Every where he drove it, people shouted "Look at that S-Car go!"
I'm not sure where else to post this but I hope this is the right place.
A close girl friend of mine is a fine artist that specializes in greeting cards with funny/cute puns/lines on the front and since I am moving away in December I wanted to create a Christmas or Thank You card one for her. Some examples are Bonne Fett (with a picture of Boba Fett holding balloons, and You R2 Cute (with a picture of R2D2 and a heart). Essentially she does a lot of cultural references that can be put onto a greeting card.
The two things she loves in this world are Egg McMuffins and Chinese Coconut buns. Could I get some help coming up with a Christmas/Thank you Puns using one of those ideas I can put on a card?
Thanks so much!
How to join the stage: raise your hand and I'll call on you when it's your turn
The event has ended, thank you to everyone who participated!
Thanks for nothing.
Covid is spiking in my area again worse than ever and everyone is so burned out and frustrated.
Everyday, I jump on this sub, find a joke and put it in our unit instant messenger for a pick-me-up that makes everyone smile.
No joke, just a thank you.
To clarify, he is a soccer player Don't worry, he's still alive and kicking
Edit: I just wanted to thank everyone for the awards, and the upvotes
Sorry if anyone found this offensive ⚽️
Waiter: “No problem, sir. Today is special.”
Edit: [op] Wow, thanks for the votes & awards!
Go post NSFW jokes somewhere else. If I can't tell my kids this joke, then it is not a DAD JOKE.
If you feel it's appropriate to share NSFW jokes with your kids, that's on you. But a real, true dad joke should work for anyone's kid.
Mods... If you exist... Please, stop this madness. Rule #6 should simply not allow NSFW or (wtf) NSFL tags. Also, remember that MINORS browse this subreddit too? Why put that in rule #6, then allow NSFW???
Please consider changing rule #6. I love this sub, but the recent influx of NSFW tagged posts that get all the upvotes, just seem wrong when there are good solid DAD jokes being overlooked because of them.
Thank you,
A Dad.
She had issues.
Edit: thanks anonymous stranger for my first ever award.
“No thanks, I’m stuffed!"
What goes after USA?
USB.
Edit: Thanks for the awards and the upvotes! My daughter is going to love this.
I heard parents named their children lance a lot.
First post please don't kill me
Edit: i went to sleep and now my inbox is dead, thank you kind strangers for the awards!
Keep in mind, my son is 4 years old, so everything is an original to him.
I had to work late into the evening yesterday, and he was just going to bed when I got home. I had left home for the office nearly 14 hours prior, had a long day, lots of meetings, traffic, etc.
When I walked through the door, I was exhausted, run down, and starving. My wife hugged me and asked how my day was, and I replied, "Done. It was a good day, but has got me exhausted. I just want to grab a bite and go to bed. I'm hungry."
From my son's bedroom, I hear him shout, "Hi Hungry! Nice to meet you!"
Not only did it make me laugh, but I completely forgot about how hungry and tired I was. I went to his bedroom, and we laughed together about it. It was exactly what I needed.
Edit: Thanks for all the awards, kind strangers! I'll let my son know y'all enjoyed his joke too!
A buck-an-ear!
I Thank ye kind Matey for the booty! I be truly overwhelmed! Thank you!
Holy cow! Thank you everyone for the upvotes and awards! I wasn’t expecting this!
When a man sits down next to her and whispers in her ear "may I say a word?"
Of course she replies.
The man stands up, clears his throat and says "plethora" and sits back down.
The grieving widow leans towards him and says, "thanks, that means a lot."
Transparent
(sorry it sucks, it's like 2:30 in the morning right now and I haven't slept)
(Edit: holy shit! I wasn't expecting this to get so many upvotes. Also thanks for the awards guys, I really appreciate it!)
Cause he didn't habanero
Edit: Thank you for the award anonymous donor
I will no longer be accepting people’s 2 cents.
Thank you 😊
Secretly (when my wife was out), I'd ask her "who do you love more?", and praise her when she said "dadda!". This has been going on for weeks now.
The other day, my wife got home and I wanted to show her my little 'trick'. So I asked our daughter, "Who do you love more?", in which case she replied "dadda!" and ran towards my wife (which is very clearly her favourite btw).
