Ever wonder what happened to the Jolly Green Giant?
If you're cold go and stand in the corner.
What travels all over the world, but stays in a corner?
The hottest place in a room is the corners.
What's the opposite of screeching around the corner?
I saw a cow got bullied by 3 other cows to a corner
You can say she's a "Corned-Beef" now
It was really cold in Northern Indiana today so I spent my day huddled in the corner...
It was 90 degrees in there
My son told me the house was cold, I told him to go stand in the corner...
'Cause the corner is 90 degrees.
After many years of therapy, my psychologist has finally cured me of the desire to sit in the corner in public and blow on people that walk by! But now I have the urge to wear teen idol t-shirts and lean against the wall...
Long time fan, first time poster.
Everyone at my therapist’s office hates it when I stand on one corner of the room and blow air at people.
Bill and Melinda Gates got divorced. Melinda got the house...
But Bill kept the Windows
I made an explosive snow man in the shape of a cow
How do you make an octopus jolly?
Turn him into cala-merry.
What do you call a happy cowboy?
I tried to make my login password "Beefstew"
There will be point in the future when Canada will take over the world.
And then you will all be sorry.
My Bluetooth speaker wasn’t working so I threw it into the lake.
To the person who stole my MS Office License.
I will find you. You have my Word.
I told my wife I saw a deer on the way to work.
She said how do you know he was headed to work?
"Ho, ho, ho," the jolly bastard mused, unaware I'd been slinking in the shadows for days, ready to unleash my revenge. I'd memorized his patterns, followed his every move, and had set the perfect trap. Down the chimney, ensnared by my noose, and left hanging above the fireplace; I got what I wanted.
Guys, today was my first day in the navy and I felt so lost!
He gave the toy horses a home in his ___
My wife said, “I don’t really understand the science behind human cloning.”
I said, “That makes two of us.”
Music puns sometimes hit the high notes
My wife: You need to do more chores around the house.
Me: Can we change the subject?
My wife: Okay. More chores around the house need to be done by you.
Why did the jolly green giant get arrested
The CEO of IKEA has been elected Prime Minister of Sweden.
He's currently assembling his cabinet.
I bought a record at the charity shop the other day, "Sounds That Wasps Make". I took it home and it sounded nothing like Wasps.
That's when I realised I was playing the Bee side.
The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested.
I hear they're gonna give him a really tough sentence.
What is the fastest growing city in the world?
Capital of Ireland
It's Dublin everyday
True story, just happened, proud of myself: Dog starts barking furiously out of nowhere. Come to the door to see she's startled a pair of guys from a roofing company who've come to fix a hole where squirrels are getting in.
"Sorry about her. Her specialty is also roofing."
Blank stares. My talents are so wasted without kids.
This is the last thing I need
How do you determine the mass of a red hot chili pepper?
Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now
My wife called me at work and said “it’s time, the baby is coming”
I said that’s impossible, Labor Day is in September!
(New dad of a 3 week old, trying to step into my new role)
The urge to sing “The Lion Sleeps Tonight” is always just a whim away...
A whim away, a whim away, a whim away
I hate the word "xenophobia", it sounds so...
What’s the difference between in-laws & out-laws?
How do you make the number one disappear?
You add "g" and it's GONE
Spring is just around the corner
Why do pirates always end up buying the Jolly Roger for their ships instead of choosing other designs?
It’s the only one that’s always on sail....
the very peak of my existence about 6 months ago today
The cast of “Friends” got stuck at sea in a boat, but thankfully nothing happened.
Q: Why don't Buddhists vacuum in the corners?
A: Because they have no attachments.
The most important part of a mail pun, is the delivery.
What’s the difference between a cat and a comma?
A cat has claws at the end of its paws, and a comma’s a pause at the end of a clause.
Told my dad I was cold, his response was to tell me to stand in the corner
When you get cold, stand in the corner of the room ...
It's always about 90 degrees
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