The Girlfriends Puns

I told her - that sounds more like a ewe problem.

Encan....TADAAA!!! (Nice to meet you)

I dug her dig's digs.

... he picked it up carefully with his trunk and peered at the little window with a racing heart...

Positive! ... Brenda was pregnant!

OMG... fear, excitement, shock... and yet more worrying "why hasn't she told me?"

A hundred scenarios raced through his head, his ears trembling, his trunk twitching as each played out...

Finally he calmed... maybe she was waiting for the right moment to tell him the news?

He chose to be patient... he watched her carefully the whole day, carefully avoiding anything that might show that he knew... but Bethany gave no hints whatsoever.

Several days went by, and he grew more and more anxious.

Finally, he could take it no longer...

"Bethany..." he said

"It's time we discussed the elephant in the womb".

It was his ex-tradition

Happy Valetntine’s day!

In Wal-mart, looking for my girlfriend, and trying to practice my spanish

I look around and say "donde estan, donde estan, donde estan", kind of thinking about this song I heard years ago.

She goes, what does "donde estan mean?"

I say, well it sort of means "where are you, or where are they? I'm looking for your mom and your sister."

Her reply was "I donde estahnd what your saying"

As I'm packing my car with my gf's clothes and things, her dad comes to help and talks to me for a bit.

Her dad: "What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?"

Me: Having read this one a few days prior on here, I reply, "Beer nuts are a buck fifty and deer nuts are under a buck" without skipping a beat.

Her dad: "I think we just broke some sort of protocol"

We both are grinning like crazy and my gf just shakes her head and gets in the car.

Glances at his watch, taps it, keeps walking and says "Still ticking. What a scam"

On a daily/hourly basis he reels them off. It's amazing. He also photoshops pictures (using Microsoft Paint, because he likes the challenge) of himself into various ridiculous and punny situations that might be the most comically genius things I've ever seen. If you're interested I'll find some for you guys.

I made Mary!

I re-Lent-ed

"This roof is poison. One drop will kill me!"

You want them to think you're a keeper.

Her dad said, “So I guess we will be seeing a lot more of each other?”

I put my arm around his daughter and said “I’m sorry sir, I have a girlfriend.”

He asked her father if it was alright for them to sleep together

He said no to which my dad replied " That's unfortunate, because you're a very attractive man".

Me: Where exactly is Uruguay?

Him: Next to My-uguay

• Groaning *

Her: "Dad why do you use the other grinder instead of the one built into the coffee machine?"

Dad explains that the other grinder is better because it's a burr grinder

Her: "What's different about a burr grinder?"

Dad: "It's really cold"

confused pause

Dad: "BRRRRR!!"

unanimous eye roll

Dad: What are you feeding that thing for?! Don't you know that it will grow on its own?

He responded, "it's okay - I only use the bottoms".

I think I'm going to like this guy.

To which I replied: "Hmph. Somebody must have whacked it."

Girlfriend rolled her eyes so hard she must have seen her brain.

We were watching the movie when my girlfriend made a comment about Bilbo not wearing shoes.

Her dad said, "I guess he has a bad Hobbit of not wearing shoes!

Everytime B-9 comes up, he says:

"B-9... not malignant."

-____-

His tweet: "Today was a good day."

My response: "I thought today was a Sunday."

My girlfriend text me immediately and said "Did you really just do that?"

Little sister: "I had to water the kool-aid down, it was really strong."

Grandpa: "Oh, was it running, or lifting weights?"

"So I'm watching a DVD on the tv" http://imgur.com/TmvHgaz

Peggy.

music tracks playing

Girlfriend- Dad, can you skip this please.

Dad- I can't, there's not enough room in the car.

My girlfriend and I were watching Cabin in the Woods tonight. Chris Hemsworth's character starts riding a dirt bike to jump across a chasm, when her dad chimes in. "If he crashes, he's going to be pretty Thor".

Where do lobsters go to repair their shells?

Homard-ware.

At the dinner table with girlfriend, her patents, and her Grandparents, eating Chinese. Mother goes "I have some lo-mein if anyone wants any"

And grandpa without missing a second "oh well do yo have any high-mein".

Flawless.