A group of monks where removed from the scene in front of the Playboy Mansion, where they were insistently trying to sell flowers to people entering or leaving the premises. One monk informed us that, "We would be pursuing this in court but,

Only Hugh can prevent Florist Friars."

👍︎ 4
💬︎
📅︎ Feb 09 2022
🚨︎ report
Two of the men from the local monastery opened a takeaway shop on the premises.

There's the fish friar and the chip monk.

👍︎ 2
💬︎
📅︎ Oct 03 2018
🚨︎ report
Punny movie premises and product slogans (don't miss the hover text) qwantz.com/index.php?comi…
👍︎ 15
💬︎
📅︎ Mar 13 2013
🚨︎ report
Foul Mouth Falmouth: Home Of The F-Bomb

Firstly, the title contains the pun and raison d'etre for this post, obviously. Lol. Secondly, this is a joke I made while working in Falmouth (or perhaps it was fucking Yarmouth) about a week ago. Thirdly, I never once have been cussed at or bitched out by anyone in Falmouth. Actually, from my experience there, the people seem rather nice. Fourthly and finally, the set-up for this pun/punchline/premise/"vision"/joke/"fantasy"/witticism/imagining/epigram/apophegm/aphorism is simply this: Picture a sign, a roadside sign, a supposedly "welcoming" road sign, the kind that always introduces a town to all manner of passersby, and picture that, where the town motto normally would be, it says something like: "Welcome To Foul Mouth Falmouth: Proud Home Of The F-Bomb". Lol.

👍︎ 2
💬︎
📅︎ Aug 22 2021
🚨︎ report
I took a bath

And I was promptly removed from the hardware store premises.

👍︎ 6
💬︎
📅︎ Mar 21 2021
🚨︎ report
My 6year old daughter came up with this joke:

6yo: Dad, how are comedians liars?

Me: How?

6yo: They invent fictional narratives using imaginary children to express an idea in a humorous manner! This method is based on the accepted premise that younger people are associated with comedy in a way that propagates exclusive entertainment purposes, realising the...

Me: very good. Go brush your teeth now.

👍︎ 2
💬︎
👤︎ u/ExtraSure
📅︎ Jul 01 2021
🚨︎ report
Finding Nemo was good but seriously talking animals?!

The premise, the movie, Nemo, it was a little fishy.

👍︎ 13
💬︎
📅︎ Aug 17 2020
🚨︎ report
A friend challenged me to a pun-athon, but being an artist, he was into pictoral puns.

Some of them were pretty strange: only he could understand them and explaining the 'pun' to somebody else would take like half an hour. Anyway-

He said, "So I'll go first?"

I said sure.

I think he took "pun-a-thon" a bit too literally - he took out a marker and drew a point, and then he kept drawing this straight line (he's good at drawing straight lines) while taking how many ever steps back. I for one was concerned, because first off I didn't know how long I'd have to stick around for this, and second of all, I didn't know if I could clean the mess he'd inevitably leave behind.

He kept drawing this line! We stepped out of my living room, then my apartment which was on ground-level, and he kept drawing it. He drew his line all the way through the corridor, up until the entrance to the building, and when I kept asking him if he's done yet, he didn't say a word. I had to keep subtly reassuring security and everyone who was staring at my friend hunched over like that robot from Wall-E.

He stepped out of the building and kept on drawing his line. At this point I was trying to guess what the hell is the outcome. I kept screaming punchlines at him like "is this where you draw the line?", "are you going to punch me after this so this is a punchline?" and shit like that. There were people following us and two were taking videos and it was really fucking uncomfortable.

Right after he was outside the building and the premises, he started to draw this stunning drawing of the building right on the pavement. It was almost magical, as if he had been commissioned to make an ad for my place but for a million bucks. At this point the people who were following us didn't even get pissed off because they were so engrossed in his drawing. I was surprised the marker kept going on.

After about 20 minutes - he was a real quick draw (no pun intended) - he stood up and a crowd of two dozen clapped and cheered for him.

I told him, "Dude that looks fucking amazing, but I thought we were in a pun-a-thon. Why such a long set-up?"

He replied, "Yeah it was pretty drawn out."


