I've an uncle who works for the symphonie part-time.

He's a semi-conductor.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
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My son wrote s symphony about not caring if your car's tire has no air...

It's written in the key of B flat.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
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I was asked to play the triangle in our local symphony orchestra! But I quit because . . .

It was just one ting after another.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/urkdor73
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
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I spelled out the first part of a symphony using only AEIOU

I call it the vowel movement.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JonnySwo
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
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Why did the nurse get second chair in the symphony?

Because they were a Band-Aid

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anakin_I_am_on_PC
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
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Did you know that, while alive, Mozart composed symphonies in almost every major key?

Sadly, in death, he was relegated only to D-composition.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hsdad
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
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My hippy son asked for money for a field trip to the symphony hall

But it seemed like a Phishing attempt to me

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
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Why is Beethoven's 5th Symphony the Martian national anthem?

Dome Dome Dome DOME, Dome Dome Dome DOME...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/aqua_zesty_man
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2020
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Don’t get Dad onto Schubert’s Symphony No 8...

...you’ll never hear the end of it.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Merulius
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2020
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Little known fact: Beethoven wrote nine symphonies.

And not one of them wrote back.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jalfredproofrock
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2020
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I dont let my children listen to symphonies

there is too much sax and violins in it.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ovi2wise
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2019
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I disapprove of symphony orchestras.

Too much sax and violins.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/89iroc
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2019
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The Seattle Symphony is playing Beethoven's 9th.

In the version they're doing, the bass section plays a bit at the start, then just sits there til the final part of the last movement. So, they decide to leave the concert and go out for drinks.

While at the bar down the street, they meet a European nobleman, and they become good friends. Unfortunately, the guy had been gorging himself on crappy bar food, and he quickly falls into a food coma.

One of the basses drunkenly checks his watch and says, "crap! We're not going to get back on stage in time!" As they're sprinting back, one of them says, "actually, I thought this would happen, so I tied some of the pages of the conductor's score together - that way, he'll have to slow the tempo way down with his right hand while undoes the knots with his left!"

And so they get back just in time to finish the Symphony, and the audience is none the wiser. The conductor, however, was furious.

After all, they'd left him at the bottom of the 9th, with the score tied, while the basses were loaded, and the Count was full.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PhantomImmortal
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2019
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Only works for the Turd Symphony.
πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2018
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Why did the symphony conductor come home with all the wrong groceries?

He forgot the Chopin Liszt

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sztormy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2019
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What is Mozart's shortest symphony?

His thirty-second symphony

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Amessersmith109
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2017
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How do you call a symphony orchestra?

Euphonium.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maskedeee
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2016
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What do zombie symphony composers do? offhandcomics.com/zombie-…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ScoobyD00
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2013
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A symphony of groan.

At the dinner table.

Mother in law: "...he has recently had two surgeries to fuse his lower vertebrae, his recovery has been quite slow"

Me: "Well I would expect nothing less after having back to back operations."

after about 4 seconds people started leaving the table.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mactonite
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2014
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Why did the man bring yogurt to the symphony?

He wanted to be more cultural!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/K20_FTW
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2017
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What do you call a symphony comprised mostly of pigs?
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rotanikleb
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2015
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The Symphony just played Chopin in four movements

I've never been Scherzo in all my life.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lindleyw
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2014
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When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it...

The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave.

Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.

When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment and said, "Ah, yes, that's Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."

He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling."

So the magistrate kept listening, "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..."

Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate.

He stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Beethoven decomposing."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
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Say, son, can you tell me what the bovine symphony makes?

Moosic.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cloudburst_
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2014
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A story about a legendary Composer

In 1827, after Beethoven died, he was buried outside the local church, in the graveyard, and people came to pay their respects frequently.

One morning, about a week after the funeral, two girls came to leave some flowers on his grave, only to hear strange, unearthly sounds coming from it. Creeped out, they called for the local Paranormal Investigator.

