The Christmas Wife Puns

A list of puns related to "The Christmas Wife"

I got the wife a prosthetic leg for christmas

It wasn’t her main present, just a stocking filler

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👤︎ u/getyourmoneysworth
📅︎ Jan 10 2022
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My wife said i needed to stop my addiction to eating christmas leftovers right out of the fridge...

But i just can't quit cold turkey

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👤︎ u/Arrowreign
📅︎ Dec 28 2021
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The wife wanted an Apple Watch for Christmas

So today I’m taking her to look at an orchard of Granny Smith trees

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👤︎ u/HuangWaang
📅︎ Jan 16 2022
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Lazy Christmas morning, my wife is looking at the weather, says there will be periods of rain today.

I say, Damn! Do they make a pad for that? Without a pause, she says: Depends

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👤︎ u/flylink63
📅︎ Dec 25 2020
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My wife kicked me out of the house because I'm still singing Christmas songs.

I said, "But Baby, its cold outside."

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👤︎ u/porichoygupto
📅︎ Dec 30 2018
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My son was surprised when the present I got my wife for Christmas wasn't an instrument

...I told him I was giving her an upright organ

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👤︎ u/Rage_JD
📅︎ Dec 30 2019
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I bought a dog from the local blacksmith for my wife for Christmas...

When I got him through the door he made a bolt for it.

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👤︎ u/cwwspurs
📅︎ Dec 27 2019
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My wife and kids told me to stop singing Christmas songs. They said 'It's March, save it for the one day it is Christmas!'

I said 'Oh... I wish it could be Christmas everyday.'

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👤︎ u/Dongwaffler
📅︎ Mar 08 2020
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The older you get the more practical your Christmas gifts get. This year my wife and I got a vacuum.

This gift sucks.

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👤︎ u/ennsy
📅︎ Dec 29 2018
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What did Adam say to his wife the day before Christmas?

It's Christmas Eve

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👤︎ u/PeevesPoltergist
📅︎ Dec 25 2019
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Last year, my wife was so angry that I forgot to buy her a Christmas present, but that's not happening this time, because I bought her present two months ago! It's all wrapped up, sitting under the tree, waiting for her on Christmas Day!!

She's going to love these flowers!

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👤︎ u/madazzahatter
📅︎ Dec 22 2019
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Was talking to my wife about heading to the local fire hall for their charity Christmas tree drop-off and chipping...

Me: "Do you know if they are rejecting any trees at the firehall this year?"

Wife: "No...? I haven't heard anything"

Me: "I guess they still have an o-PINE door policy!"

Wife: "I hate you so much right now"

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👤︎ u/jjsidhu23
📅︎ Jan 07 2019
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My Wife told me about the Prague Philharmonic Orchestra, apparently they have good Christmas music

I told her I will Czech them out once December comes

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👤︎ u/Kellythejellyman
📅︎ Nov 09 2018
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My wife asked me what the weather forecast for Christmas was.

I told her, "It looks like reindeer."

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👤︎ u/dwoo888
📅︎ Dec 05 2017
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Wife knows I hate shopping, especially at Christmas. Dropped this gem on the way from the 3rd floor down to the 1st.

What's wrong, you okay?

Yeah, I'm fine. It's just this damned escalator. It's really letting me down.

Got the whole eye-roll along with the sigh & groan.

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👤︎ u/JeF4y
📅︎ Dec 19 2014
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My wife told me to stop eating Christmas leftovers out the fridge

But I just can’t quit cold turkey

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👤︎ u/alwaysthecold
📅︎ Dec 27 2020
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