My wife, who didn't care much for the new thing I taught our daughter, bent down and picked her up to cuddle with her. Her facial expression changed a bit, then she laughed. She looked at me and said "well, she ran to me as she said that, and her diaper is full... so clearly she was full of crap when she said that!"
My wife is now in on the dad jokes and won this one!
Edit: Bolded the text to emphasize what part of this story was the dad joke...
Final Edit: My wife was surprised at how much this blew up! She says thanks to everyone, but she has no idea what the awards are for (since she doesn’t use Reddit). 😂
Starting a land clearing company and would like to come up with a play on words for it.
Problem is no one seems to have any name ideas
Was hoping I could get some interest in this and the name we choose will be given 500 for the work.
Thank you in advance
The funeral director was asking us what we think Mum should wear in her casket.
Mum always loved to wear sarongs (fabric wraps that go around the torso and drape downward a bit like a long skirt would), so my uncle suggested that she wear a sarong in there.
The funeral director looked a bit confused, as did some of our family members, to which my uncle added:
"What's sarong with that?"
I started laughing like an idiot. He was proud of it too. The funeral director was rather shocked. We assured her, and our more proper relatives, that Mum would've absolutely loved the joke (which is very true).
His delivery was perfect. I'll never forget the risk he took. We sometimes recall the moment as a way help cushion the blows of the grieving process.
--Edit-- I appreciate the condolences. I'm doing well and the worst is behind me and my family. But thanks :)
--Edit-- Massive thanks for all the awards and kind words. And the puns! Love 'em.
Because he doesn't have an iron, man.
I'll let myself out, thank you
I used to be a crustaceologist that specialised in lobsters. I loved what I did, but I couldn't even get out of the house on my own after the accident, much less go to work. I fell into a deep depression.
My scientist friends wanted to cheer me up, and so they engineered a robot lobster that I could take care of. It was incredibly smart and slowly became my best friend. It was incredibly friendly and playful. It made every day a little bit brighter. I loved it like my own child. I named it Amy, after my beloved daughter that had moved away. For the first time since my disability, I started to feel truly happy. Motivated, I decided to go for brain surgery and finally get past the entire incident. It was risky, but I made it through. Life is better than its ever been now, and I owe it all to that one robot that changed it all.
Everything is so much better now, all thanks to my Lob-bot amy
Because 10+10 is twenty and 11+11 is twenty too..
Edit: thank you for awards, I have never gotten one before. I apologize that this is a repost, I did see it on TikTok and thought that it was cute and wanted to share. In the future I will check the sub for similar content before I post anything.
I know he means well.
Edit: Wow. Thanks for the awards, kind Reddit strangers!
Dad: Well your mom loves Easter and Teresa is an anagram of Easter.
Son: Thanks dad.
Dad: You’re welcome Alan.
It was Layheehoo
Edit: thank you sooo much for so many awards. Made my day.
“thank you for your cervix.”
I said no thanks I’ll keep it in the carton
Hey! If possible could you guys help me out? My sibling is moving away and I'm trying to make a goodbye card, but I cant think of any good whale puns
Would it be possible for you guys to provide some? Thanks in advance!
Because he wanted space
Edit: Thank you for the awards.
Guys,
Some word play for inviting guests to our new nest/house please?
Its by a lake and my house warming party/puja is themed roses.
Thanks . You guys the best
Thank you! I'll never part with it
The Valet says, “Good evening Sir, we’ll take it from here.” To which the man replies, “No thanks, I’ll do it on my own Accord.”
So I had to try the cardigan
Edit: thank you anonymous donor
Me: 30°, 60°. Her: Thanks for the complements.
He wanted a hare cut.
Edit: thank you for the award! 🐰
Because adding just one more would make it too farty. Straight from my 7 year old daughter.
Edit: Thank you so much for the awards and upvotes. I showed my daughter how many people saw and appreciated her humor and she's extatic. I know she probably didn't come up with the joke herself but this was one of the first times she really got me with a good one and I thought I'd share it with some fellow dads and others.
I asked him if he would like a drink.....He said No thanks, I've got one 'ear
Thanks, I’m flattened
I’m fe-line much better now, thanks!
After the check up the doctor says : I have two bad news for you -Start with the worse , the man says
- you have cancer
- and the second one ?
- you have Alzheimer's
- thank God I dont have cancer
I said "Thanks." He said "Don't mention it."