(for more drawn-out jokes like this, visit r/feghoot!)

👍︎ 6
💬︎
📅︎ Sep 29 2018
🚨︎ report
A Punny Story

A director and a costume designer had a disagreement over a critical shot in the horror movie they were filming in their studio.

The director planned to use CGl for a brief but critical reveal-shot of the movie's monster. But the costume designer insisted they use an actual costume instead of CGl.

"CGl makes a movie look cheap these days," she proclaimed.

The two of them continued debating until they began arguing. The stage crew, actors on break, and other people around them began watching until both the costume designer and director were shouting over each other at the top of their lungs. Despite their efforts, nobody could calm them down.

Fearing the incident may lead to blows, one of cameramen called a studio security guard in urgent request. The guard arrived a minute later and made a beeline for the director and costume designer, who were being held back by multiple people on set.

"lt's my movie. l make the decisions!" the director hollered, hoarse and red in the eyes.

"The movie quality will suffer!" the costume designer screamed, hair plastered across her sweaty face.

The security guard stepped in-between them and raised his pistol at the ceiling without a word. They continued to argue around him. There was a bark of gunshot, then nothing but silence and some falling plaster.

"Now see here," the guard said loudly, stepping back to look at the two of them. "Either you two quit your bickering or l'll have to escort you off the premises. You're making a scene."

👍︎ 12
💬︎
👤︎ u/BaronVA
📅︎ Jul 07 2017
🚨︎ report
They should make a movie like Ratatouille, but the guy learns to swear.

The premise is that the mouse controls the curser on the screen.

👍︎ 14
💬︎
📅︎ Aug 27 2018
🚨︎ report
This is a grandfather joke...

My grandparents were at a dinner theater show. The premise is that it was a wedding reception. It was in August. The actor playing the minister was standing next to Grammy and Papa's table, mopping sweat from his forehead. Papa': Good evening, reverend. Are you by chance Presbyterian? Actor: No...why do you ask? Papa': You appear to be "presbyreing"

👍︎ 5
💬︎
📅︎ Jan 17 2017
🚨︎ report
Morning after a party at my friends place, one friend had trouble sleeping.

My friend had trouble sleeping because a clock kept ticking loudly near him all night, so when he told us that I responded "I bet that really Ticked You off."

I was promptly told to leave the premises and not come back.

👍︎ 3
💬︎
👤︎ u/Dorminder
📅︎ Apr 19 2014
🚨︎ report
Let's play a game

We were watching a reality show called Oak Island when my dad said, "This would take a turn if they'd misheard and its actually Poison Oak Island. (Cue dad laugh)

But it got me thinking about a game I saw on Hollywood Game Night where they merge someone's last name and someone's first name. Like Bruce Wayne Gretzky. I find that hilarious.

This is my game creation: merge a well known phrase with a TV show, movie or other media that completely changes the premise of the media in a funny way.

First contribution: Tie Die Hard

👍︎ 4
💬︎
📅︎ Sep 25 2014
🚨︎ report
My father just posted this on Facebook.

MURDER AT COSTCO STORE

Tired of constantly being broke and stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife with himself as the beneficiary and then arranging to have her killed.

A 'friend of a friend' put him in touch with a nefarious dark-side underworld figure who went by the name of 'Artie.' Artie explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was $10,000.

The Husband said he was willing to pay that amount but that he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's insurance money. Artie insisted on being paid at least something up front, so the man opened his wallet, displaying the single dollar that rested inside. Artie sighed, rolled his eyes and reluctantly agreed to accept the dollar as down payment for the dirty deed.

A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local Costco supermarket. There, he surprised her in the produce department and proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands. As the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath and slumped to the floor, the manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the murder scene. Unwilling to leave any living witnesses behind, Artie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well.

However, unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by the hidden security cameras and observed by the shop's security guard, who immediately called the police. Artie was caught and arrested before he could even leave the premises.

Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the whole sordid plan, including his unusual financial arrangements with the hapless husband who was also quickly arrested.

The next day in the newspaper, the headline declared...

(You're going to hate me for this.........)

'ARTIE CHOKES 2 for $1.00 Costco

👍︎ 2
💬︎
📅︎ Feb 19 2014
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.