The Narrow Puns

By R.G.Bargee.

I knew Ithmus be the place.

I'm dreaming of a Wight Isthmus.

The dad suddenly sits up, sniffs the air and runs to the narrow opening.

"Somebody is baking! I smell nutmeg!"

The mother runs over and wedges herself in the remaining opening.

"Ooh! I smell vanilla and cinnamon!"

The baby poked and prodded but couldn't get past his mom and dad to smell the outside air.

"Oh man! All I smell is mole asses!"

They arrive late so all the seats were taken. The 4 gentlemen decide to stand in the narrow walkway at the back, one behind the other.

The Magician on stage notices the commotion, and asks the gentlemen:

"Can you all see me from there?"

So the gentlemen reply in order:

"Yes." "Oui." "Si." "Ja."

(Note: I didn't find a joke similar to this on here, but if you did post this joke before, please let me know 😉)

My dad was riding shotgun while my brother was making repeated futile attempts to pull his Suburban into a narrow parking space. Dad turned around to me, looked me in the eye and deadpanned, "He's got parking son's disease".

This bull had won best in show awards. Groomed daily, perfect stance, it was a great bull.

One day the farmer goes out and sees the bull has gone cross-eyed. This was going to ruin ant chance of future awards, so he called the livestock vet out.

The veterinarian gets there and examines the bull, realizes he's seen this happen before and grabs a narrow metal tube from the back of his truck.

He brings the tube over and jams the tip of it into the bulls hind end and proceeds to blow as hard as he can through the end of it.

The farmer looks at the bulls eyes as the vet is blowing into the bulls backside and says "it's working! I see his eyes straightening right up, keep doing it!"

The vet blows and blows his face and cheeks turning red and finally says, "I'm out of breath I can't do it anymore, his eyes are almost straight you'll have to finish"

The farmer comes over and grabs the tube, pulls it out, turns it around and puts it back in the other way, the vet stops him and says, "What on Earth are you doing?"

The farmer says, "Well I don't want to put my mouth on the same end you did!"

It was sometime last year that my girlfriend at the time and I were walking on a local public trail with her German Shepherd. She had always been very adamant about my jokes having a "dadness" to them but I always brushed it off until this day.

As we're walking, a lady and her two kids go to pass us going the other way on a narrow part of the trail and I say:

"Don't worry, she's friendly...(smirk level at maximum)...oh and the dog is too."

My girlfriend facepalms and the lady chuckles and says, "It's like we brought your father with us, huh kids?"

Girlfriend enthusiastically says, "See! Not funny dad jokes!"

From that day on I acknowledged my dad jokes as what they are but to this day I refuse to believe they aren't funny. And I guess that's my introductory post to this subreddit.

My aunt's bathroom is shaped like a hallway, long and narrow. I found out when she moved into her house, her dad told her she should repaint the bathroom with silver paint. When she asked him why, he said, "Well then you could call it the Long John Silver."

My dad had a heart attack over the summer and today he had another appointment with his doctor.

Me: What did the doctor say?

Dad: He gave me some bad news...

(Tense moment)

Dad: He said I was going to die.

(I relax at this point and narrow my eyes at him)

Dad: Yeah, doc says I'm going to die in about forty or fifty years.

cue laughter on his end and eye-rolling on mine

So when I was cooking in the kitchen (which is very narrow and small) I accidentally brushed up on a loosely closed tin can of Door Varnish spilling it all everywhere. I had to explain after I tried to clean it up to my mother and brother.

Me: So yeah, I spilled the whole can of door varnish on the kitchen floor and the hallway, it's going to hard to walk around for a little while.

My Brother: changes conversation Anyways are you free tomorrow, Mum?

My Mother: Yes, but first we must get out of this sticky situation.

i'm digging around in the supplies when my buddy asks, "what are you looking for?".

"S'more stuff"

to which he replies, "like what?"

My mouth opened and I just about repeated myself when my eye brows narrow and I look at him. he's just grinning at me.