Screen Door Puns

She shudders to think...

You'll strain yourself

It'll strain your voice.

But I told him this time I'd let it slide.

He strained himself.

It was his sun-screen

The kind that's small enough to fly through the screen door.

And the kind that's big enough to open it.

When I was skyping with my girlfriend last night at one point she got up to close the door but as she did it she said to me "hold on." So I waited for her to leave the screen and then immediately scribbled the word "On" onto a piece of paper and then held it up in front of the webcam, and screamed "Got It!" She sat down confused wondering what I had and then after reading the words she fell back in her bed laughing.

Tl;dr I held "on"

My parents visited me last weekend. Short on ideas, we decided to hit up a widely-respected art museum. They had some new exhibitions, some of which were a little outside our personal tastes and expectations.

We walked into a photography exhibit and saw, along one wall, a sheet of green. This sheet of green was a little higher and taller than the average door, and stretched all the way down that bit of wall plus a few feet onto the floor.

"Oh," I said, "a green screen. That's kind of a neat little thing to have here. Sort of an homage to that style of film, I guess?"

Little did I know. In hindsight, I don't know why I expected anything different.

My father and I approached the plaque beside it. There we learned the truth: This was not a green screen. No. No, this was a specially printed photograph.

A photograph... of a green screen.

There we stood, astonished at the audacity of the thing before us. "My God," I said aloud, "This, right here, this is something else. This is just plain genius. Can you imagine getting money for something like this? Why didn't we come up with this? This is gold!"

To which my dad simply responded, "No, son...

... it's green."

Me: Goddamn flies...

Dad: Did you hear the one about the fly who tried to fly through the screen door?

Me: Nooo....?

Dad: He strained himself.

Purchase his first car yesterday, when we went to get it registered he thought he was being funny by reading the messag screen

Son: oh look, it says my door is ajar

Me: i think mine is a can

Son: groans