Really big hands.
True story. Happen about 2 hrs ago.
Back trying. My wife and I both work in the medical field. She runs hospital employee health dept, and I’m the dental director for a public health agency.
My wife had Covid-19 in January. We were talking about the long term, later effects of Covid on people’s health.
Wife: I wonder what the residual effects of Covid-19 are. My left ear hasn’t been right since I had Covid.
Me: Well of course not.
Wife: Why? What have you heard?
Me: Well your left ear can’t feel right. It’s your left ear.
Wife: God, why did I marry you 33 years ago?
The work of Steven Wright, he's the famous Erudite (comic) scientist who once said: "I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates."
1 - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
2 - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.
3 - Half the people you know are below average.
4 - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
6 - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
7 - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
8 - If you want the rainbow, you have got to put up with the rain.
9 - All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.
10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
11 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend, ...... But she left me before we met.
12 - OK, so what's the speed of dark?
13 - How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
14 - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
15 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
16 - When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
17 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
18 - Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.
19 - I intend to live forever... So far, so good.
21 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
22 - What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
23 - My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
24 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name.
25 - If at first, you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
26 - A conclusion is a place where you got tired of thinking.
27 - Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
28 - The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
29 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
30 - The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
31 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
32 - The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
33 - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.
34 - If at first, you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
35 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?
Hello guys anyone can help me to get puns with the name "Lars" thanks <33
His jeans were still tight. We were at lunch and he said, "you know what these jeans and a small hotel have in common? No ball room." I'm 33 with my first son on the way and my dad can still get me.
Daughter: No, Cage is the guy who composed 4'33".
Me: I don't think I've heard that one.
Shellular phones. HaHa!
Word for word the joke my friends dad posted to his facebook. My friend is 33. lol
Driving with my mom and dad in the car while my mom is trying to read me directions. As we approach HWY 33 she asks "What comes after 33?" To which my dad replies in less than a second, "34."
Thanks for the help dad….
Mom - "The movie should be over by 1:30-2."
Dad - "What about 1:31 or 1:33?"
