Towards the end of WW2 the Americans decided to try out an advanced, decisive strategy for war ..
I tried googling tips to stop procrastinating but I ended up reading about photography
There’s no end to circles
They will always be a round
Went to the city pool and decided to pee in the deep end
Lifeguard blew his whistle so loud I almost fell in
Breaking News: Archaeologists believe that they've uncovered a cache of pencils that belonged to William Shakespeare. A spokesperson for the dig said they're so badly chewed on the ends,
we can't tell if they're 2B or not 2B.
"I must say, you are the better than every other applicant we've spoken to so far," said the man at the end of my interview.
"Thanks," I smiled, leaving the room.
Then he poked his head out of the door and said, "OK, would the second candidate like to come in?"
I entered the national rage competition after being told I was easily angered, but lost to a guy who was much angrier than me.
What do you call a woman that likes to have sex with homeless man?
Sometimes my CCNA gives me golden opportunities for puns. Question to know the answer if by end of section: “what does a successful ping verify?”
Why, the defeat of the hun army and the safety of China of course!
The fruit’s relationship had come to end…
She had to let that mango.
What is the correct way to end a letter
My son has recently taken up an interest in music. We're constantly going back and forth trying to stump the other with trivia. He thought he had me when he chorused, "Hey, dad, what genre are national anthems?!" I laughed, "That's easy!"
I meant to go into a Which Wich, but ended up in a Quiznos.
I posted this on r/eyebleach and in the end it got heavily downvoted but I wasn't missing the opportunity to post a terrible pun
I knew a guy who got on the railway, but got so distracted listening to The Clash’s music through his headphones that he missed his stop and ended up right back where he started.
He rode the train in vain.
I had a friend in the publishing industry who made calendars, but I had to end our friendship
He was always getting hung up on little things, and telling me that our days were numbered. I've turned the page.
I hear he's dating someone now though.
You come to the end of the road. North of you is the red house, west is the green house, east is the blue house. Where is the white house?
Dad joke question: has any rap song ever ended with “that’s a wrap!” Or “time to wrap it up”?
I would like to know this song.
I remember standing in solitude, at the end of the long landing overlooking the Pacific Ocean - this disembodied voice was urging me to jump, so I did...
I never could stand up to pier pressure.
I have recently been made homeless and have to live in my car...
...Now every room is the living vroom
I like to shit at 11:59pm and end at 12:05 am
If the end of the world happens, I want it to be hailing taxis.
How to tell which end of a worm is the head?
You tickle it. The end that laughs is the head.
Credit: My 7y.o nephew
To prove he was right, the "flat earther" walked to the end of the Earth
He eventually came around
Massive protest spread across Madrid earlier today to protest the nation's Supreme Court ruling that bans tattoos.
Nobody accepts the Spanish ink decision.
What did the German soldier say to the French soldier at the end of WWI?
My relationship with the former US Women's National Soccer Team goalkeeper is coming to an end
I'm starting to lose Hope. I haven't felt Solo for a long time
My friends and I were playing a game where you have to think of famous Johns. The game ends if you pick a John that is no longer with us.
It's all fun and games until someone gets Hurt.
Why is everyone depressed and ready for the year to end?
Because 2021.
I hope this is OC. Havent looked though.
I was having a glass of wine with my wife after a long day and I heard her say "I love you so much and always look forward to being with you at the end of the day. I don't know what I'd do without you." "Is that you or the wine talking?" I asked. She replied "It's me...
The nation of Iran lies between the ancient lands of Babylon to the west and the mountains of Afghanistan to the east...
In other words, it’s between Iraq and a hard place.
Change
I was coming out of a corner shop and this homeless person came up to me and said "Any change?"
I looked at myself up and down and said.. "Nope, still the same"
True story :D
Did you know that if you took the Eiffel Tower apart and laid each piece end to end...
you could go to jail for a very long time?
I tried to share a sandwich with a homeless guy today.
He said, "Fuck off. Get your own!"
Bert and Ernie had worked together as morning drivetime radio hosts for 20 years.
They'd traded jokes, played pop music, and generally made people's lives a touch brighter as they trundled to work.
Now, though, there was silence on the air. Ernie silently reread the fax message from the Department of Defense. As licensed broadcasters they were legally obligated to alert the public, to tell them the nukes were flying and that in a few minutes all the world's troubles would be over. What, though, was the point of that? To torture people with the knowledge of something they couldn't change?
Their eyes met and a decision was reached. Bert put on their most requested song, a sugary top 40 tune while Ernie produced a bottle of bourbon from under the desk. As their producer banged on the locked studio door the colleagues toasted the end of a long career.
Bert, always the consummate professional, turned away from the window as the first explosion split the distant horizon. He straightened his tie, tucked in his shirt, and brushed his hair back. He would meet his fiery death with dignity.
He turned to Ernie and said in a quiet, resigned voice, "How do I look, Ernie?"
Ernie walked slowly over to his friend. He looked into Bert's face and saw the closeness they shared, the strength of their relationship, forged over the years. He took a deep breath and spoke quietly:
"With your eyes, Bert."
I just finished the book, "How to Become Homeless"...
If all social media came to an end
It would be post apocalyptic
Soccer coach to newbie: "Basically, you kick this ball down the field and try to get it into that big net at the end."
"That's the goal at least."
Did you know that you change nationalities when you really have to go to the bathroom?
When you’re trying to find the facilities, you’re Russian. Once you get there though, European.
An actual conversation between my wife and my son yesterday.
My wife has been teaching my son to fold his own laundry but he complains about it everytime. My wife, trying to convince my son, said to him "If you pick up this habit, your future wife will love you very much."
My son replied "I don't want my future wife to love me very much. I want my future wife to help me fold my laundry."
I busted out laughing. But the end result is that now I have to fold my own laundry going forward.
The U.K. lockdown is going to end...
I saw the post about not wanting 2020 to end as it would mean that 2021...
but I am just worried that two years later, nothing will change and it will be still be the same as 2022...
I was only going to buy one budgie, but in the end I got two.
There's a department of the United Nations which tries to improve the quality of food in restaurants.
Towards the end of WW2 the Americans decided to try out an advanced, decisive strategy for war
They should rename national anthems to...
I tried to share a sandwich with a homeless guy today
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