The Historian Puns

They’re stumped.

A Skalar.

We may never know for whom the Tells bowled.

Except Leo

It turns out they all have a toot in common

The orphanAGE

So I applied for a General Grant.

Because General Tso’s Chicken.

A family friend was over talking about how her grandfather was an avid gambler. She was telling us how family legend says that he lost his race track (they are very wealthy) while gambling at another race track. My dad chimes in: "I guess they probably called him Tolose Latrack (Toulouse-Lautrec) artistic facepalm

Historians have looked into the ruins for evidence, but there's nothing concrete.

WORKING ON A JOB

My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned I just couldn’t concentrate. . Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn’t hack it, so they gave me the axe. . After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn’t suited for it. The job was only so-so anyhow. . Next I tried working in a muffler factory, but that was exhausting. . I wanted to be a barber, but I just couldn’t cut it. . I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldn’t cut the mustard. . My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasn’t note worthy. . I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn’t have any patience. . Next was a job in a shoe factory; but it just wasn’t the right fit. . I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn’t live on my net income. . I thought about becoming a witch, so I tried that for a spell. . I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining. . After many years of trying to find steady work, I finally got a job as a historian, until I realized there was no future in it. . My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to quit, because it was always the same old grind.

None. Based on the preponderance of evidence, the general consensus among historians is that most pirates were illiterate.

"A historian" the son quickly remarks. The dad with a worried expression replies "You do want to earn money when you grow up don't you, it's just I'm concerned there's no future in history"

During the early days of Catholicism there was a huge uproar about the pocket watches that the elite class started carrying to tell time.

The conservative religious leadership at the time determined it to be heresy.

They rounded up anyone wearing watches made by the prominent inventors and burned them and their heretical time pieces.

They were considered some of the most beautiful watches ever made by man but now it is believed that none exist. Although, many historians and collectors still look for them.

Some people just want a watch the world burned.

"I couldn’t concentrate in the orange juice factory, wasn’t suited to be a tailor, the muffler factory was just exhausting, couldn’t cut it as barber, didn’t have the patience to be a doctor, didn’t fit in the shoe factory, pool maintenance was too draining and I just couldn’t see any future as a historian!"

I couldn’t concentrate in the orange juice factory; wasn’t suited to be a tailor; the muffler factory was just exhausting; couldn’t cut it as barber; didn’t have the patience to be a doctor; didn’t fit in the shoe factory; pool maintenance was too draining and I just couldn’t see any future as a historian. I'm going to look into becoming an optometrist. We'll see.