Shahbulat Shamhalaev Puns

Edit: I pitch Gregor's Law. "As an MMA discussion grows longer, the probability of a comparison involving Conor McGregor approaches 1"

2008 Pro Debut

Fights in chronological order in the format: Name (Khabib's record vs their record) [followed by their record now.]

Vusal Bayramov (0-0 vs 0-0) [2-5 now]

Shamil Abdulkerimov (1-0 vs 0-0) [4-3 now]

Ramazan Kurbanismailov (2-0 vs 0-0) [6-4-2 now]

Magomed Magomedov (3-0 vs 0-4) [4-6 now]

Eldar Eldarov (4-0 vs 0-0) [9-1 now]

Said Akhmed (5-0 vs 0-0) [0-1 now]

Shahbulat Shamhalaev (6-0 vs 2-0) [12-3-1 now]

Ali Bagov (7-0 vs 2-1) [24-10 now]

Vitaliy Ostrovskiy (8-0 vs 4-2) [8-10 now]

Alexander Agafonov (9-0 vs 4-2) [5-4 now]

Said Khalilov (10-0 vs 12-9) [12-12 now]

Ashot Shahinyan (11-0 vs 0-2) [1-5 now]

Kadzhik Abadzhyan (12-0 vs 1-1) [2-6 now]

Hamiz Mamedov (13-0 vs 4-3) [8-4 now]

Vadim Sandulitsky (14-0 vs 0-0) [8-5 now]

Arymarcel Santos (15-0 vs 28-22) [37-34 now]

Khabib was 16-0 when he got signed to the UFC, but that record was made up of matchups like (11-0 vs 0-2) or (14-0 vs 0-0).

The combined records he signed to fight were 57-46 in his first 16 wins, when his own combined record was 120-0 across these fights.

Only 8 of these 16 opponents had ever won a fight, whereas Khabib was undefeated.

Only 7 of these 16 opponents he signed to fight had a positive record.

Only 2 of these 16 opponents had more than 5 wins.

At this moment those same opponents have a combined record of 142-113-2, they went 85-67-2 after signing to fight Khabib (85-51-2 if you don't count their losses to Khabib.)

Now all but 1 have won a fight.

9 of the 16 have positive records now.

10 of the 16 have more than 5 wins now.

2012 UFC Debut

Kamal Shalorus (16-0 vs 7-1-2) [9-5-2 now]

Gleison Tibau (17-0 vs 26-7) [32-12 now]

Thiago Tavares (18-0 vs 17-4-1) [21-7-1 now]

Abel Trujillo (19-0 vs 10-4) [15-7 now]

Pat Healy (20-0 vs 26-16) [31-23 now]

Rafael dos Anjos (21-0 vs 20-6) [27-9 now]

Darrel Horcher (22-0 vs 12-1) [13-2 now]

Michael Johnson (23-0 vs 17-10) [17-12 now]

Khabib's only currently ranked wins are over #9 Lightweight Michael Johnson, and #5 Welterweight Rafael Dos Anjos.

The combined opponent record of Khabib's opponents in the UFC at the time of their fights with him were 135-49-3, a big step up in competition.

Those opponents are now 165-77-3. Khabib's opponents have gone 30-20 after losing to fight

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

Please keep the fight discussions in here.

If you do make a post about a fight remember to keep spoilers out of the title and add [Spoiler] or use the Submit a Spoiler button.

Any posts or comments asking for illegal live streams will be removed.

Don't miss the UFC 173 ticket giveaway! Leave a comment in this thread to apply.

Main Card: Live on PPV @ 10 PM ET

• Light Heavyweight: Quinton Jackson vs. Muhammed Lawal
• Lightweight: Michael Chandler vs. Will Brooks
• Light Heavyweight: Tito Ortiz vs. Alexander Shlemenko
• Heavyweight: Alexander Volkov vs. Blagoy Ivanov
• Welterweight: Michael Page vs. Ricky Rainey

Televised Prelims: Live on Spike TV @ 8 PM ET

• Heavyweight: Cheick Kongo vs. Eric Smith
• Featherweight: Shahbulat Shamhalaev vs. Fabrício Guerreiro
• Featherweight: Mike Richman vs. Goiti Yamauchi
• Lightweight: Marcin Held vs. Nate Jolly

Online Prelims: Live on Spike.com @ 6:30 PM ET

• Featherweight: Zach Underwood vs. Austin Lyons
• Heavyweight: [Justin Frazier](http://www.s

Do your worst!

