If you play guitar and want to know the secret to making it sound better...
People ask my secret to a happy marriage. I tell them the trick is my wife and I go out to dinner twice a week.
I go Tuesdays and my wife takes Thursdays
I have a secret to share: I'm the Norse god of mischief.
What's the secret of the Queen's long life?
The secret to looking younger....
....is telling people that you're older.
I figured out the secret chord that David played!
What is the best kept secret of all time?
Well why would I tell you
Did you hear the secret joke that only the FBI, CIA, NSA and MI6 know?
I was once offered the chance to join a secret club, where anyone who asks a question is permanently banned.
The secret behind a dad joke is in the delivery
Is what the mailman keeps telling my son.
I'm going to share with you the greatest secret for always being on time
Why was the discovery of King Tut thought to be a secret?
Because he was kept under wraps...
You want the names of the tiny shrimp secret agents?
Sure, I could tell you...but then I’d have to krill you.
Why do secret agents get the best sleep...
Because they’re always undercover.
Remember Spider Pig from the Simpsons movie? I figured out his secret identity!
I told my friend a secret about the grocery store.
What's the secret to being Santa Claus?
You either have the gift or you don't.
They all laughed when I told them that one day I would discover the secret of invisibility.
If only they could see me now.
My friend asked about my secret of making the juiciest steak
He isn’t pleased saying it’s too dry.....
I just told him “it needs more thyme in the pan”
Have you heard about the top secret bakery?
It's on a knead to dough basis
Do you know the secret Karen?
Everyone knows about Karen's, how they argue with everyone about everything.
Do you know about their lesser known Sister, Sharon. She's every bit as argumentative and angry, because as everyone knows,
Sharon is Karen
The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked
now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"
Did you hear the one about the secret agent that was captured behind enemy lines with a sheepdog as part of his disguise?
When he was put to death, his captors ground him up and baked him in the oven covered in gravy and mashed potatoes.
When questioned as to why such a cruel and unusual punishment was administered, they stated that this was the only way to correctly execute a shepherd spy.
The secret service has a new protocol if there's a threat in the room with the president
They used to yell down. Now it's
"Donald duck!"
The government started banning alcoholic drinks, so I'm selling liquor in secret.
Last year we did a Secret Santa where everyone had to give each other furnace parts. I'm so ticked for the stupid gift I got.
Sorry. I just gotta vent.
The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Donald, Duck" anymore when the president is about to be attacked
But their grandchildren still listen, in spite of rule 4, because hearing dear old grand-da be excited about his stories is just so sweet, whether he remembers tellin them or not
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I COULD tell you a top secret combination of words which result in the instant death of anyone hearing or reading them..
But then I'd have to kill you.
How did the Vikings send secret messages?
Deep in the villain’s super secret base
Deep in the villain’s super secret base, he noticed that his 10” concrete filled steel walls looked bare. He asked his minions why was there no large, artistic rendering of his terrifying logo hanging behind his desk.
His minions replied, “We’ve tried everywhere, but we’ve been unable to find a sketchy artist.”
A train engineer believed a hospital ship was the site of secret government conspiracy and decides to ram it with his train.
Now that's what I call a loco-motive.
When I was renovating my house, I found a secret stash hidden in the walls.
Someone drew a mustache on the wall behind the wall paper.
I Figured out the secret chord that David played!
What did the secret service yell when Disney sent assassins after our president?
The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked.
Now they have to yell "Donald Duck!"
The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked.
Now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"
The secret service aren’t allowed to yell “GET DOWN” anymore if the president is about to be attacked.
Instead they say, “DONALD, Duck!”
The secret service...
... isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked. Now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"
The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked.
Now they have to yell “Donald duck”!
The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked.
Now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"
The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked. Now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"
Have you all heard about the top secret bakery?
I didn't think so, it is on a knead to dough basis.
The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked.
Now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"
The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked.
Now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"
The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked.
Now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"
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