What did the baby say when he saw his food in front of him?
Purée!!!
(I literally just came up with this and am a new dad. Please be gentle)
True story: So we were out today and sat at a table for some food. My 4yo asked what the holes and and notches were in the wood and my wife says “they are knot holes”.
Miss4 says “if they are not holes, what are they?”
What’s a football fan’s favorite food for the big game?
My cat fell off the kitchen counter trying to push the food bowl...
I guess there is a mis-cat-culation
A man recently ran up to me announcing that he was a primary color, then instructed me to perform a modern dance trend on the fourth letter of the alphabet and food coloring.
He said "I'm blue, dab a D, dab a dye".
If the old adage "You are what you eat." was actually true, what food would rappers never eat?
An orange, because they don't rhyme.
Why do people from the alt right only eat fresh food?
- Because they hate left overs
Did you hear about the baseball player who can spot a fast food restaurant from miles away?
He leads the league in Arby eyes.
Which dictator has the greatest passion for food?
I bought too much food at the store.
It'll probably last until the end of the year.
The panda tricked the zoo keeper into feeding it more food...
...Guess you could say the zoo keeper got bamboozled!
My wife is going through a tropical food craze. There are fruits all over the house!
It's enough to make a mango crazy!
What continent has the saltiest food?
Which is the most polite food in the world?
What did the edible fungus say when it ate too much food
I haven’t got mush-room in my stomach.
Why did Popeye write to the Italian food company Bertolli, thanking them for everything they’d done?
They made olive oil spread.
There's a department of the United Nations which tries to improve the quality of food in restaurants.
My 6 yr old son has an attitude problem at the dinner table. He barely eats and always makes the rudest comments about the home-cooked food we provide him, so tonight we tried alphabet soup.
I really hope he eats his words.
A hotdog walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender replies, "Sorry, we dont serve food here".
I tried finger food for the first time
Luckily I only used five so I could still hold it
Looking to learn a bit more about the foods we traditionally eat on Thanksgiving...
Can anyone recommend a good bog about cranberries?
How does Fozzy the Bear cook his food?
Diet Diary, Day one : Have just removed all the fattening food from the House..
..and it was so delicious.
Some students needed help calculating the number of food and drinks they'd need for a party. Their teacher responds...
"What's the equation? (occasion)"
Who is the God of Chinese food?
What do you call food that preaches the Bible?
I waited a long time for my food at the midget restaurant
I guess they were a little short-staffed
I went to a Norwegian restaurant the other day. The food was delicious. The service was superb. The only problem was...
A man was sentenced to 20 years in prison when he inadvertently contaminated the food supply of 30 specimens of America’s national bird.
His actions were highly ill-eagle
What did the Eastern European say when he needed food?
“Mom, I’m Hungary”
(Eastern euro joke 7/7)
I was in a food fight at school & accidentally hit the principal with a stale cafeteria bun...
...the jerk had me charged; assault with a breadly weapon.
Two cowboys walking through the plains, no food or water, death imminent. When through hazy vision one of them spies a tree, covered in bacon by an oasis of pure clean. One cowboy hide behind a rock, as his confused friend runs to the tree... only to be gunned down by some bandits.
The second cowboy is relieved to be alive, and thankful that he knew that that was no bacon tree.
It was a ham bush
Did you hear about the Italian food seller?
In addition to Taiwan, the US has also sold torpedoes to Vietnam. Rather than pay money, they traded with a huge bulk of food. The weapons are now called ...
Pho Ton Torpedoes.
(A consequence of reading a front page post about the sale to Taiwan while watching ST:TNG.)
What did the Eastern European waiter say to the customer when he asked where the food was?
I’ll Serb you shortly sir.
(Eastern Euro joke 3/7)
The sign said “no food allowed”
No problem, I thought, I’ll just eat quietly
Ever since the pandemic started, I’ve been wondering why my food delivery drivers have all been wearing glasses.
I had forgotten that contactless delivery was required.
Made this one up in collaboration with my daughter and we’re kinda proud: Which knight is the protector of foods?
A starving tribe marched their way to the desert to get food
because of the sand which is there.
I saw a bear begging for food in the street.
What is the Dove’s favourite food?
What country serves the oiliest food?
Son: Why is the food so cold and bland?
Dad: Because your mom put her heart and soul in it.
What's the easiest food to eat?
At the restaurant, my family was nearly finished eating and I still had half a plate of food left. The waitress asked, "Do you wanna box for that?"
I replied, "No thanks, I'd rather wrestle for it!"
In Marrakesh, the food is famously tangy, but there is another Moroccan city where...
You know what’s the most romantic food is?
The fat ones
They go straight to the heart
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