Have you heard the rumour about butter?
Never mind, I probably shouldn't spread it.
Dad jokes in the wild: I was shopping at a grocery store and a young kid was restocking bricks of butter, and he dropped a couple right in front of me…
I said “woah, Butter fingers!”
I was pushing my daughter in a stroller and The young girl he was working with snorted and said “at least you’re a dad, you’re allowed to make bad jokes”
Proud moment.
I usually shave every day. But after letting go for a few weeks... I don't know, the beard is growing on me.
Did you hear about the peanut butter and jelly sandwich convention?
It was a super spreader event.
I hate when I drop butter on the floor.
It always lands butter side down.
Since a pound cake uses a pound of each ingredient (butter, sugar, eggs, and flour), if you reduce the ratio to a cup of each ingredient, would you be making a cup cake?
Have you heard the gossip about the butter.
I would tell you but I don't want to spread it.
My dad's just lost his job at the hospital, shaving patients in preparation for spinal surgery.
Apparently, it's due to all the cut backs.
What's it called when there's no peanut butter in the middle?
I was in a grocery store when a man started to throw cheese,butter and yoghurt at me.
What did the peanut butter say to the jam?
That was a clothes shave...
For this Holiday season, I'm giving peanut butter jars as presents. when the recipient opens the box, I say
I thought you said you were gonna shave your mustache?
I know and I was but it's growing on me...
How do NASA scientists get such a close shave?
Simple, they use the Stubble Telescope
I always bring a loaf of bread and a jar of peanut butter with me when I go on a road trip.
I want to be prepared incase there's a traffic Jam.
If a gang of clowns is coming for you and all you have is a butter knife,
you need to go for the juggler.
Have you heard about Tesla’s newest eco-friendly car concept? It runs on peanut butter.
There are still a few bugs to work out. It keeps sticking to the roof of the garage.
What do you call a man who shaves 20 times a day?
What do you get when you shave Don Henley’s head?
A nervous teenage stick of butter approached his parents because he felt very clarified lately.
He sat his parents down and muttered: "mom, dad, I'm ghee".
What do you say about the butter on a winning streak?
Dad joke on my wife. I showed her a stick of butter.
I showed her a stick of butter. I asked her if it was butter. She said that it was. I asked her if she was sure. She took it from my hand and started looking closer at it. She studied the label. Then handed it back saying that it was in fact butter. I said, "Good! I am just clarifying it."
What do you call a bottle of ketchup waiting to get it's beard shaved?
I'm 40 and have never had any facial hair. Decided a couple weeks ago to grow a goatee. My wife keeps asking me to shave cuz she doesn't like it
But it's growing on me.
- I know some iteration of this joke is posted all the time on here but it's actually true for me and made me chuckle this morning
What does the butter become when you throw it in the air?
You hear the latest rumor about butter?
I'd tell you, but I don't want to spread it.
(I had a joke about pizza, but it was too cheesy.)
What happens when butter and oil get along?
I threw a stick of butter out the window in front of my family.
I said, "look at that butterfly!"
An explosion happened at the butter factory.
It's Churnobyl all over again.
One direction fans don't like a fully shaved head.
why did a man throw butter and a clock out the window
They say the ancient Greeks would shave their heads before the Olympics to run faster.
Modern historians call it balderdash.
My wife insisted on pouring flour into the melted butter.
I told her she would roux the day.
Did you hear the rumour about butter?
Never mind, I'm not going to spread it.
Did you hear the rumor about butter?
Well, I'm not going to spread it!
What do you call a man that shaves ten times a day?
Have you heard the gossip about the butter ?
Actually no, I shouldn't spread it.
Did you hear the rumor about butter?
Well, I'm not going to spread it!
Did you hear the rumors about butter?
Well I’m not going to spread it
Have you heard that rumour about butter?
Never mind, I shouldn’t spread it.
Did you hear the rumour about butter?
Well I'm not spreading it
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