Has anyone watched the new Eco-Challenge? I have only watched the first episode so far, but Sam/Mark from Australian Survivor are on team "Aussie Rescue". Not sure if they get much screen time as there's over 66 teams (didn't notice them on ep 1), but this is one hard race. I give all the teams a lot of props for just attempting it.
I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.
Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.
---The Grandmother---
“I’m… not… angry…” I lie.
“Yes, you are.” The voice behind me states, simply.
“I’m… not… angry!” I say with the Thief’s own honesty.
“Cap, you’re clearly…”
“Alright, FINE!!! I’m not angry, I’m [furious]! I’m [livid]! [Irate]! [Incensed]!”
Taylor's language has so many words for different shades of anger, from ‘miffed’ to ‘apoplectic’. It’s worth embarrassing myself with the way my beak mangles them, to get the point across.
I take a deep inhale of the oxygen rich atmosphere, maintained in this Dorm for Terran comfort, and watch the stars slowly parallax past eachother out of the window.
“Cap, I really didn’t know! When I picked her up… she was wild. I thought she was gainin’ weight because she had access to all the food she wanted… I tried havin’ her do more exercise… I thought about puttin’ her on a diet! I’m glad I’m such a weak will when it comes to those sad eyes… it prob’ly would have been bad for them if I’d put my foot down.”
I wheel around, my face screwed up in rage. The five Humans, Don and Sahas all turn down their faces in shame.
“I’m not angry that you brought an a’Teksian mirkbeast onto my ship with a litter in her belly, Taylor! I’m not angry that you misread the signals of pregnancy! I’m not even angry that you got yourself injured by her!... Whatever I used to think and however it may sometimes seem to me, I’ve seen enough of your stupid decisions and blindspots to know that Humans aren’t clairvoyant! I’m at peace with that! Taylor!…” I move toward the man, with his right arm bruised and slashed, now attempting to convey my hurt with every gesture of myself “…I’m angry that you kept it secret! You didn’t trust me with this! Ten diurnals!? What did you think would happen? You thought you could smuggle them off the ship somewhere, without anyone noticing? Then what?!”
Suitably ashamed he answers “…Cap… I’m sorry!… We… I didn’t know… what to do! We talked about it a lot! Eight of them’s a breedin’ population and that’s a crime, doesn’t matter that their siblings! We decided it was better if you had plausible deniability! I really didn’t do this because I didn’t trust you!”
I sigh and flick my crown plumes “…So?... Why are you compromising my [plausible deniability], now?! And what made her
... keep reading on reddit ➡---Disclaimer: This chapter contains fictionalised depictions of bigotry, violence, cannibalism and reference to slave trading. Please read no further if you feel any of those things would upset you.---
---Revanchism---
---Victor’s Perspective---
“Pick it up!” I say incredulously at Mouse, who’s just dropped her dead firearm on the ground in front of her.
“Don’t separate yourself from your firearm just because it’s useless currently! Pick it up and put it back in the holster I gave you!”
Fuck!
Maybe I should have put her last in succession?!
She’s so smart that I forget how thoroughly bookish her intelligence is!
I holster my shotgun at my back and hear that, ever so satisfying, analogue *click* of it locking into place.
I draw my plasma-falchion. I should have nearly a metre of edge, superheated to thousands of degrees… I click the ignition… what I have is a lump of metal(!)… I test the edge… a sharpish lump of metal(!)
Then I hear a mass of sibilance and gutturals coming from behind me… Fuck! Hassi doesn’t speak English! Of course she doesn’t! She only encountered Terrans weeks ago… even a Human couldn’t learn a language quite that fast! Plus, she’d probably learn Hindi if she were going to learn anything.
We lucked out that everyone else speaks my first language. I know it’s the closest thing to a Terran lingua franca there is but not every Terran speaks it!
“You three!” I say addressing those who aren’t SOs but do speak English “New plan: Find somethin’ you’re happy usin’ as a bludgeon. I think there’re some railing posts in that crate over there. Just get somethin’ you’re happier with than bare hands! When you’re done rearming, I want Mage and Mouse guardin’ Starboard side door and Cookie and Hassi on Port! You’re gonna take anyone that gets past me, Samus and Tuun. Don’t let even one get into the ship!”
Turning to Hassi I try to remember enough Galactic Basic to say “Follow friends find thing for hit. Go Krish after.” while backing it up with Human adapted Galactic Basic Sign Language… she seems to understand…
“Samus! You’re taking point! I want you in the middle of the room, controlling the space with that greatsword! I’ll be backing you up to your right, Tuun will take your left.” Samus draws 150cm of blade from her hip and stands it next to herse
... keep reading on reddit ➡Do your worst!
They were cooked in Greece.
I'm surprised it hasn't decade.
Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?
Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"
Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"
I did this mock with the mentality that teams that need QBs go and get them and teams that need WR talent don't let the chance slide. It's a passing league and fans want points in a hurry. Feels kind of similar to 2021's draft.
| Team | Pick | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| 1. Jaguars | Kayvon Thibodeaux, edge | I agree with those saying Jags won't want to pass up the best prospect in the class and will put faith in Little to hold the line. |
| 2. Lions | Aidan Hutchinson, edge | Yes |
| 3. Broncos (trade with Houston for #9, 2023 1st, whatever other bullshit) | Kenny Pickett, QB | Broncos give up 2022 (#9) and 2023 firsts with Houston to hop Carolina and secure their favorite QB prospect. (If you don't like Pickett, swap out a QB's name here) |
| 4. Jets | Drake London, WR | Jets take their favorite/best wide receiver to activate Zach Wilson and the offense. Again, swap out your favorite WR here, but the point remains. They choose their WR here so the Falcons don't get first choice. |
| 5. Giants | Evan Neal, OT | It's a BPA pick. Giants' new regime's direction is to draft responsibly, rebuild the trenches, and play dignified football. |
| 6. Panthers | Malik Willis, QB | Panthers absolutely take a QB as everyone's seen enough of Darnold and Cam. Willis buys another year for Rhule after they install an exciting RPO offense to get the most out of CMC. They bite the bullet on Darnold's option and let him be an expensive backup. |
| 7. Giants | George Karlaftis, ED | Unsexy but a sturdy dude to form the foundation of the new Giants. |
| 8. Falcons | Garrett Wilson, WR | Falcons are actually rolling with Matty Ice another year so they'll give him another weapon since Ridley's all but gone. |
| 9. Texans | Sauce Gardner, CB | Texans go defensive and get their shutdown corner but shy away from Stingley due to injury concerns. This team lost Tunsil for almost all of 2021 and doesn't want any more key players sitting out. |
| 10. Jets | Kyle Hamilton, S | BPA, Jets hope Hamilton can neutralize Josh Allen's deep shots. |
| 11. Washington | Matt Corral, QB | Washington needs a QB and doesn't overthink it. |
| 12. Vikings | Derek Stingley Jr, CB | Vikings happily take a risk on the most hyped corner prospect. |
| 13. Browns | Treylon Burks, WR | Browns get a sorely needed receiver. They want Baker to do well, but if he doesn't they'll look to get a QB in 2023 with no regrets. |
| 14. Ravens | Tyler Linderbaum, C | This team lives and die by Lamar Jackson so they take out an insurance policy. |
| 15. Eagles | Devin Lloyd, LB | Eagles defense was embarrassed a |
For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂
It really does, I swear!
Because she wanted to see the task manager.
But that’s comparing apples to oranges
Unedited; questionable language.
Previously: Pole dancing. Cat fighting. I think that might be just about every "previously on" description for this show.
It is morning. Rodeo works out. Sam brushes her teeth. Well, at least one girl has perfunctory hygiene. Heather reminds us that there are two camps in the house: the bad girls/A Team/varsity squad, who are her, Brandi C., Lacey, and Kristia; and the good girls, who are Magdalena, Erin, Jes, Mia, Sam, Dallas. Heather also calls these the "fake girls." Tough talk from a woman fashioned of silicone, rusty car parts, and Tang. Lacey tells us that she's feeling devil horns poking out of her skull, and is going to have to do something to get her current archnemesis, fur- and meat-loving Dallas, out of the house.
Big John delivers some Bret Mail: "Hope you're all rested/'Cause today your skills will be tested/Are you the one that goes fast?/Who puts the pedal to the gas?/Well, get geared up and ready to start/'Cause today you girls will race for my heart./The fastest four will win a date." Oh my God, could they not just add a "hurry up and don't be late" or something at the end? I can't bear the unresolved rhyming couplet! Kristia is psyched, because she's a big fan of the crosses -- motocross, supercross, snowcross, Jesus on the cross. She's all about it.
The girls get dressed and head to a motocross track, where there are bikes all lined up for them. Three helmeted folks come racing toward them. One is Bret, who takes off his helmet while ensuring that his black bandana doesn't come off in the process. And I mean, thank God. We've seen what's on top of his head, and it's quite possible that it has turned people blind and/or to stone. Bret is a big motorcycle and motocross fanatic -- he says that motocross is one of the most important things in his life, and he wants his lady to enjoy riding as well. He introduces his co-riders: nine-time women's world motocross champion (or something) Mercedes Gonzalez, and soon to be nine-time world champion Charity Okerson. Oh, yay, some real lesbians and not just Tawny and Heather doing shots out of each others' cleavage! Bret says that they're bitter rivals, and are going to take their aggression out on the contestants. On the motocross track. And perhaps off. I mean, who really knows? Erin looks terrified. I don't know why, since if she flies off of the bike and lands chest down she'll just bounce right back on. Heather, however, is psyched, and determined to win th
... keep reading on reddit ➡Heard they've been doing some shady business.
but then I remembered it was ground this morning.
Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale
Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments
They’re on standbi
And boy are my arms legs.
My daughter, Chewbecca, not so much.
Pilot on me!!
Nothing, he was gladiator.
Or would that be too forward thinking?
Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.
This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.
If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.
Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.
Hindus, on the other hand, never had any beef.
A play on words.
What did 0 say to 8 ?
" Nice Belt "
So What did 3 say to 8 ?
" Hey, you two stop making out "
When I got home, they were still there.
