Is it safe to say the people employed near Big Ben in London are....

....working around the clock?

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
🚨︎ report
The work on Big Ben is meant to take 3 years.

That's a long time considering they're working around the clock.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrfantastic123r
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
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The project to restore Big Ben was a bit behind schedule, so the construction company put on a third shift...

Men are now working around the clock.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear that they are going to change the Uncle Ben’s logo?

It’s because everyone thought it was ricest.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/8910ben
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2020
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I heard that Marvel is now sponsoring Uncle Ben's rice and changing the picture to Peter Parker's uncle.

The new slogan is "With great power comes great rice possibilities."

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jurassicbond
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2020
🚨︎ report
The designer of Big Ben finally released a book on his accomplishments.

It's about time.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yeaaawright
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2020
🚨︎ report
My fiancΓ©e called me last night and said she was on the sofa with Ben & Jerry.

Sounded like she enjoyed her mΓ©nage Γ  froid.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jocktx
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2019
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The KO we've all Ben Askren for.
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/prlmn
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2019
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Bill and Ben were in the bath...

Bill said: "flobalobalob"

so Ben said: "you dirty b*stard, that stinks"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EliotBee
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2019
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I heard that Ben bishop isn’t so good in the net

I guess he can only move diagonally

(Courtesy of my dad while watching the Dallas Stars game)

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Primusmulti
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2019
🚨︎ report
TIL A Ben and Jerry's employee fell into the chocolate coating vat last year

The company held a press conference to announce he's been completely covered.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fileobrother
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2018
🚨︎ report
The suicidal traveller tried to hang himself from the Big Ben, the Eiffel Tower, The leaning tower of Pisa. The police caught him took away his rope and sent him out of the continent. All he was heard saying is..

I miss you rope.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/v_cleaner
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2015
🚨︎ report
Why don't the Leaning Tower of Pisa and Big Ben ever visit each other?

One lacks the time and the other lacks the inclination.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mvia4
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2016
🚨︎ report
Old guy at the barbershop: "Is that Ben-Hur playing on the the TV?"

"Yep."

"What ever hastened to Ben-Him?"

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/funk_your_face
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2014
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Why was Ben 10 considered so powerful?

Because the previous kid was Ben Nine in comparison.

πŸ‘︎ 146
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ign1fy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2019
🚨︎ report
The issue with duck eggs.

Two farmers, Ben and Dave, are discussing their produce. Ben mentions that there has been a strange recent demand in duck eggs, and is going to begin producing them. Dave replies that he tried to produce them long ago, but had to stop due to issues with their delivery.

"What issues?" Asks Ben, with a confused expression on his face.

"They caused way too much mess in the delivery truck," Dave explains, "You'll find out soon enough, duck eggs quack really easily."

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rapidToothbrush
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Remembered this from when I was younger

Was on a family vacation to the beach and my sister, mom, dad and I were all in a local Ben and Jerry's getting some ice cream. Well the guy in front of us definitely had the Donald Trump hair going on and we all noticed. Out of nowhere, my dad turns around with a straight face and says,

"I'll pay for the ice cream this time, but you toupee next time."

I couldn't help but laugh and my mother had to walk out of the parlor. These comments are the reason why my father is my best friend

πŸ‘︎ 165
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2016
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My friend asked me β€œhowya been?” and I answered..

I ben’ at the arms, I ben’ at the legs.. I ben’ good!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/derwiki
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2018
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Conversation with my gf. She didnt appreciate it, thought you guys might.

Her: I needed to move to our new team's area and the seat next to Ben was the only seat open. I didn't want to ask Richard to move, cause that's weird

Me: Yea that would be a dick move

πŸ‘︎ 170
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Toms0verBaghdad
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2016
🚨︎ report
Dessert Puns

I saw a white, fluffy thing swinging through my local cake shop. Suspect it was a meringue-utang.


I was out driving the other day and I spotted two packets of cheese & onion crisps walking down the road. I said, β€œDo you want a lift”. β€œNo thanks”, they replied, β€œWe’re Walkers”.


I was in a cake shop the other day, they were all Β£5 apart from one that was Β£10. I asked why it was so expensive, the shop owner said β€œthat’s maderia cake”.


Bought some cream, it said β€œstore in a cool place”. So I left it in the Doctor Who studios.


Local ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.


I used to love doughnuts, but I got bored of the whole thing.


A man says β€œI keep finding custard in one ear, and jelly in the other”. The doctor says β€œI’m afraid you are a trifle deaf”.


I bought a waffle iron the other day. Get really annoyed with wrinkled waffles.


How do you make an apple puff? Chase it around the garden


What do they call a man who abandoned his diet? DESSERTER.


Ice cream is exquisite… –what a pity it isn’t illegal.


The optimist sees the doughnut, the pessimist sees the hole, and the realist sees the calories.


Why did Eve bite the forbidden apple? Because it tasted better than Adam’s banana.


Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.


Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? Because it’s too hard to put them on the bottom!


When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? When it’s been sliced.


What did the cake say to the fork? you want a piece of me?


Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? Because it was marble cake!


What happens when no one comes to your birthday party? You can have your cake and eat it too.


What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!


A birthday greeting: For someone special as you, only ANGELFOOD would do. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!


Did you hear there are two suspects in Two Ton Charley’s death? BEN and JERRY.


Don’t eat too much fudge, or else you will have so much pudge you won’t be able to budge.


You know you’re a mom if… Popsicles have become a staple food.


