A list of puns related to "The Patient"
Disheartened
“Thank you for your cervix.”
The doctor replied, “That’s a good place to wait. Tell him I can’t see him now.”
“Suture self.”
Skeletons
“I can’t be sure what’s wrong with you,” the doctor said. “I think it’s the drinking.”“Okay,” the patient said. “Can we get an opinion from a doctor who’s sober?”
He was called Sir Jerry from that time onwards
The patient is wearing nothing but Saran wrap. Psychiatrist says, “I can see your nuts.”
Doctor: "It's not only the suspense..."
She was known as the girl with empyema.
Suture self. 🤷♂️
The doctor said, “No Afib is when you say your heart is beating faster but you know it’s not.”
The person was extremely upset and demanded the doctor reverse the treatment.
The doctor replied - "I'm sorry there's currently no way to make you taller again but we're working on it. In the meantime, you'll just have to be a little patient"
His doctor asked him for a stool sample.
Because the doctor had told him to drink his medicine with one teaspoon.
"Yes, my master, I have."
"And a waterfall, spilling mightly over the stones without taking anything out of its proper place?"
"Yes, my master, I have witnessed it."
"And the moon, when it touches the calm water to reflect all its enormous beauty?"
"Yes, my master, I have also seen this marvelous phenomenon."
"That is the problem. You keep watching all this shit instead of training."
I-see-the-minnow-fin.
Her efforts were in vein.
''I can't find a cause for your complaint. Frankly, I think it's due to drinking.''
''In that case,'' said the patient, ''I'll come back when you're sober''
...when asked why, she said "my ex, Ray, works down there."
The judge said he didn't have a leg to stand on.
"That's humerus".
Be Patient
Urine trouble.
For shortening
Therapist: Why ?
Patient: Yes!
YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TOOTH!
(I actually told this to my dentist yesterday, as a joke of course)
A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.
She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,
"Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very, closely:
"Are - my - test - results - back?"
There was instant confusion
- Can you hear better with the hearing aid that I recommended?
- Yes, I can. Thank you very much, doctor. I've already re-written my Will 3 times.
The head veterinarian at a zoo noticed something alarming in a patient’s record. A monkey that had been a healthy weight at its last checkup was now recorded as being only half that.
Fearing for the monkey’s health, he went and saw it, expecting it to be sickly and skeletal. However, the monkey seemed totally normal. Confused told his staff to weigh the monkey again.
They did, but the number they reported was still astonishingly low. Sure it was a mistake, he went to weigh the monkey for himself. But when he put the monkey on the scale, it showed a number that was still far too low, and couldn’t possibly be right.
After a moment he spotted the problem: behind the scale was a grab bar on the wall, and the monkey had stealthily grabbed it with its tail, and was supporting some of its weight off the scale that way.
So the monkey's weight was fine, they just weren't paying attention to de tail.
Doctor: Stephen with a "ph"?
Nurse: Yes, a low one.
ICU later.
Stay positive.
That explained the stains next to it.
Suture self
Suture self 🤷♂️
because he was PATIENT
he said, ''I can't find a cause for your complaint. Frankly, I think it's due to drinking.''
''In that case,'' said the patient, ''I'll come back when you're sober''
Suture self.
Suture self.
Suture self.
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