I have started carrying a piece of stone with me to throw at people who sing Christmas songs before Thanksgiving.
Itโs my jingle bell rock.
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︎ Oct 17 2020
What happens when you listen to a Death song 1,000 times?
It becomes a Megadeth song
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︎ Jan 19 2021
I asked my friend Sam to sing me a song about my iPhone.
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︎ Jan 07 2021
I keep forgetting the guitar tabs to that one Sublime song...
I guess you could say I dont practice Santeria.
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︎ Jan 16 2021
I sang the rainbow song to a cop yesterday.
They arrested me for colorful language.
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︎ Jan 02 2021
My girlfriend told me she hates songs by Britney Spears and she doesn't want me to sing them.
But oops, I did it again.
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︎ Nov 27 2020
Do you know why I want to perform a song for you?
It would be the โI sing on my cakeโ day.
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︎ Nov 26 2020
I wrote a song to memorialize the man killed when a piano fell down a mine shaft.
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︎ Oct 18 2020
When Shaquille OโNeal gives you a birthday card, he always signs it with a reference to his favorite 80โs song.
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︎ Nov 20 2020
My son kept singing the first line to the Spider-Man song over and over. So we took him to the doctor who gave us the bad news:
Our son was trapped in the spider-verse.
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︎ Sep 24 2020
So my wife and I were singing the song โThe farmer in the dellโ to our daughter. My wife looks at me and asks โWhatโs a dell?โ
To which I responded: a British pop singer
Then came the eye roll
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︎ Sep 05 2020
My musician son was complaining about having to learn the theme song from Friends.
I said to him, "So no one told you life was gonna be this way?"
[Insert claps here]
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︎ Sep 15 2020
I donโt always have the urge to post song lyrics as my FB status...
But when I do, I refrain!
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︎ Sep 09 2020
My girlfriend told me she would to leave if I didnโt stop quoting Micheal Jackson songs.
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︎ Jul 14 2020
Why couldn't the programmer dance to the song?
Because he didn't get the... algo-rhythm...
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︎ Jul 05 2020
"Let me get this straight, you want me to write a kids song about a dog with a funny "name-o"
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︎ Aug 10 2020
Linkin Park have a song called Numb, but to me their In The End is Number song
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︎ Jul 11 2020
I tried to put my favourite Gorillaz song on the jukebox, but they didn't have it.
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︎ Jun 11 2020
What do you call it when you dance to a Cardi B song in zumba class?
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︎ May 15 2020
Theyโre punning lyrics to a song from a movie.
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︎ Apr 14 2020
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︎ May 08 2020
A teenage girl came across an elderly man sitting next to his radio, tapping his cane to a Lil Wayne song.
"Wow! I didn't think you'd like rap music!"
"I didn't, either," the old man replied. "It all started after my hip op".
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︎ Jun 18 2020
I was having trouble playing a song on guitar and my teacher said "practice to a tick"
It didn't work at all and now I have Lyme disease
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︎ Apr 17 2020
I didn't like Africa by Toto at first, or any of their other songs. But eventually I grew to really like them
I guess love isn't always on time
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︎ Feb 25 2020
What song do autonomous cars listen to?
Follow the LIDAR LIDAR LIDAR, follow the LIDAR
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︎ May 15 2020
I can't stop myself from listening to an Eric Clapton song on repeat every day.
I think I have a Cocaine addiction.
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︎ May 11 2020
What do you call the verses added to a song to make it longer?
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︎ Dec 07 2019
I played a song to a tree in Russia
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︎ Apr 16 2020
What song does the Rick and Morty creator listen to while on a boat?
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︎ Mar 05 2020
Driving down the road, listening to Disney songs. I look in my rear view mirror. My two-year-old is grooving. I ask her, "Aw, are you dancing?" And she replies,
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︎ Nov 23 2019
Here is a song dedicated to all them dads such inside resisting their wild side.
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︎ Mar 30 2020
My wife and kids told me to stop singing Christmas songs. They said 'It's March, save it for the one day it is Christmas!'
I said 'Oh... I wish it could be Christmas everyday.'
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︎ Mar 08 2020
What bird never knows the lyrics to a song?
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︎ Dec 16 2019
This guy comes up to me at the karaoke bar and asks, "Are you the guy who spends all night singing Neil Diamond songs?"
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︎ Feb 07 2020
I just witnessed a bride walk down the isle to the song "dock of a bay"
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︎ Jan 21 2020
What is the most terrifying song to legos?
"I Fall To Pieces" - Patsy Cline
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︎ Jan 12 2020
I recently changed my alarm clock music to a Justin Bieber song.
Now I wake up 5 minutes earlier every day so that I donโt have to listen to it.
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︎ Nov 07 2018
What song does Pepper Potts sing to her newborn?
Ba-by Stark doot doo doot doo doot doo....
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︎ Dec 06 2019
not only is it a pun based on the song "Can't Hold Us" by Macklemore and Ryan Lewis, it's also a good reminder on how to pronounce the word coelacanth (seeยทluhยทkanth)!
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︎ Jul 25 2019
I've gotten to the age when young people don't recognize my song lyric references anymore.
Well I guess this is growing up.
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︎ Jun 27 2019
I hate it when people unnecessarily post lyrics to songs.
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︎ Jun 14 2019
I always carry a pebble with me to throw at people who sing Christmas songs in October.
I call it my jingle bell rock!
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︎ Oct 31 2020
I always carry a pebble with me to throw at people who sing Christmas songs in October.
I call it my jingle bell rock.
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︎ Oct 28 2019
My kids want me to stop singing Oasis songs.
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︎ Nov 05 2019
I always carry a stone with me to throw at people who sing Christmas songs in October.
I call it my jingle bell rock.
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︎ Oct 21 2019
I asked my friend Sam to sing a song about the iPhone.
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︎ Jan 28 2019
I asked my friend Sam to sing a song about iPhone
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︎ Oct 11 2019
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