The Roaches Puns

The Papa Roach replied "Suffocation. No breathing."

Any time there's an insect in my girlfriend's house she calls me over to handle it, usually to cup it and throw it outside. On this fine occasion I observed what looked like a very small roach (Order: Blattodea), possibly a german roach, the kind that are much less freaky huge but more likely to infest a house. Not wanting to take any chances with a german roach infestation, I immediately smashed the little guy instead of saving him.

My GF asks, "what was it? a roach?"

The body is pretty squished and it's hard to see any identifiable features.

I say, "I'm pretty sure it's a Splattodea"

Once they have finished mating, the mother roach tries to find a safe place to lay her eggs while the pappa roach tries to support his new family by starting an alt/rock band.

This wasn't his first career choice, but it is his last resort.

In Mary Roaches book, Packing for Mars, she asked a Cosmonaut (Who general spend longer periods of time in space than astronauts) How do you deal with not having sex for long periods of time.

"Married couples ask me this all the time! They say; 'Sasha, how do you make sex in space?'

And I tell them 'By hand of course!'"