But atleast she has a smoothie
I guess you can say it's an auto-biography.
Dad: "I think you mean May I"
She got a full sentence
After we bought him a simple present, he was past tense
He was very passive aggressive
Synonym rolls
'How?' he asked.
I said, 'At the bottom of my son's homework you put 'A for effort' when clearly it starts with an E.'
He told me I was to discuss ting
he had a vowel movement...
So they could make a play on words.
I said to the English teacher.
A class of third graders are sitting down at their desks one morning when their teacher walks in.
“Good morning class, today we’ll be working on our English. Can someone use the word Fascinate in a sentence for me?”
Little girl in the front row raises her hand high, squirming in her seat. “The stars last night were fascinating.”
Teacher looks at her and says,”Close, I want you to use the word Fascinate.”
A boy near the middle of the room stands up and says,”I’m fascinated by the ocean and it’s creatures.”
“That’s still not the answer I’m looking for.” The teacher says. “Can anyone give me an example of Fascinate in a sentence.”
A quiet boy in the back stands up, clears his throat and says,”My grandmother came over last night wearing her new dress. It has ten buttons in the the front but her boobies are so big she can only fasten eight of them.”
A quaint little men's class,
a few with class,
some smelling of a gin glass,
some with eyes of a lass,
the remainder eyeing a lad,
but all glad,
and all present,
youngster of the present,
bearders of the crescent,
readers new testaments,
preachers of old testaments,
bearers of saffron tenets,
wearers of white tints,
weird lovers of croissant,
well, all here, will all hear?
we never know,
lets look at the show
The English teacher, said,
"how to drink a juice?"
i know, said bart the bartender,
"with vodka and chicken tender"
the weirded beardo now angry,
showed he was a shouter,
wanted to be a bart-ender,
while shushing the crowd,
use a pipe, piped up a voice, loud,
"huh" exclaimed preacher pastor,
"no smoking" he said, showing a guilty fluster ,
"no sir" said the voice,
I'm extra maker,
spoke the voice quicker,
Mr.White scratching head,
"I'm an ex-straw maker",
the air cleared.
Proceeding further, Teacher continued,
the class was listening, eyes glued,
"etiquette is important" he said,
"wear napkin before eating",
their faces changed,
pulse now beating,
Mr.White said, "sir, we don't bleed",
an irritated saffron Sundar spoke,
"if you bleed, education you don't need"
the English sir, now a sundered bloke,
calmed the masked fish market,
as his God's fate chisel hammered,
"Do you know how to fork?" he stammered,
a brief silence, and too many whispers later
"I Pen is use sir", said a bright face,
"Do you know how to use a fork?" he corrected,
with damage now done, Silence resumed.
>ThePundits
Sadly it doesnt work in english. Ill give you the gist though.
Sei ich in einem langweiligen französisch Kurs. Stapel Stifte und Radiergummies, und nach einiger Zeit fragt die Lehrerin was ich den mache. "ich bin nebenberuflicher Hochstapler"
Translated gist: I was stacking pens and erasers in a french class. When the teacher asked what I was doing I said, Im a part time Hochstapler wich can basically mean high-stacker or fraudster
Got the whole class to laugh, twas fun
Our English teacher was doing the attendance:
"Bob, Rob, Vladislav...GOT TO DO WITH it?"
Queue hysterical laughter for the boys and serious head shaking from the girls.
So my English teacher is originally from India and we were talking about Sarees, those India dresses and my teacher says:
"I brought 6 Sarees into Portugal and I feel very sad about the fact that I never seem to find the opportunity to wear them."
And I respond:
"Oh.. I'm Saree to hear that."
Only one of my classmates undestood it off the bat, the others had a slow but explosive reaction.
It was in English class, and the teacher says "welcome to English, seniors!". One of my classmates replied with "and senioritas!"
Followed by everyone's groans.
My cousin's girlfriend (CGF) is a primary school teacher and last night we were discussing her class size and the subjects she teaches.
Me: "How big are the classes you teach"
CGF: "ive got 28 in english and maths, 30 in science and 28 in topics"
Me: "What on earth is topics?"
CGF: "oh its stuff like history, R.S, Art, Geography and all that stuff"
Me (With the biggest grin on my face holding back laughter): "OH, THE HUMANITIES"
my girlfreind and CGF groan, me and cousin laugh and high five.
Sidenote. My couisn is one of the biggest dad jokers ive ever met, so he really apreciated the terrible joke.