Mexican candy makes my taste buds say β€œOLE!”


FORGET LOVE… I’

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2017
🚨︎ report
My Dad's "book titles"...

I have so, so many...

"The Road Is Shut" by Elaine Closed. "I'm Outta Gas" by Phil McCarup "How To Tie Shoelaces" by Ben Doon "A Cliff Edge" by Eileen Dover "A Book Of Churches" by Cath Headrall "I've Eaten Too Much!" by Buster Gutt "A Book On Soft Cheeses" by Phil Adelphia

And finally, "A Book On Domestic Pets" by Rabi Tuch... (...Rabituch...) (Rabbit hutch)

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/amysplat
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2013
🚨︎ report
Pass me the ugly.

We are from Quebec so we speak french.

It's lunchtime and someone at the table is getting thirsty. (Keep in mind that ''laid'' and ''lait'' are pronounced the same way in french)

''Peux tu me passer le lait, papa? (Can you pass over the milk, dad?)'' My sister says.

''Ben, le laid est just lΓ ! (Well, the ugly is right there!)'' My dad says while pointing at me.

He then proceeds to laugh, extremely proud of his joke. Oh dad..

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Twitos
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2015
🚨︎ report
My dad just got me with this one...

He was sealing some small package for something I presume he's sold on eBay and he held it up with the address facing me.

Dad: You know who this is?

Me: (Reads the name Ben Ling, looking confused) No.

Dad: You know his brother.

Me: What?

Dad: His brother Ray, the Chinese fence.

Nice one, dad...

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LGDD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2014
🚨︎ report
My toddler is really into The Sound of Music, so he and my husband have been humming "Edelweiss" all day.

Now they are in the kitchen making dinner. My husband pulls a box of Uncle Ben's out of the pantry and then grabs a soup ladle off the counter and is now dancing around singing,

laaadle riiiiiiice ladle rice

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SuurAlaOrolo
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2016
🚨︎ report
Killed it at dinner last night with this one.

*After somewhat making a fool of myself while out for dinner"

> My mum: "There's so many ways you can take the piss outta Ben."

> Me: "Yeah, like with a Catheter."

Giggles and groans ensue.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xxihostile
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2015
🚨︎ report
Discussing spinal disorders at breakfast...

Kid: "What's that disease called, the one that makes your spine all curved?"

Mom: "That's Scoliosis. It can also mess up your ribcage and shoulders."

Me: "The people who discovered Scoliosis actually had it themselves. It was a husband and wife team. I think their last name was Dover...

Kids: staring intensifies

Me: "... Ben Dover, and his wife Ilene Dover."

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Technohazard
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2015
🚨︎ report
I have never been more proud of my dad

My father does not frequently make dad jokes, but today he surprised me. For thanksgiving many family members are all in the same house. I was lying in bed and so he and my brother came to get me up. My brother says "you should probably get up. Mom is up, jon is up, ben is up..." and my dad turns to me and says "Even tom is up." It takes me a minute but I realize that he has his thumb up and that through his slight accent the line between thumb and tom is fine. In a language that is not his first, my dad has finally made a dad joke. I am a proud son.

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/J_Asti
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2013
🚨︎ report
Joke de père

Im french-canadian. ^^"Hi ^^french-canadian, ^^im ^^dad" ^^done!

Im made an awesome dadjoke earlier but it is french. Im still gonna tell you, cause its awesome, but don't worrie, I'll explain it over and over and laugh doing it, because, after all, im a dad and the same rules apply, whatever the language.

So, the mother was distributing cookies after the meal. One for the daughter, one for me and 2 for her. Doing it, she said "le deuxième, c'est mon pourboire" (the second is my tip) in french, tip is pourboire, but, if you separate the word like so "pour boire" it means "for drinking". So, I said to her "pour boire? Les biscuits, c'est pour manger!" (for drinking? Cookies are for eating)

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHAHA. FUCK ME, ITS HILARIOUS.

See, its a classic dadjoke in french and I still got her good! "Pour boire? Ben non, c'est pour manger" hahahahah. Cause you don't drink cookie, you eat it. Hahaha. So great. Eyes were rolling all over the place, I almost step on one. HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

You got it, right? She said, "the second cookie is my tip" (le deuxième biscuit est mon pourboire) and I reply "tip? Cookies are for eating!" (Pour boire? Les biscuits, c'est pour manger) HAAHAHAHAHAHAHA. MAN, its funny as hell!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brunovitch
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2015
🚨︎ report
Step-dad joked just now

Whole fam sitting at the table playing Pictureka having a blast. My mom gets a card where she needs to find a jungle animal and points out a rhino.

Me: Mom, rhinos don't live in the jungle, they live in plains.

Step-dad: Ben, they're too heavy to live in a plane.

My laughs ensued.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/benso411
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2014
🚨︎ report
A man proposes to his girlfriend.

A friend posted this on facebook:

True story;

When my dad was at the top of Ben Nevis, there was a guy there with his girlfriend. He got down on one knee and proposed to her right in front of everyone, (the young lad, not my dad!)

After she'd said yes and people were shaking his hand and congratulating them. My dad went up to them and said; "Well, you know what they say now, don't ye's?"

"What's that?"

"It's all downhill fae here." And walked off.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/scottwalker88
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2014
🚨︎ report
What did the Big Ben say to the Leaning Tower of Pisa?...

"If you have the inclination, I have the time."

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DullMind
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2014
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 75
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Josvys
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report

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