A list of puns related to "The Husband"
She says, "No, first a Gibson! Then a Fender!"
What do you call a creature who goes away in winter and comes back in spring?
An annu-mal
Cheetah!
Wife: No, he said you could have a stroke at any time
Because she was lack-toes intolerant
He said, “Get the batteries in your hearing aids changed.”
I walked up to her and said, "You never told me you were married. Let me know when he arrives."
He replies, “again this week???”
Then he said, “You told me you wanted to eat light for lunch today”
The husband says, it’s reindeer.
She texts her husband "if you're sleeping send me your dreams; if you're singing send me your melody; if you're laughing send me your smile.
He texts back "I'm taking a dump. So what do you want me to send you?"
Husband to wife: Absolutely! Before you, they where all nines and tens
"I have a lot on my plate right now"
"It's really frustrating, and I've told her I may have to leave her if she keeps it up," he said.
The therapist turned to the wife and asked her to share her thoughts.
She said, "divorce is strong with this one."
I'm not buying it!
"No more bowl shit!"
“I bet it’s Angela!”
He said "Buy a gallon of milk, if there are apples, buy 12". Then he got mad at me when i show up at home with 12 gallons of milk.
Husband says, "out of hitting the ladder and not hitting the ladder, I choose the latter".
He says "DOC! I am VERY worried right now! My wife is very close to her delivery date and she constantly screams "CAN'T", "DON'T", "WON'T" and "SHOULDN'T" all the time!.
The doc said "Don't worry. Those are just contractions."
I wonder if they checked the local IHOP?
At a funeral, a man approaches the wife of the deceased husband.
The man leans into her and asks, "Do you mind if I say a word?"
"No, go right ahead", the woman replies.
The man stands, clears his throat, says, "Plethora", and sits back down.
"Thanks", the woman says, "that means a lot".
Soon after, another man also comes to her and says, "May I say a word?"
"Yes", the mourning woman answers.
"Bargain", the man then sits back down.
"Thank you", the woman says, "that means a great deal to me".
Another man comes to her as well, and asks,
"Do you mind if I say a few words?"
"Go on", she answers.
Then the man says, "a few words"
A honeydew list
He said, “Wrong. It starts with a ‘Yes’.”
His wife looked at the therapist and said, "Divorce is strong with this one."
I guess the bags are too Hefty.
Cause all she wants to do is Chew Chew
His wife said he walked too slowly.
That's because it was lye soap.
"I love our little chats!"
The woman says “The doctor said I have acute angina” to which the husband replies “I know you do but what does that have to do with a heart exam?”
I told him it was a naan-issue.
He said, "Shore."
He ran to the window and said "Icee!"
If it gets any worse, I’ll have to let him in.
Husband: All of the parts that need to be flatter
He said, “Change the batteries in your hearing aid”.
At her arraignment the judge asked "First offender?"
She replied "No, first a Gibson, and then a Fender."
“No, your honor. First a Gibson, then a Fender.”
She replied, “no, first a Gibson, then a Fender”.
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