SuicideGirls Puns

Wife: I can't take clients at my place on Saturday's anymore.

Me: Why?

Wife: The nail girls are to ducking loud!

Me: Well tell them to quite quacking under pressure.

Edit:

Wife: That's business suicide.

They're calling it Allahpalooza some of the headliners include, The Suicide Girls, Bombye West, and The Big Bang Theory.

Us having a pure hear-say conversation until this point:

Him: "Yeah, no, suicide rates are definitely going up in celebrities. They were awhile before Robins died actually."

Me: "Oh?"

Him: "Yeah. Just recently, some girl stabbed herself in her trailer's kitchenette. She was in Walk the Line, blonde blue eyes an-"

Me: "Reese Witherspoon?"

Him: "No, with a knife."

Me: "..."

You win this time.

My mom, my aunt, and I are walking down a London street. My aunt comments a shirt that a girl walking in the opposite direction was wearing.

Aunt: "Why would you wear a shirt with "suicidal tendencies" on it?"

Me: "It's a band name."

Aunt: "A what?"

Me: "A BAND NAME"

Aunt: "..."

Aunt: "...Well that's upbeat."