I failed my biology test. I mislabeled every body part but one.

At least my heart was in the right place.

πŸ‘︎ 169
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LudwigVonPhoenix
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you say to warn your family you're about to test a new dad joke on them?

Try this on for sighs.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/llort_tsoper
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2021
🚨︎ report
I passed my forklift test today. I did very well.

My carer says I should be able to try the spoon tomorrow.

πŸ‘︎ 61
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlexandrosGreco_
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2021
🚨︎ report
I’ve developed a new AI

I’ve developed a new AI and taught it to identify any porno ever made just from the cum shot

I’ve called it facial recognition

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tony-2112
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2021
🚨︎ report
Ah yes, pretty hip
πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/entertainer011
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2021
🚨︎ report
A policeman was interrogating 3 guys who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first guys a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The first guy answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"

The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is his side profile."

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second guy and asks him, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The second guy smiles, flips his hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"

The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?!!? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"

Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third guy and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?

He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer."

The third guy looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "The suspect wears contact lenses."

The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.

"Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."

He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file on his computer and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.

"Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does, in fact, wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"

"That's easy..." the third guy replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2021
🚨︎ report
My doctor friend is addicted to hitting his patients on the knees to test their reflexes.

He really gets a kick out of it.

πŸ‘︎ 183
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2021
🚨︎ report
Was watching Arrested Development the other day and my girlfriend made a groaner of a dad joke.

Lucille: β€œI have to get Dusty ice cream.” GF: β€œDusty ice cream doesn’t sound very good”

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hoff323
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2021
🚨︎ report
What is another name for a paternity test?

A pop quiz!

(I don’t know why this makes me giggle)

πŸ‘︎ 53
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2021
🚨︎ report
My dad used to hit me with cameras

I still have flashbacks

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sohayel_nafi
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2021
🚨︎ report
I went in for a Covid test and my doctor asked if I had a sudden loss of taste

"No, I always dress like this", I replied.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
🚨︎ report
I said to my grammar teacher, "My dad is worried about my test scores." She said "He was stressed."

You know, cos Pa's tense.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LateralAxes
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2021
🚨︎ report
Why did Dwayne Johnson’s family get tested for covid?

They couldn’t smell what the rock was cooking

πŸ‘︎ 84
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OwenJthomas89
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2021
🚨︎ report
I'm developing a new fragrance for introverts

I'm going to call it leave me the fuh cologne

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/noodlesvonsoup
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2021
🚨︎ report
I went to astronaut school but flunked the zero-gravitas test.
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CatsCreepMeowt
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2021
🚨︎ report
Petco has a new Covid vaccine for animals & humans. In tests, some people have reported excessive hair growth on their hands. I'm going to get it anyway...

but it does give me paws.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OK_Compooper
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2021
🚨︎ report
The KY Derby winner tested positive for PEDs…

I blame the horse. He could have said neigh.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thecanofcreamcorn
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2021
🚨︎ report
I tried googling tips to stop procrastinating but I ended up reading about photography

Turns out I can’t focus!

πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2021
🚨︎ report
I had a nerve conduction test

They send electricity through your nerves to see the response time. I was shocked to find out I have carpel tunnel syndrome.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DadSavage42
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2021
🚨︎ report
Anakin was a bad student. Never paid attention in class, never took any tests seriously. All his teachers were angry with him. Teacher Obi-Wan was specially worried when he had to say,

"I have failed you, Anakin. I have failed you."

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Esmeralda_i
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2021
🚨︎ report
I took a test on trees.

A lot of the questions I was stumped on.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ConfidentDuck1
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call an erectile dysfunction test?

A stimulus check.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a magician who loses his magic?

Ian

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MacSteele13
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2021
🚨︎ report
I'm testing how long until my gum runs out of flavor,

so it's an ex-spearmint.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bigbuzz55
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2021
🚨︎ report
What's the best thing about being a test tube baby?

You get a womb with a view.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/johno_mendo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2021
🚨︎ report
Is the urethra similar to testes?

No, there is a vas deferens between them.

πŸ‘︎ 90
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Es_presso
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2021
🚨︎ report
My teacher likes to start every day by reading a joke from Reddit. She was sick the other day, so

A subreddit.

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Such-Fig-3879
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2021
🚨︎ report
Anyone interested in buying my Delorean? Great condition, low mileage...

Only driven from time to time.

πŸ‘︎ 420
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πŸ‘€︎ u/justshtmypnts
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2021
🚨︎ report
How did Vader feel before he took his jedi test?

He was panakin

πŸ‘︎ 84
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stefantigro
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2021
🚨︎ report
My blood test result said my blood type was type A

But it was a typo.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2021
🚨︎ report
A doctor is reviewing test results with his patient...

Doctor: I'm afraid you've tested positive for herpes.

Patient: I knew that one of these days I'd end up with a fungal infection.

Doctor: Actually, it's viral.

Patient: Yeah, but I got it from a fun gal.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zamundan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2021
🚨︎ report
Not to brag, bit I aced the recent drug test at work today

Nobody got higher than me.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/humoursly_weird
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2021
🚨︎ report
Ever wonder the gender of an ant? Do the water test.

If it sinks it’s a girl ant. If it floats however...

πŸ‘︎ 43
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
🚨︎ report
I just saw a car being driven by a sheep in a swimsuit!

It was a lambikini

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Blood_Quake
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call someone who can't stop watching films with strong female leads?

A heroine addict

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/snakesinfur
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2021
🚨︎ report
Scientists have developed a microscopic needle that is too small to be seen by the naked eye...

I just don't see the point.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GrannyLow
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
🚨︎ report
Why did Einstein develop a theory about space?

It was about time.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kdlaz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2021
🚨︎ report
Bought a home pregnancy test.

Turns out, my house is pregnant.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2021
🚨︎ report
I got a letter from my doctor with my test results

Turns out I'm dyslexic and lacrosse intolerant

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2021
🚨︎ report
An 18 yr old died during a driving test.

They passed anyway

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IsraelTheGreat52
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2021
🚨︎ report
Why did Dwayne β€˜The Rock’ Johnson’s family get tested for COVID-19

They couldn’t smell what the rock was cooking.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/potato_fish12
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2021
🚨︎ report
Anyone out there interested in buying my DeLorean ? Great condition, low mileage..

.. really only driven from time to time.

πŸ‘︎ 707
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2021
🚨︎ report
I aced my drug test yesterday at work.

Nobody got higher than me.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2021
🚨︎ report
I think I aced the drug test at work today.

Nobody got higher than me.

πŸ‘︎ 61
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2021
🚨︎ report
I just saw a car being driven by a sheep in a swimsuit...

It was a lamb bikini

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/_methematician
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
🚨︎ report

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