The Movie Show Puns

After all, these people make a lot of concessions at work.

To scare the hell out of them.

Rogue one, me zero.

A rare glimpse of a slice of life

On Oct. 29, 2019, the world lost a legend. Esteemed actor and comedian, John "Pops" Witherspoon, passed away at the age of 77. After making his acting debut on The Richard Pryor Show in 1977, Witherspoon starred in cultural classics like Good Times, House Party, I'm Gonna Git You Sucka, Bebe's Kids, Boomerang, Soul Plane, I Got the Hook-Up, The Wayans Bros, all three of the revered Friday movies and many more. https://4ormypeople.com/mood/2019/10/30/rip-john-pops-witherspoon

A classic  Abbott and Costello routine, from their first movie,  One Night in the Tropics, where  Bud Abbott shows that he’s not above running a quick scam on his friend,  Lou Costello, in order to make a few dollars.

One of the classic  Abbott and Costello  routines, where Bud Abbott takes advantage of a common math mistake that we all make to fleece his pal, Lou Costello, out of all of his money.  The skit ends with a simple ‘read my mind’ routine that takes Lou’s last remaining bill.  This routine was done  many  times, both in the movies and their radio show.

Bud Abbott: Do me a favor, loan me $50.
Lou Costello: Bud, I can’t. I can’t loan you $50.
Bud Abbott: Oh, yes, ya can.
Lou Costello: No, I can’t. All I got is $40.
Bud Abbott: All right, give me the $40 and you’ll owe me 10  
Lou Costello: Ok, I’ll owe you 10.
Bud Abbott: That’s right.
Lou Costello: How come I owe you 10?
Bud Abbott: How much did I ask for?
Lou Costello: 50
Bud Abbott: How much did you give me?
Lou Costello: 40.
Bud Abbott: So you owe me $10.
Lou Costello: That’s right.  [Pause] But you owe me 40.
Bud Abbott: Don’t change the subject.
Lou Costello: I’m not changing the subject; you’re trying to change my finances. Come on, Abbott give me my $40.
Bud Abbott: All right, there’s your $40, now give me the 10 you owe me.
Lou Costello: I’m paying you on account.
Bud Abbott: On account?
Lou Costello: On account I don’t know how I owe it to ya.
Bud Abbott: That’s the way you feel about it, that’s the last time I ask you for a loan of $50.
Lou Costello: But how can I loan ya $50, now. All I got is 30.
Bud Abbott: Well, give me the 30 and you’ll owe me 20.
Lou Costello: Ok. This is getting worse all the time. (Look at audience) First I owe him 10, now I owe him 20.
Bud Abbott: Well, why do you run yourself into debt?
Lou Costello: I’m not running in, you’re pushing me!1
Bud Abbott: I can’t help it if you can’t handle your finances. I do all right with my money.
Lou Costello: And you do all right with my money too.
Bud Abbott: Now I asked you for a loan of $50. You gave me 30, so you owe me 20. 20 and 30 is 50.
Lou Costello: No. No. No. 25 and 25 is 50.
Bud Abbott: All right, here’s your $30, now give me the 20 you owe me. Fine guy, won’t loan a pal $50.

Hey guys. As I'm sure most of you know, it's currently Thanksgiving in Canada. This time of year for me has, in the past, caused a lot of issues in my life.

To give a little bit of background on me, I'm usually an extremely healthy and fit guy, as I play high-level sports and have a physically demanding job. However, for much of my life, my willpower began to crumble around this time of year.

I first started taking my diet seriously when I was about 12 years old. I had some kind of realization where like, I dunno, I started looking at how jacked these movie stars were and was all, "wow, I want to be that cool too." Judging by the bowl cut I had when I was 12, my perception of cool may have been a little skewed, but I digress.

Anyhow, it was my first Thanksgiving where everything started falling apart. One of my relative's families ended up no-showing for dinner, so we were left with a load of Thanksgiving leftovers. For the next week, every single meal or snack I had was Thanksgiving themed. Sandwich? Turkey sandwich. Breakfast? Let's dollop some cranberry sauce on that bad boy. By the next week, my BGC (blood gravy content) was probably at like 1.0%.