The Investigator arrived an hour later, and with him, a small crowd, who had come to see what was happening to the composer’s grave.

Suddenly, one member of the crowd exclaimed, β€œI recognise that sound! It’s his 9th Symphony, backwards!”

Soon after, another said, β€œand that’s his 8th, backwards!”

After leaning closer to the grave to inspect this for himself, the Investigator straightened himself up, gave a soft chuckle, and said:

β€œNever fear, ladies and gentlemen! Beethoven’s just decomposing.”

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SnixyZ
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2020
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The ultimate dadjoke. My toddlers believe that on 3 king’s day (along with bringing gifts) the camels severely screw up our home. I put muddy hoof prints throughout, upend the plants, knock over the tree, tear apart fruit, etc.

This year Was a symphony! We had aunts, and two grandmas join in for a seriously epic camel disaster for the kids to discover tomorrow. Feeling proud of my dad skills.

Photos here:

https://imgur.com/gallery/b8sILu3

Edit: the oldest is 5. We celebrated a day early so their aunt could be here. The real 3 kings day is tomorrow. Don’t tell the wise men!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sloanautomatic
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2019
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I donated a camp chair to the orchestra instrument drive.

I heard every symphony has a first chair.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/centstwo
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2019
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If you don’t like musical puns ...

... then you have my symphony.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mr_snipeypants
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2018
🚨︎ report
Beethoven performing for a huge crowd

Beethoven: You guys wanna hear some hot symphonies?

Crowd: Yeeaahhhhh!!!!

Beethoven: I can't hear you!!

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2017
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Dessert Puns

I saw a white, fluffy thing swinging through my local cake shop. Suspect it was a meringue-utang.


I was out driving the other day and I spotted two packets of cheese & onion crisps walking down the road. I said, β€œDo you want a lift”. β€œNo thanks”, they replied, β€œWe’re Walkers”.


I was in a cake shop the other day, they were all Β£5 apart from one that was Β£10. I asked why it was so expensive, the shop owner said β€œthat’s maderia cake”.


Bought some cream, it said β€œstore in a cool place”. So I left it in the Doctor Who studios.


Local ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.


I used to love doughnuts, but I got bored of the whole thing.


A man says β€œI keep finding custard in one ear, and jelly in the other”. The doctor says β€œI’m afraid you are a trifle deaf”.


I bought a waffle iron the other day. Get really annoyed with wrinkled waffles.


How do you make an apple puff? Chase it around the garden


What do they call a man who abandoned his diet? DESSERTER.


Ice cream is exquisite… –what a pity it isn’t illegal.


The optimist sees the doughnut, the pessimist sees the hole, and the realist sees the calories.


Why did Eve bite the forbidden apple? Because it tasted better than Adam’s banana.


Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.


Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? Because it’s too hard to put them on the bottom!


When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? When it’s been sliced.


What did the cake say to the fork? you want a piece of me?


Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? Because it was marble cake!


What happens when no one comes to your birthday party? You can have your cake and eat it too.


What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!


A birthday greeting: For someone special as you, only ANGELFOOD would do. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!


Did you hear there are two suspects in Two Ton Charley’s death? BEN and JERRY.


Don’t eat too much fudge, or else you will have so much pudge you won’t be able to budge.


You know you’re a mom if… Popsicles have become a staple food.


Mexican candy makes my taste buds say β€œOLE!”


FORGET LOVE… I’

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2017
🚨︎ report
My pops is beaming with pride over this one

How do you get a symphony drunk?

.

.

.

Cello Shots!

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IHSV1855
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2014
🚨︎ report
Beethoven wrote nine symphonies. And not one of them wrote back.
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jalfredproofrock
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2019
🚨︎ report
When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it...

The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave.

Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.

When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."

He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling."

So the magistrate kept listening, "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..."

Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate.

He stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Beethoven decomposing."

πŸ‘︎ 257
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2019
🚨︎ report

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