The Carpet Puns

A list of puns related to "The Carpet"

My cat was just sick on the carpet,

I don’t think it’s feline well.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2021
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β€œCan you help me with the curtains? I need to make sure the carpet matches the drapes.”

And THAT is a sexual in-your-window!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FantasticWittyRetort
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
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Why was the carpet lying around?

It was feeling a bit ruggish

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FurriesRGay14
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
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The first five florists I called today knew absolutely nothing about laying carpet or tile.

And suddenly I’m the idiot....

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Arkham_Asylum27
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
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Napoleon was visiting a friend at his new estate. The friends great pride was his lavatory which was a big room with pottet plants, beautiful tapestries and carpets. When Napoleon saw this he was gobsmacked and exclaimed "What a loo!"
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πŸ‘€︎ u/operasmurf
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2020
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My tailor kept yanking my pant leg til it dragged across the carpet.

"Bro, would you cut me some slack?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jeromocles
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2020
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Why did the carpet have no friends?

People just walked all over him.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_good_one877
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2019
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My cat just got sick on the carpet

Guess he’s not feline so good.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bighamsandw1tch
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2019
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I caught my toddler peeing on the carpet

I politely asked him to piss off

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fab-_-
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2019
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What did the carpet say to the floor?

I've got you covered.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SentientPotato42
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
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I hear that the Arctic Monkeys recently sold a Carpet to the current Real Madrid manager.

I bet that it looks good on Zidane's floor.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stoatwobbler
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2019
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I'd tell you about my German Shepherd shedding in the carpet

But it's really just a doggy shag story.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrunkenTree
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2019
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What did the Mexican put under their carpet?

Underlay! Underlay!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/haymalb
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2019
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What is the carpet of choice for Eskimos?

Brrr Brrr.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pgtart
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2019
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What's the best seller at the Mexican carpet store?

UNDERLAY, UNDERLAY!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dacs1306
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2018
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What did the mexican carpet layer tell his boss they need more of?

Underlay underlay!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/harrygarth
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2018
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Guess what my dad just yelled at the dog for peeing on the carpet?

Urine trouble!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/theModestConArtist
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2017
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How does the Spanish carpet fitter get his workman to hurry up?

Underlay! Underlay!

Xpost: Jokes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mitchgebb
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2017
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I went to the home improvement store to compare prices on new carpet, wood, and tile.

The prices floored me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chaunceychaunce
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2017
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My mom rolled her eyes when I asked about the magic carpet on the house

Magic carpet

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πŸ‘€︎ u/twhite1195
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2016
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News just in: Two carpets have fallen off a lorry on the A38

Let's just hope there isn't a shag pileup.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Artoast
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2015
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Dad joked the Red carpet

While watching the pre-Oscars red carpet:

Girlfriend: "Kerry Washington's dress is really boring"

Me: "I guess you'd call that a...Scandal."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BobTheCod
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2014
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The first five florists I called today knew absolutely nothing about laying carpet or tile.

And suddenly I’m the idiot.....

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Arkham_Asylum27
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
🚨︎ report
My cat was just sick on the carpet.

I don't think she's feline well!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GibMonkey
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2020
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What did the carpet say to the floor

Hold it right there buddy I got you covered

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
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My cat threw up on the carpet

I don’t think he’s feline well

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πŸ‘€︎ u/alexanderlch
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2019
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My cat was sick on the carpet,

I don't think it's feline well

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jackojamison
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2018
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What did the Mexican carpet seller yell to all his customers??

Underlay! Underlay!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/I-think-Im-funny
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2018
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