.....never invented anything else.
He said "Sorry man. The steaks are too high."
The steaks are high.
...and quickly lost everything.
It was all four naughts.
The cannibal replied "I can't, the steaks are too high"
Ninja replies, “Shuriken”.
He's a FaceBookie.
Luckily he arrived at the last second and named him Justin Time
Man did I eat my words
The law maker was outlawed.
Should have seen her face when I drove pasta
he is very concerned about not losing Tibet.
I said, “it’ll be 0-0.”
They just go for a wok.
One man pulled an old guitar off the wall that hadn’t been tuned in years and gave it to the octopus.
The octopus took the guitar, tuned it right up and began play.
There was no doubt that the octopus was an excellent guitar player.
The man paid his handler $50 and sat down.
Another man brought a saxophone to the octopus.
The octopus took it and stared for a bit.
After a minute or two the octopus began playing a deep and soulful jazz solo.
This man paid his $50 and sat down.
The bartender went into the back and brought out a set of bag pipes.
The bartender said, “I’ll bet $100 that the octopus can’t play these bagpipes.”
The man agreed and handed them to the octopus.
The octopus sat there eyeing the bagpipes up and down for quite awhile.
The handler began to get nervous so he said to the octopus, “Hurry up and start playing the thing”
The octopus spewed, “Play it?! I wanna marry her!"
It's a shore-fire thing.
You have the biggest penis out of all your friends
I suffered the agony of defeat.
Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday dear...
Edit: Wow. Wasn't expecting over 1,000 upvotes on my first ever post. Thanks!
A4tune.
I lost 10 pounds
Pretty rocky at times. Though I am sure if they can stay grounded they won't get buried by it all.
He tells the bartender that he will bet $500 bucks that he can pee into 5 shot glasses that are 3 feet apart without getting a drop of pee on the floor. The bartender takes the bet quite confidently, thinking that there is no way the man can possibly do that.
They set up everything, the man has a couple of drinks and gets ready to go. As he starts peeing, he misses every single shot glass, barely getting any pee in any of the glasses. The bartender is laughing hilariously at the man's failure. "This is the easiest $500 bucks I'll ever make" he thinks to himself.
After the man finishes, the bartender, still laughing, ask the man, "why on Earth would you make that bet?!?" The man looks across the street and says "I bet the bartender across the street $2000 that I could make you laugh by pissing all over your floor."
Edit: wording
0-0.
Watching march madness reminded me of this gem from the old man.
Just so you know, he’s Carlos.
I stared dead at them, pointed, and said "This means War!"
The shovel was truly groundbreaking!
None of them wanted any scrubs, so rinsing was all they could manage.
After all, they're sub-optimal.
He told me the steaks were too high.
He refused, because the steaks were too high.
He told me the steaks were too high.
I told them that I couldn't take the bet, the steaks were too high.
He replied, "No way man, the steaks are too high!"
