Ever since I killed one of my chickens with the lawn mower...

all manner of scary, haunting things are happening to me. I may have a poultrygeist.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
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When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. Somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer. Always something more important to me...

Finally, she thought of a clever way to make her point.

When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.

I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.

I was gone only a minute and when I came out, I handed her a toothbrush.

I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a slight limp...

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
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My son came home to find me slumped over the lawn mower crying my eyes out. He shouted over the noise, "You ok, pop?!" I shouted back...

"I'm fine!! I'm just going through a rough patch!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
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Today I had to get rid of the lawn mower I've had for 20 years.

It just could no longer make the cut.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Challengedildo
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2019
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My dad always used to tell me to wear shoes when using the lawn mower. I would always end up wearing slippers.

He would say "Don't come running to me if you get your legs cut off!".

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2016
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What Did The Monkey Say When His Tail Got Caught In The Lawn Mower?

It won't be long now.

Ted Allen said this dad joke on Chopped and this older cowboy chef knew the punchline. He must have kids.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CapnCrunchDaPimp
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2015
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I noticed some really nasty weeds in my yard.

I tried my gas-powered trimmer, which is normally up to the task, but I couldn't cut through them.

I tried using my mower to tear them up, but it couldn't make a dent.

I got out the manual tree branch trimmer to try to take out some of the bigger stalks, but I just couldn't cut through.

Finally, I got out my chainsaw, and even then, the thicket just clogged it up & wouldn't go down.

I give up.

I fought the lawn, and the lawn won.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/popegonzo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2018
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My Dad's signature longform joke

My Dad loves to tell this joke when he meets new people. When he met my fiance, I led him into it and he took the bait seamlessly.

"I went out to check my mail and saw my neighbor mowing his lawn. As I was going back inside, I heard the mower mess up and him screaming. I ran over and saw he had run over his foot. It was terrible, he had been wearing flip flops. His big toe was cut off and his foot was very bloody. I immediately called 911, then yelled for my wife to help. I used my shirt to wrap up his bloody foot up and saw that his big toe was lying a few feet away in the grass clippings. I told my wife to bring me our cooler with an ice pack, then I put the toe in the cooler. A few minutes later the ambulance arrived, and they rushed him off to the hospital. I was quite relieved but as I turned to go back inside, I realized the EMTs forgot the cooler."

At this point he pauses for a long time, and the listener invariably cries, "What did you do!?"

He takes a moment, and calmly responds, 'Well, I called a tow truck!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/budgeroo
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2013
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Mower jokes

My brother, my stepdad and I were working on a mower that we picked up from someone. The mandrel assembly was broken, but we didn't know that until we looked under the mower deck.

<After picking up the mower deck> Stepdad: Ohh! I see what's going on! Brother: Stepdad saw something revolutionary!

Groans were had all around

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πŸ‘€︎ u/2003z440
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2015
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Farm Humor

My friend of mine is a new dad and lives on a farm. He has some cattle that are free to roam around the yard. He calls them his "auto-moo-tic" lawn mowers.

He's gonna be a fine dad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/foxekiwi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2013
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I saw my dad slumped over the lawn mower, crying his eyes out, so I yelled, "Are you ok?!"

He said he’ll be fine, he’s just going through a rough patch.

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2018
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