in the road, being flat is just what happened next.
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︎ Jul 02 2018
What do you call a snake that works for the government?
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︎ Sep 23 2019
What was the snakeβs favorite subject?
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︎ Oct 08 2018
What do you call a snake that works in the government?
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︎ Sep 01 2017
What do you call a snake that works for the government?
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︎ Dec 24 2017
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