It was pittiful.
They're the pits.
These are the pie-rates of the Caribbean.
The 1st amendment is the right to freeze peach.
Man-go away!
The stonefruit was almost ready for harvest when he was hit with a bout of laryngitis that left him unable to talk. Despite the doctors orders for bed rest, he went into the orchard early one morning to find all of his mature peach trees had been stolen. He was peachless."
James and the Giant Peach
Students were asking about the impeachment news this morning, so I explained what it was about, then:
Me: I'm really confused about the whole process, though. I thought Trump wasn't peach, he's orange!
Edit: I understand the downvotes. This joke was low-hanging fruit.
A peach hobbler.
(This is an original as far as I can tell. Made it up years ago on a car ride across the US with the family. Kids are in college now but still enjoy it.)
One day Mario and Luigi were arguing with eachother after they came across a very unique ghost in their travels. See, this particular spirit had a permanent rain cloud above her head, leaving water wherever she went. Even more curiously, she permanently had her nose buried in a book!
Mario was adamant "No one's ever seen anything like this before. We should contact the librarians in Peaches Castle to document this."
But Luigi was infuriated and set out to prove his brother wrong. After many hours in the library, he threw a monsters compendium on the desk infront of his brother and exclaimed...
"Take a look.
Its in the book.
Its a reading Rain Boo."
Peaches the gorilla escaped from the zoo, but when they got him back they had to change it because it turns out he had become an Ape Re-caught.
"We can do peanut butter with either peach preserves or honey," I told her.
"Honey, please!"
"That's fine," I thought, "the peach preserves are my jam anyway."
"Stone of a peach!"
Was a favorite of my Dad's. There are probably others that I can't recall. Share yours in the comments!
The baker says, "Hello. What can I get you?"
"Yes, I'd like a p-p-p-p cobbler," the guy says while wringing his hands.
The baker looks at him confused, "I'm sorry, what type of cobbler?"
"A p-p-p-p cobbler," the guy says while starting to sweat.
The baker says, "Do you mean a peach cobbler?"
The guy smiles and nods his head, "Yes, that's what I meant. Sorry, I have peach impediment."
The other night, my wife made a fantastic peach pie. It was the best one she has been ever made (she even put my initials in it with a heart around it). As she was showing off her handiwork, the pie slipped out of the pan and splattered everywhere. The wife started crying, the kids started complaining. My 23 year old nephew walks into the room and looks at the ensuing chaos. He grabs a handful of the mush, eats it, and says to my wife, "I think the pie turned out just peachy."
