My wife uses nasal spray a lot, to the point we think she is addicted to it. I tried to send her to rehab, but she didn't like it.

She said it was just a bunch of stuffy people.

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📅︎ Mar 21 2021
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If Cassius Clay used a Chinese app to send money, would you call it AliPay?
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👤︎ u/Cephas11
📅︎ Jul 06 2020
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Which school does China send its prisoners?

kidney garden

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👤︎ u/warpedddd
📅︎ Mar 22 2020
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[Picture] Im selling a microwave on facebook and asked my dad to send me pictures of the inside of it to show a buyer.

I wasn't disappointed

https://imgur.com/gallery/gCDyE8C

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👤︎ u/DanPos
📅︎ Dec 14 2018
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If I send you a funny picture from the internet, it memes I like you.
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📅︎ Jul 07 2019
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I bought a coffee table but I might send it back.

It doesn't taste anything like coffee.

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👤︎ u/TommehBoi
📅︎ Aug 14 2019
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Not a joke per se, but definitely fits - I texted my daughter "in a bottle" and then waited for her to ask "what's this I don't get it. How come out of the blue you just randomly send me the message 'in a...' ... I hate you"

Had potential to misfire but worked perfectly.

Also, the other day my wife left a Monster energy drink under her bed, and we waited for her to come and ask "ok who put this monster under my bed?"

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👤︎ u/evilbrent
📅︎ Apr 02 2019
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Why didn't the wind send its email?

It was just a draft

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📅︎ Jun 12 2019
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I made this to send to people after I make a pun. Feel free to use it, or make it onto a tshirt/phone case.
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📅︎ Jul 24 2017
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What do call it when you send a watermelon in the mail?

Post Melon

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👤︎ u/0ajh10
📅︎ Oct 16 2018
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If they send another probe to Saturn's biggest moon, they should put a pushpin on it.

Then it'll be a tack on Titan.

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📅︎ Feb 08 2017
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When you mess up a coded message and have to send it again

Re morse

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👤︎ u/FlyScript
📅︎ Aug 24 2018
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Waited all day to send this to my BF who is a teacher. Someone probably already thought of this one, but it's original to me i.reddituploads.com/f790b…
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👤︎ u/Thovy
📅︎ Jan 17 2017
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I had to put a table in a report before we could send it out. imgur.com/iZRH9z5
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📅︎ Dec 20 2016
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So this European comedy group is working on a movie with a bizarre plot - apparently a famous rock guitarist and drummer gains control of the weather and sends it haywire.

The movie is going to be called, Monty Python and the Grohly Hail.

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👤︎ u/whosevelt
📅︎ Dec 12 2017
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I ordered rabbit at a restaurant but I had to send it back.

There was a hare in it.

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👤︎ u/tylerbird
📅︎ Jan 14 2017
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what do you call it when a mafia boss named Ana Conda sends his snobbish criminal henchman to go on a mission that includes said henchman to go down multiple flights of stairs?

Conda sending condecending con decending

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👤︎ u/Jackg4444
📅︎ Aug 15 2015
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What phone line does the White House send its official press releases from now?

The alternative fax.

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📅︎ Jan 23 2017
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I knew it was coming the second I hit 'send'...

My Mom is big into birds and my folks have a friend who works in our local (small town) air control tower that let them come up from time to time to search for Snowy Owls (apparently they like the open plains that an airport provides). Anyways this is the text exchange between me and my dad:

Dad: (pic of mom with binoculars looking out the control tower)

Me: great pic! Seeing anything?

Dad: airplanes

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👤︎ u/the_seed
📅︎ Apr 02 2014
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