So today my english teacher was going to test how much vocab we memorized, for the SAT exam if you're wondering, and he asked one student how many did he memorize. The guy answered saying about 300. The teacher replied what can you do with just 300, And then i couldn't hold it and replied "A movie"
Note: Quality Very Varying (I see what I did there) and sometimes subject to specialist knowledge. So I apologise in advance. Shame me with your better puns.
While I was languishing in the Language Centre, doing some semantics antics and considering how all the other linguistics students despised and derided me, I was accosted by a stout man with large glasses who made me a preposition. It was that I should collect terrible puns, to do with linguistics, in order to ingratiate myself yet further with the other linguistics students (including even the phonetics fanatics).
I'm struggling to think of a pun to do with grammaticality that both makes sense and "Is grandma tickly?" correct. I'm also stuck on 'morphologician'. (I'm not actually sure that's a particularly logical word for the subject, though I guess that's more for, er, more for a logician to worry about.)
The problem I have with writing about phonological variation is that one is constantly forced to choose between being fun or logical - very Asian!I always get in trouble with electricians, they think I'm calling them a 'dialectician' whereas in fact I'm just saying "Die, electrician."
I like pscycholinguistics – the only department of linguistics where it’s acceptable to wear a cycle helmet. My Australian accent is terrible but I like to think my Sath Efrican one is predicate. My favourite accent is Received Pronunciation, because it is the accent chiefly used by invisible Japanese people who are ordered online. When the first recipient of an invisible Japanese person got the parcel, they wrote a complaint saying "Received but can't see Asian" and the name stuck.
Why did the speakers whose native languages weren't English, but whose only shared language was English, but they weren't very good at it and kept on having to stop to think about it, stop talking to one another? They came to an agreement. (Get it? If not, write your answer on a pastecard and paste it to the below address.)
What did the 'a' say to the 'the'? "You definitely are ticklish, 'the'!"
Why was the small man eaten by the large bear, which was proportionately bigger than him? It had, er, relative claws.
I think the reason there are so many speakers of Russian is because they all partake in an activity called "copulae shun". (Ok, ok, I know, that was Pushkin it.)
I know a man called Hillary who can, might, should, did, must, shall and will ride an ox. We call him "Ox Hillary".
I always think the verb 'to be' in the senten
... keep reading on reddit ➡My 8th grade English teacher was a huge dad-joker, even though he was like 25 at the time (this was 3 years ago)
He was playing at his desk with a ton of rubber bands, making them taut then flicking them to hear their vibration. I asked him what he was doing. He replied, "Creating the first song to my new band, we call ourselves the Rubber Band."
Not the best, but I certainly groaned.
The day was raining like fish blown up by dynamite. The only jacket I had for the situation was fire Red with layered protection from such fish. I'm going to my college computer lab, trying to get my 24 hours of time in there done. It requires you to sign in with your student ID.
"May I see you card?" the teacher asks.
"Sure... So, how much time do I have allotted?" I asked after she signed me in.
"Huh? Oh, wait, sorry, can I see your card again? "
"Wait, I don't own a Cardigan"
Being an English teacher, she smiled and caught it quickly, "No, your card, but your jacket might suffice otherwise."
Edit: This might be too much setup for a stiff joke.
Two cats, One Two Three and Un Deux Trois have a race across the English Channel. Who won? One Two Three, because Un Deux Trois Quatre Cinq!
Told by my physics teacher, who is a dad himself.
Today in class someone asked my English teacher why he never turned the lights on in class. He jokingly responded "I never turn the lights on, note at home either, I always sit at home in the dark"
A few people chuckled, but then he responded seriously: "I never turn on the lights at school. At home I do though, however not on my bedroom. You see, when I stand like this (and then he faced towards the girl who asked him the question) I have a big window in my back." To which I quickly responded "What? A window in your back? I have mine in a wall."
Not a lot of people heard it, but one guy laughed out really loud, and a classmate just rolled his eyes and was like "dude.."
One day in high school my english teacher was out sick. Towards the end of the period, the sub thought hangman would be fun to play. Sub "after Emily is done, you can have free time" Me "looks like Emily had the last word"
Silence
Yesterday, the bell system was broken at school.
So my English teacher says, “Hey! Looks like they get the No-bell prize!”
There was silence in the classroom. The only noise to be heard was one boy in the back throwing his book to the ground.
She got a full sentence.
She got a full sentence.
He got the full sentence
