What did the drummer call his twin daughters?
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︎ Feb 28 2022
What do you call a calculator that tells you the answer instantly?
A calcu-now.
(Courtesy of a 9 year old)
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︎ Feb 02 2022
I ran into the office this morning and switched the m and n keys on as many keyboards as I could. Some might call me a monster but
The rest are definitely goimg to call ne a nomster.
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︎ Dec 08 2021
What do the French call it when something sad happens on Thursday?
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︎ Jan 28 2022
What do you call a buttplug with a lightbulb in it if it was from the dollar store?
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︎ Feb 18 2022
What do you call someone who likes to add numbers when the weather is warm?
A summer
(I thought of this, hope it's original)
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︎ Jan 30 2022
What do you call a wizard who fell down the stairs?
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︎ Jan 29 2022
What do you call the wife of a hippie?
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︎ Mar 03 2022
If Jesus was real they wouldn't call it the crucifixion
They would call it crucifact.
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︎ Nov 14 2021
I like to imagine that the guy who invented the umbrella actually wanted to call it brella...
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︎ Jan 09 2022
An Irish dad calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says, βI hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing.β
βDad, what are you talking about?β the son screams.
βWe canβt stand the sight of each other any longer,β the father says. βWeβre sick of each other and Iβm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Leeds and tell her.β
The son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. βLike heck theyβre getting divorced!βshe shouts, βIβll take care of this!β
She calls Ireland immediately, and screams at her father, βYou are NOT getting divorced. Donβt do a single thing until I get there. Iβm calling my brother back, and weβll both be there tomorrow. Until then, donβt do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?β and hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. βSorted! Theyβre coming for Christmas β and theyβre paying their own way"
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︎ Nov 22 2021
What do you call the income from a horse?
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︎ Feb 28 2022
What do you call a piece of corn that joins the army?
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︎ Dec 12 2021
What do you call the trail to the insane asylum?
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︎ Mar 08 2022
What do they call it when the earth shakes in the Middle East?
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︎ Jan 22 2022
They call him The Waffler
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︎ Jan 24 2022
Did you hear about the man who couldn't stop blowing his "duck call" whistle?
He was addicted to quack.
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︎ Mar 03 2022
What do you call a seagull thatβs not allowed in the country ?
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︎ Mar 05 2022
What do you call a pig who spends all day digging in the dirt?
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︎ Mar 03 2022
What do you call a snobby prisoner falling down the stairs?
A condescending con descending.
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︎ Mar 04 2022
What do you call a cow that lives in the capital of Russia
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︎ Feb 21 2022
What do you call an abominable snowman that plays the guitar?
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︎ Mar 06 2022
What do you call a squirrel after the second car hits it?
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︎ Mar 03 2022
What do you call a quesadilla you eat in the morning
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︎ Feb 13 2022
[True story] My brother just found out his girlfriend is pregnant. I asked him if I could name the baby. If it's a girl, he should call her Denise.
If it's a boy, he should call him Danephew.
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︎ Mar 03 2022
What do you call the fish in charge of healthcare?
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︎ Jan 30 2022
What do you call someone who has powers and tricks people at the same time?
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︎ Mar 02 2022
What do you call the same shit every morning?
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︎ Mar 01 2022
Only 40% of Americans say their farts stink. What do you call the other 60 %?
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︎ Jan 24 2022
Why do we call the aliens creating the pyramids a conspiracy theory?
Itβs obviously a pyramid scheme
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︎ Feb 22 2022
What do you call a mathematician who spends all summer in the sun?
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︎ Feb 04 2022
There's a power cut and the electrician is dodging my questions over phone calls.
He is keeping me in the dark.
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︎ Feb 25 2022
What do you call a bunch of gay lions walking down the street?
A pride, of course. Why does it matter if they're gay?
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︎ Jan 08 2022
What do you call the space where a hobbit lives?
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︎ Jan 02 2022
Why did they call it the dark ages?
Because of all the knights
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︎ Feb 02 2022
I said to my wife, "I need to call the doctor today." Concerned, she asked, "Which doctor?"
I chuckled, "No, the regular kind!"
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︎ Dec 07 2021
What do you call a farmer who takes seeds out of the ground instead of putting them in?
Ex-seedingly bad at his job.
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︎ Feb 18 2022
What do you call a python that blocks the door to a Milk Tea shop?
A boba constrictor.
(one of the few that I've come up with on my own..got groans out of the family!)
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︎ Feb 08 2022
What do you call the space between a super models boobs?
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︎ Dec 12 2021
What do you call a milkman in the Wild West?
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︎ Mar 02 2022
What do you call the knife carried by your girlfriend?
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︎ Feb 28 2022
What do you call the Greek God of regret?
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︎ Jan 08 2022
Did you hear about the new Greek restaurant? Do you know what they call it?
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︎ Mar 03 2022
What do you call the guy that travels from city to city with musicians?
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︎ Feb 15 2022
What do you call a dog who's a hit at the local pub?
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︎ Mar 05 2022
What do you call it when your wallets been put through the wash?
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︎ Mar 02 2022
What do you call a single tear on your face the day of your wedding?
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︎ Dec 04 2021
What did the drummer call his twin daughters?
βAnna one, Anna two!β
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︎ Mar 04 2022
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