Supportive housing Puns

I'm always missing cookies when they leave

One day a loving husband and father of 2 sons comes home, one of the sons asks him to come upstairs, so he comes upstairs and his son says“dad, im gay” the father, surprised says “well, okay, i still support you son”.
The next day the father comes home to his other son asking him to come upstairs, he goes and the son also comes out as gay, the loving father says “both you and your brother, i wont have any kids, but, i still support you”........ ........ ........ ........ ........ ........ The father then walks down stairs to go and play with the family dog(male) and finds him in the backyard humping the neighbors(also male) dog. The father walks back into the house and exclaims “Does anyone in this house like women”.
His wife taps him on the sholder

We were driving to a friend's house for "game day". We live in Phoenix...we have flora that doesn't like living..because..it is Phoenix.As we were driving, we passed a huge palm tree on its last root (leg) of life in the median of the road. It is literally being held up by a few 2x4's. I look at my husband with the saddest look I can muster before I say "Babe, did you see that poor palm?". Husband says, "Oh yea, that big, dead-looking ones with the boards?". I respond, "Yea, sweetie, we should say a prayer. The poor thing is on LEAF support". He was not amused...I, however, giggle every other Saturday when we pass the tree to game day. Also, please don't worry about the tree. Now that Phoenix has made it through a hot summer, I bet after winter it will just spring back to life...assuming it doesn't fall. Lastly, sorry I'm not a dad or no actually dad said it...but I was channeling that inner dad when it happened! If I need to move this post it is okay!

Our son came running into the house, and breathlessly asked, "when are we going to replace those stairs?"
Husband asks him, "why would we replace the stairs?"
Meanwhile, I'm trying to consider all the possible ways a kid could manage to damage a concrete stoop.
Son says, "I don't trust them, they're always up to something."
Without missing a beat, husband responds with, "they've been supporting you your entire life, I think they've earned your trust by now."

Better luck next time, young Grasshopper.

While giving a speech to support his brother Jeb!'s run for the White House, he talked about how he'd been a tree farmer ever since he retired from the presidency.

He said it was great because it gave him a lot of opportunities to practice his stump speech.