Stefan Wolle Puns

#Colorado Avalanche (11-6-1) at Toronto Maple Leafs (16-6-1)

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ich pack grad mein leben nicht. der standard hat einen beitrag zur rede die der blümel heut nachmittag in wien gehalten hat, zu "ein jahr wahltriumph in wien" und es ist nicht nur so unverholen deppert und unverfroren verlogen wie man es nach den letzten paar wochen dauerauftritten von der övp-spitzenriege erwartet, es ist schlimmer. dass der schüssel dort gesessen ist ist dann nur mehr das sahnehäubchen. ein paar auszüge:

> Sein Verständnis von Politik sei immer gewesen, dass es "den Wettbewerb der besten Ideen gibt, um Wählerstimmen zu gewinnen", es aber am Ende des Tages darum gehe, "gemeinsam zu gestalten und sich nicht gegenseitig zu vernichten", sagte Blümel. Diese "Grundvoraussetzung der österreichischen Demokratie" hätten "manche auf Bundesebene im letzten Jahr hinter sich gelassen". Offenbar gehe es ihnen "nur noch darum, den anderen zu vernichten". Blümels Anspruch an die ÖVP: "Wir sind nicht so. Unser Anspruch ist immer Gestaltung, nicht Vernichtung."

> Eine der wesentlichen Fragen in einer Demokratie sei der Umgang miteinander, betonte Blümel. Er würde "massiven Aufholbedarf" bei "Selbstkritikfähigkeit und Diskursfähigkeit" sehen, sagte Blümel. Und: "Wenn wir den innenpolitischen Umgang miteinander in Österreich seit circa Mai letzten Jahres betrachten, können sicher viele diesen Befund teilen. Ich nehme dabei keine Partei aus."

> So erlebe er immer mehr ein Auseinanderdriften zwischen dem, was die Mehrheit der Gesellschaft in Österreich gesellschaftspolitisch bewege, und dem, was eine kleine "Meinungselite" meine, was die Menschen bewegen sollte. Die Mehrheit finde sich nicht mehr in den Debatten wieder, die geführt werden. Es gehe nun darum, der schweigenden Mehrheit eine öffentliche Stimme zu geben, so Blümel.

> In Richtung Stadtregierung erklärte Blümel: "Wien ist eine großartige Stadt. Wien ist meine Heimat. Und ich liebe meine Heimat. Auch wenn ich nicht mit allem zufrieden bin, was in dieser Stadt passiert." Das sei kein Widerspruch, er wolle nur das Beste für die Stadt. Unzufriedenheit sei per se nichts Schlechtes. Sondern lediglich das Gegenteil zu "Selbstzufriedenheit". Letztere sei, rot gefärbt, in Wien der Gegner des Fortschritts.

über die ganzen gschichten vom kurz und seiner "familie" gibts inzwischen eh genug berichterstattung, die alten övpl

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

Do your worst!

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

Heard they've been doing some shady business.

BamBOO!

They’re on standbi

Pilot on me!!

Nothing, he was gladiator.

Christopher Walken

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

When I got home, they were still there.

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

I won't be doing that today!

Where ever you left it 🤷‍♀️🤭

This morning, my 4 year old daughter.

Daughter: I'm hungry

Me: nerves building, smile widening

Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.

She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.

Thank you all for listening.

[Removed]

There hasn't been a post all year!

You take away their little brooms

It was about a weak back.

Why

It’s pronounced “Noel.”

After all his first name is No-vac

What, then, is Chinese rap?

Edit:

Notable mentions from the comments:

• Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits

• French/Finnish art

• Country/Canadian rap

• Chinese/Country/Canadian rock

• Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap

Hello, I am one of the resident Germans that hang out here. Germany is a pretty popular topic in recent days, and one part of it is the story of the Handelsblatt.

Part 1: 8% AstraZeneca

An article of Germans newspaper Handelsblatt made waves when they alleged that sources told them that the AstraZeneca vaccine is only 8% effective in people 65 years old or above. This has huge implications if true and people were confused and upset.

AstraZeneca reacted quickly by admitting that they initially had not properly tested that age group, but pointed to the findings of the Lancet Jornal that showed that it worked pretty well even in that age group. The German Ministry of Health also chipped in and said that there had to be an error and noted that 8% was also the percentage of test subjects that were between 56 and 69 years.

It was speculated that somebody, the journalist or the source confused the numbers.

Part 2: A colossal fuck-up?

The Handelsblatt is a business newspaper that is reputable and around for 74 years. This made the story strange from the very beginning. The BILD also reported the same story, but the BILD is tabloid similar to The Sun, so we can safely ignore what they said. The Handelsblatt is not a tabloid. It's a paper with a reputation.

Yet it published the story. Did a whole bunch of people cock-up? Not impossible, it can happen. After all, AstraZeneca has so far shown to work properly. Cheaper and easier to use than Pfizer, albeit a bit less effective than Pfizer. But no not working at 8% over 65 bad. It seemed pretty obvious that the newspaper fucked up by publishing the story. Did the journalist confuse the numbers, did the source?

I was ready to believe that it was an unfortunate chain of fuck-ups.

Part 3: What is happening?!

However, instead of putting the head down and apologizing, Handelsblatt doubled-down. They published a new article.

[DE]

[...]

> Das Handelsblatt hatte am Montag aus der Regierungskoalition erfahren, dass Spahns Ministerium bereits prüft, ob die nach Alter gestaffelte Impfreihenfolge angepasst werden muss. Auch das Wirtschaftsportal „Business Insider“ und die „Bild“-Zeitung hatten über die Erwägungen des Ministers berichtet, die bisherige gesetzliche Impfpriorisierung zu ändern.

> Das Handelsblatt hatte in diesem Zusammenhang auch über interne Berechnungen einer

There hasn't been a single post this year!

(Happy 2022 from New Zealand)