No historian has ever found the remainder of the cherry tree George Washington chopped down

They’re stumped.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DJ_Degen
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a historian studying a music genre that originated in Jamaica in the late 1950s...

A ***Ska***lar.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2021
🚨︎ report
It has recently been discovered that William Tell and his son belonged to a bowling league. But Swiss historians have not been able to determine the name of the league's sponsors.

We may never know for whom the Tells bowled.

πŸ‘︎ 446
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/klwill1192
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Historians have proved that people from every zodiac sign survived the Sinking of the Titanic

Except Leo

πŸ‘︎ 46
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Historians have traced the origins of flatulence jokes to ancient egypt

It turns out they all have a toot in common

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DargeBaVarder
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
🚨︎ report
In the future, historians will call 2020 the Hindsight year because we have clearly seen it all
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JokerJangles123
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
🚨︎ report
What do historians call the period of time in which many parents left their infant children behind?

The orphanAGE

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/grantzke
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2018
🚨︎ report
I'm a historian who studies the American Civil War. Unfortunately, it's been hard making money at this.

So I applied for a General Grant.

πŸ‘︎ 55
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2017
🚨︎ report
Historians have finally figured out why the Chinese Army kept retreating from the Mongols.

Because General Tso’s Chicken.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2018
🚨︎ report
My dad the art historian

A family friend was over talking about how her grandfather was an avid gambler. She was telling us how family legend says that he lost his race track (they are very wealthy) while gambling at another race track. My dad chimes in: "I guess they probably called him Tolose Latrack (Toulouse-Lautrec) artistic facepalm

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/daggysick
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2013
🚨︎ report
There's been talk that the ancient Egyptians invented cement.

Historians have looked into the ruins for evidence, but there's nothing concrete.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2021
🚨︎ report
Some punny jobs

WORKING ON A JOB

My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned I just couldn’t concentrate. . Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn’t hack it, so they gave me the axe. . After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn’t suited for it. The job was only so-so anyhow. . Next I tried working in a muffler factory, but that was exhausting. . I wanted to be a barber, but I just couldn’t cut it. . I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldn’t cut the mustard. . My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasn’t note worthy. . I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn’t have any patience. . Next was a job in a shoe factory; but it just wasn’t the right fit. . I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn’t live on my net income. . I thought about becoming a witch, so I tried that for a spell. . I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining. . After many years of trying to find steady work, I finally got a job as a historian, until I realized there was no future in it. . My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to quit, because it was always the same old grind.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TTMOfficial
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
🚨︎ report
An American spy is in Soviet Russia, digging up information on a powerful Russian politician. He finds him in a bar, walks in dressed in Russian attire, pretending to be Russian. Everybody in the bar looks at him, but he keeps his cool. He orders a drink and walks to the politician...

"Greetings, comrade." says the spy, but before he could finish his sentence, the Russian says, "I think you are American spy."

The spy is alarmed, but being a skilled, trained, spy, he says, "That is not true! I am the proudest Soviet there is! I can sing the anthem more beautifully than any other man in the country!"

He then proceeds to sing the Soviet anthem, so melodically and beautifully, that everybody in the bar cheers.

"Very good, very good!" says the politician. "But I still think you are spy."

The man continues to keep his cool.

"I am a historian! I can tell you everything about this glorious country!"

He then spends about two hours recounting the Revolution, the Great Patriotic War, about how superior to the Russia is in terms of technology compared to America and makes a great argument about how communism is beneficial to society.

"Amazing! You are skilled!" says the politician.

The spy smirks.

"But I still think you American spy."

The spy is getting frustrated, but still unfazed.

He replies, "I am good drinker, a true Russian! Let us drink, and see who can come out top!"

The bar turns its attention to the politician and the spy, who are now in a drinking contest.

The bartender serves drink after drink of vodka.

After about an hour of drinking, the politician nearly passes out, unable to hold as much liquor as the spy, to a resounding cheer amongst the bar.

In the midst of the cheering, the Russian politician gets up, smiling, and in a slurred speech, repeats, "You are good, you are good... but I still think you are spy."

The American spy, piss drunk, loses his skill and gives up.

"Okay, you got me. I am an American. But what made you think that way, after all this time?"

The Russian politician replies, "There aren't many black people in Russia."

πŸ‘︎ 87
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2019
🚨︎ report
What's a pirate's favourite letter?

None. Based on the preponderance of evidence, the general consensus among historians is that most pirates were illiterate.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2019
🚨︎ report
A dad asks his son what he wants to be when he grows up

"A historian" the son quickly remarks. The dad with a worried expression replies "You do want to earn money when you grow up don't you, it's just I'm concerned there's no future in history"

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Fuyguy12
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2018
🚨︎ report
A brief history of time pieces

During the early days of Catholicism there was a huge uproar about the pocket watches that the elite class started carrying to tell time.

The conservative religious leadership at the time determined it to be heresy.

They rounded up anyone wearing watches made by the prominent inventors and burned them and their heretical time pieces.

They were considered some of the most beautiful watches ever made by man but now it is believed that none exist. Although, many historians and collectors still look for them.

Some people just want a watch the world burned.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/solomonsaysgo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2018
🚨︎ report
My wife asked, "What's wrong honey?" I sighed, "I’m just not having much luck with jobs lately."

"I couldn’t concentrate in the orange juice factory, wasn’t suited to be a tailor, the muffler factory was just exhausting, couldn’t cut it as barber, didn’t have the patience to be a doctor, didn’t fit in the shoe factory, pool maintenance was too draining and I just couldn’t see any future as a historian!"

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I haven't had much success with jobs lately

I couldn’t concentrate in the orange juice factory; wasn’t suited to be a tailor; the muffler factory was just exhausting; couldn’t cut it as barber; didn’t have the patience to be a doctor; didn’t fit in the shoe factory; pool maintenance was too draining and I just couldn’t see any future as a historian. I'm going to look into becoming an optometrist. We'll see.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/djeclipz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2019
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.