A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller.

He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patty Whack.

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"

The bank manager looks back at her and says, "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mama_Bear15
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
🚨︎ report
So I ate some frog legs for the first time tonight

They were pretty good. Only problem is, I now have a frog in my throat!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HissingGoose
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2021
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If James Hetfield officiated a wedding between Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy.....

He would be the Pastor of Muppets

πŸ‘︎ 91
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πŸ‘€︎ u/proweld7
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
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What did the horny frog say?

Rubbit.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thicklog7
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
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What did Kermit the frog say at Jim Henson’s funeral?

Nothing.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VVIIVVI
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2020
🚨︎ report
What is the frog community's favorite sporting event?

Marsh Madness

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
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What did the frog say when he jumped in the puddle?

Knee deep

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/skullchin
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
🚨︎ report
What happened to the frog when he wrecked his car ?

He got toad

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2020
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What did the frog say to the librarian when he returned his books?

Reddit, reddit, reddit

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Terri_Fried
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2020
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What’s the difference between a frog and a horny toad?

What’s the difference between a frog and a horny toad? A frog says ribbit-ribbit. A horny toad says rub-it rub-it.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2020
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What happened to the frog that hurt his leg?

He was un-hoppy!

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PrincessCuteButt
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2020
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What did the frog say when it browsed the used book bin?

Reddit, Reddit

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Guru_in_flannel
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
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What drink does a frog order at the bar?

A mo-squito...

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/discostuu72
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2020
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Why did the frog take the bus to work today ?

His car got toad away

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2020
🚨︎ report
What happened to the frog when it parked in the wrong place?

It got toad

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/royaj77
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the frog say to the fish

Water you breathing

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xace49
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2020
🚨︎ report
What do Alexander the Great and Kermit the Frog have in common?

Their middle name

πŸ‘︎ 60
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pengoobanana
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2020
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What do Kermit the Frog, John the Baptist and Vlad the Impaler have in common?

Same Middle Name

πŸ‘︎ 260
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kerlandays
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2019
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One day, Kermit the Frog was a little short on cash, so he went to the bank to speak to a loan officer...

When he got there, a woman extended her hand.

"Good afternoon, sir," she said. "My name is Patricia Wack. How may I help you today?"

Kermit replied, "Hi-ho, Patricia! I'm Kermit the Frog, and I would like to borrow some money."

They walked over to her desk and sat down.

"Certainly, Mr. Frog--"

"Oh, just call me Kermit."

"Okay... Kermit. How much money would you like to borrow?"

"Ten thousand dollars."

Mildly surprised, Ms. Wack looked intently at Kermit.

"Do you have any references?"

"Well, I suppose I could use my father, Keith Richards."

Ms. Wack froze for a second, then...

"THE Keith Richards?"

"Oh, yes. In fact, he told me he's friends with your manager, which is why I came in here."

"Okay... Do you have any collateral?"

"Excuse me?"

"Collateral. Something of value, like a car, or a boat..."

"Oh, yes! I do have something. I have this."

Kermit reached into his briefcase and placed a small figurine on the desk. Patricia looked curiously at the object, then at our amphibious friend.

"What's this?"

"It's a Hummel."

"A what?"

"A Hummel. They're supposed to be quite valuable. Well, at least this one is to me."

She picked up the Hummel and stood up.

"If you don't mind, I would like to show this to the manager."

"Oh, no! I don't mind at all!"

So, Patricia took the Hummel to the manager's office, knocked on the door, and walked inside.

"Patricia! What can I do for you?"

"Mr. Wilson, there's this... frog named Kermit at my desk, and he wants to borrow $10,000, but he has only this for collateral."

Mr. Wilson looked at the Hummel, then out to her desk.

"I don't see anything out of order here."

"But, Mr. Wilson--"

"Look, it's a knick-knack, Patty Wack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

πŸ‘︎ 67
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πŸ‘€︎ u/norrisrw
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the frog do when he contracted coronavirus?

He croaked.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tradyk
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2020
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I remember the first time I saw Kermit the Frog on Broadway...

Such a ribbit-ing performance.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chuckyocouch_
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2020
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Did you hear about the young frog whose grandmother was from Warsaw?

He was a tad Pole.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2020
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What the frog is this
πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boon_ashish
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend told me this: What did the pet frog say after you received an F on your test paper?

Rippit

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TimStaotic
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2020
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I watched a documentary about the noises frogs make

It was ribbiting.

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bermobaron
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the frog carrying a hot pot say?

Trivet trivet.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wannabereaper
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2019
🚨︎ report
the land of frogs
πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EvilMurloc22
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the frog cross the road

Because the chicken was on vacation

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2019
🚨︎ report
So a rabbi, a priest, and Kermit the frog all walk into a bar

The bartender looks at them and says, β€œwhat is this a joke?”

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/realswagmb
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2019
🚨︎ report
What is kermit the Frog's excuse for not recycling?

"It's not easy being green"

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hoochthemoon
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
🚨︎ report
What's the frog's job at the hotel?

Bellhop

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lacsantos91
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Kermeat the Frog
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AristonD
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2019
🚨︎ report
A condom manufacturer kept getting criticized because its new gimmicks never did anything for women. So they did what any good company would do and went to the most knowledgeable frog in the world for advice. You know what the frog said?

β€œRibbit.”

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Smacksmackums
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Why Did the Frog Cross the Road?

To show his friends he had guts.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/scottBIGG
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the frog say at the condom product development meeting?

Ribbit

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2019
🚨︎ report
What does a frog say when you ask how deep the water is?

Kneedeep, Kneedeep

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2019
🚨︎ report
What does the internet loving frog say?

Reddit

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TicTacGuacodile
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2019
🚨︎ report
What happened to the frog who parked by a fire hydrant?

He was toad away.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tanski14
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2019
🚨︎ report
How did the frog feel when he hurt his leg?

Unhoppy

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheYonko27
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2019
🚨︎ report
What is the difference between a cat and a frog?

A cat has 9 lives, but a frog croaks every day!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Numpkins
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Why couldn’t the frog get to work

becuase his car got toad

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CurrentlyOnJah
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2019
🚨︎ report
What happened to the frog's car when it broke down?

It got toad.

πŸ‘︎ 68
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jackoquack02
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2019
🚨︎ report
What happened to the frogs car when it broke down?

It got toad away.

πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shoopdebop
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you tell the difference between a frog and a horny toad? A frog says, "Ribbit, ribbit" and a horny toad says, "Rub it, rub it.”
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ruchi565
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you tell the difference between a frog and a horny toad?

A frog says, "Ribbit, ribbit" and a horny toad says, "Rub it, rub it.”

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/saforester
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2019
🚨︎ report
What does Henry the Eighth and Kermit the Frog have in common?

The same middle name.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sventhedropbear
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2019
🚨︎ report

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