I’m lost for words.
gullible.
They both have a great time.
A Two-Deux list.
by Mrs. Henderson, my high school English teacher and a first-rate whore.
I said, "No, that snake's not poisonous at all."
So the boy picks up the snake which bites him, and the boy starts to spasm and foam at the mouth as the other kids look on in horror.
I continued, "But that snake is venomous. Poison is ingested or absorbed, while venom is injected. Let's get it right next time, boys."
The quiz show round was to name famous people named 'Roger'. One of the clues was 'Swiss tennis layer who won 17 Grand Slam titles between 2003 and 2012'. The male contestant guessing the names was very camp and when he guessed the name my Dad commented "I bet he'd like to Roger Federer".
In the Dumble Dryer.
(Thought of only days after becoming a dad, finally found a place to share it where it'll be appreciated)
Talking about the condition of one of the power saws at work (construction):
Boss: Do you know if that saw is working properly now? Did (coworker) manage to fix it?
Me: Yeah, it's running now, only problem it that it doesn't cut any longer...
Boss: Huh?
Me: Yeah, it only cuts shorter.
The original conversation was not in English, but the pun works in my native language too.
I used to carry my money in a English to Czech dictionary. When people would ask for money I would say "Sure. Let me grab my Czech Book."
I carried that book around for 3 months before I got to use that pun. Worth it.
I said, "Hey [friendsname], I wanna tell you something."
She said, "Is this gonna be a joke?"
"No, it's just a neat fact."
"Okay, what is it?"
"In every single English dictionary, there is always one word that is spelled incorrectly."
"Really? Which one?"
"Incorrectly."
She laughed.
They both had a great time.