Hello all,

My name is Karim Zidan and I am a journalist and editor for BloodyElbow, as well as a columnist for SportsonEarth. I am here to discuss my investigative work in Russia and beyond. This includes all sorts of bizarre cases, including Amar Suloev, the UFC fighter turned alleged contract killer, Shahbulat Shamhalaev and the dangers of living in Dagestan as a renowned athlete, the corrupt oligarchs who are involved in the sports, Datsik's rampage through brothels in St. Petersburg, and Kadyrov.

Here is a link to all my investigative/longform work this year: www.bloodyelbow.com/2015/2/7/7999961/russia-roundup-fedor-vadim-mma-news

Feel free to ask anything that interests you. These are remarkably confusing and unsavoury topics and I would like to clear up any misunderstandings.

Please post your questions below. I will begin responding at 6pm ET. Will stay online as long as the questions are interesting and engaging.

Disclaimer: I do not speak for BloodyElbow (SBNation) or SportsonEarth (MLBNetwork).

EDIT: Ok, guys. I am here and ready to answer questions! If I miss anything, reach out to me @ZidanSports

EDIT 2: It is now 10pm ET and I still plan on answering the remainder of the questions following a short break for dinner.

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

Ever since UFC 205, I see Khabib's 24-0 record mentioned everywhere. However, what most people don't seem to take into consideration (or maybe willingly ignore), is that 2/3 of that comes from minor Russian promotions. If you take a closer look at his opponents from that period, you'll see that a lot of those wins are against unknown guys with rather unimpressive records. Half of them had either 0 or 1 win at the time they fought Khabib. Really, only 2 of them could be considered experienced fighters, and even their win/loss ratios are pretty meh.

Opponent | Record at Time of Fight | Current Record :--------:|:-----------------------:|:--------------: Vusal Bayramov | 0-0 | 2-5 Magomed Magomedov | 0-4 | 6-7 Ramazan Kurbanismailov | 1-0 | 5-3 Shamil Abdulkerimov | 2-0 | 4-3 Said Akhmedov | 0-0 | 0-1 Eldar Eldarov | 1-0 | 8-1 Shahbulat Shamhalaev | 2-0 | 12-3 Ali Bagov | 2-1 | 22-10 Vitaliy Ostroskiy | 4-3 | 8-11 Alexander Agafonov | 4-1 | 5-3 Said Khalilov | 12-9 | 12-12 Ashot Shahinyan | 0-2 | 1-5 Kadzhik Abadzhyan | 1-1 | 3-6 Khamiz Mamedov | 4-3 | 8-4 Vadim Sandulitsky | 0-0 | 8-4 Arymarcel Santos | 27-22 | 37-34

Now, before everyone jumps on me and calls me a hater, just hear me out. I'm not discrediting Khabib. The point I'm trying to make is that just saying he is 26-0 without giving any context is rather misleading. If you were to take Conor's 21-3 record and look at the numbers alone, it's clearly inferior, but when you take into account the level of opposition he's faced (3 championship level fighters vs 1), it's definitely not any lesser.

What I think is a much more relevant statistic is that he is 8-0 in the UFC. That is EXTREMELY impressive, but when we're discussing who Conor's next opponent should be, it isn't that unique. The other people in the mix are Ferguson, Aldo, and Holloway, who are 12-1 (9-fight win streak), 16-1 (1-fight streak + FW interim belt), and 11-2 (9-fight win steak) in the UFC/WEC, respectively.

EDIT: I feel like half of the people commenting here aren't even reading the whole post. I'm NOT saying that Khabib does not deserve to fight McGregor because he has a padded record, or whatever. I'm saying that when discussing who should fight Conor next, more than just the numbers on the record should be taken into consideration. For example, Khabib's 24-0 is quite clearly better than Holloway's 16-3, but IMO it's not because he had more wins and less loss

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

They’re on standbi

Pilot on me!!

Nothing, he was gladiator.

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

When I got home, they were still there.

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

I won't be doing that today!

[Removed]

Where ever you left it 🤷‍♀️🤭

This morning, my 4 year old daughter.

Daughter: I'm hungry

Me: nerves building, smile widening

Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.

She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.

Thank you all for listening.

You take away their little brooms

There hasn't been a post all year!

It was about a weak back.

Why

It’s pronounced “Noel.”

After all his first name is No-vac

What, then, is Chinese rap?

Edit:

Notable mentions from the comments:

• Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits

• French/Finnish art

• Country/Canadian rap

• Chinese/Country/Canadian rock

• Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap

There hasn't been a single post this year!

(Happy 2022 from New Zealand)