You'd think I'd be sick of holiday food after that. But no. I loved it.

The tradition of refrigerated Thanksgiving snacks continued throughout the rest of my teen years. Like clockwork, the numbers on the scale would significantly jump upwards in October, with Halloween candy adding an extra layer of calories on top. By the time I reached 17, my waist had begun noticeably ballooning, and I realized it was all due to Thanksgiving turkey. Sure, I had some at Christmas and sometimes at Easter, but never like that. My mother would encourage this habit, making more food each year to be stuffed into our packed refrigerator.

The movie star bod I wanted for so much at the age of 12 was slipping a way. I needed to put an end to this.

Flash forward to October 2015, age 18. I had made a vow: I never again would place such putrid poultry onto my tastebuds. And ever since that fateful week of 2014, my vow had held true.

Each Thanksgiving, I can feel that craving for chilled turkey knocking on the refrigerator door of my fragile ego. For three years, I've held strong. But when will the garrison fall? When will that soft, biting flesh of the big bird smash it's way back into my life.

But so far, I've quit cold turkey.

2:30 (Tooth Hurty)

I suspect I didn't make this up. Heard it SOMEWHERE on a tv show or movie. But I don't recall. Never the less it has been rattling around in my head for a few days now.

I went to see the new spider-man movie today, and they were a bit slow cleaning the cinema from the previous showing (probably because of everyone sticking around for the post-credits scene), so a bunch of us were hanging out outside.

A guy with two kids walks up and says "Are you waiting for Spider-man?" one of the folks waiting says yes, and the dad says, "Oh well, I'm sure he'll swing by soon."

I gave him a nod of respect. Thought you guys would appreciate too.

My boyfriend was telling my dad about a movie or show, called "The Leftovers".

Dad: I don't think I've seen the leftovers.

Me: Sure you have, dad, they're in the fridge!

Have my phone out during the commercials before the commercials leading up to a movie and they show the "please silence you cell phones" message.

Just then I get a text and my phone dings.

"Shhhhhhh. Be quiet. "

So we were talking about various old school movies and tv shows.

Husband: Have you ever seen The Great Outdoors?

Me: Only when I look out the window.

BA dum tss.

The year was 2007. The movie Reign Over Me was showing in theaters, so my family made our way down to the theater. My dad moseys his way on up to the ticket counter,

Dad: Can I have four tickets to that show... What's it called... Something about the weather?

Ticket Counter Woman: (blank stare)

Dad: Oh I know, I'll have four tickets to Water On My Head.

Ticker Counter Woman: (more uncomfortable blank staring)

Dad: Oh I'm sorry, I meant REIGN ON ME!

Cue more blank stares from the ticket sales woman.

The fact that I still vividly remember that joke, more than all the others, 7 years later kind of amazes me.

My family are all big fans of the show It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia, so when a trailer for The Lego Movie came on, we all paid close attention, because Charlie Day from the show has a role in it.

My dad, who was in the other room, came in and asked what we were talking about.

"The Lego Movie. A trailer just came on for it."

"Oh, I've heard great things about that I think it's going to be big."

"You think so?"

"Yeah, a real blockbuster."

We were watching a reality show called Oak Island when my dad said, "This would take a turn if they'd misheard and its actually Poison Oak Island. (Cue dad laugh)

But it got me thinking about a game I saw on Hollywood Game Night where they merge someone's last name and someone's first name. Like Bruce Wayne Gretzky. I find that hilarious.

This is my game creation: merge a well known phrase with a TV show, movie or other media that completely changes the premise of the media in a funny way.

First contribution: Tie Die Hard

A friend was telling my dad about the new disaster movie Twister. >Friend: "The special effects are so amazing. They actually showed a cow flying across the screen."

>My Dad: "Oh, pasteurize (Past your eyes)?"

Long time ago, but hard to forget!

Dad: Let's go see a movie at the drive-in. Me: Isn't that closed because it's winter? Dad: It's still showing one movie called "Closed for the Season."