A sloth walks in to a bar and waves to get the bartender’s attention, and says I’ll have ........ a soda water.

The bartender replies β€œwhy the long paws?”

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/varun_chakilam
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2019
🚨︎ report
What’s a lawyer’s favorite wave?

A tsunami!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tehmayormccheese
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Saw an old man jumping around and waving his arms to get his neighbor’s attention.

He must’ve been at deaf’s door.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Toboggabug
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2021
🚨︎ report
What did the ocean say to the beach?

Nothing, it just waved

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Birbboips4
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2021
🚨︎ report
What did sine and cos say to each other?

Nothing. They just waved.

πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rhshi14
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2021
🚨︎ report
The guy from dirty jobs is so talented!

In addition to his handiwork he has a really cool hidden talent. It’s almost like a superpower. With just the simplest gesture he can turn anything scalding hot. We call it the Mike Rowe wave.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrLionbear
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2021
🚨︎ report
How do oceans say hello?

They wave

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xIR0NPULSE
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2021
🚨︎ report
What did one ocean say to the other?

They didn’t say anything; they just waved.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChocolateChip2019
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2021
🚨︎ report
I only like rye bread!!!!

Poor Amber waves her grain

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Beatlesfan196450
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2021
🚨︎ report
Salty ocean

Do you think the ocean is salty because the land never waves back?

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Worried-Guava
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2021
🚨︎ report
A guy goes for a drive and his car stalls...

...right in front of a house where there’s a huge party going on. He walks in and notices that the party is somewhat divided. There’s a clear distinction between the people waiting for the bathroom and the people queued up for drinks, etc.

Considering the urgency of the bathroom queue, he walks over to the drinks table and asks everyone there if they wouldn’t mind helping him push his car to get it started. They agree but even with the full might of several people, the car doesn’t budge. He thanks them for trying and they all head back inside.

A little while later, the doorbell rings. The man sees the host open the door to the largest pizza guy he’s ever seen. The behemoth is holding 15 pizzas with one hand, a pallet of buffalo wings with the other, with a keg strapped to each shoulder. The man jumps up and asks the pizza guy for his help pushing the car. He agrees and they head to the street.

With barely one touch of a pinky on one hand, the car lurches forward and starts right up. The man drives off, waving behind him and yelling a quick, β€œThank you.”

As he catches sight of the party fading into the distance, he says to himself...

β€œThank goodness for the delivery because that punch line sure is weak.”

πŸ‘︎ 992
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πŸ‘€︎ u/silashoulder
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
🚨︎ report
censorship
πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jeaners7n9
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2019
🚨︎ report
What happened when the cargo ship full of books sank?

It caused a title wave!

πŸ‘︎ 85
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πŸ‘€︎ u/No_Gray_Area
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
🚨︎ report
I said hi to the sea

It just waved

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jamie-brittain
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2021
🚨︎ report
A women was getting petrol at a petrol station and spilt some on her arm.

She rubbed the petrol off and drove away. While on the road, she lit a cigarette and her arm caught on fire. Concerned, she started waving her arm out the side of the car.

Amongst all this, the police pulled her over. "What am I under arrest for?" The officer replied "for having a firearm"

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Radiation causing tiny ripples in water

Micro waves

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CrazedInventor
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
🚨︎ report
My 3.5 year olds favourite joke: how do the oceans say hello to each other?

They wave.

πŸ‘︎ 67
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/beardybrownie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
If a tree falls in the woods and nobody hears it

It means my illegal logging business is a success

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/taylorgs12
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
🚨︎ report
how do surfers say hi?

they wave

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Coonman28
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2021
🚨︎ report
Last night, taking a walk on the beach... Came across a police car stuck in the sand about 3 feet from the water...I asked the driver what happened...

He said the police were expecting a crime wave

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OrangeJeepWdw
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report
Why is the ocean always blue?

Because the shore never waves back.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/red_snake0329
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2021
🚨︎ report
Christmas warning

A warning to be careful about drink driving as we are getting close to Christmas and the police are out there checking on people. Tonight, I was at a friend's house for a few drinks. One thing lead to another and I had a few too many Jack Daniels and then went onto the Bailey's. Not a good idea. Knowing I was over the limit, I decided to leave my car at my friend's house, and took the bus home. Sure enough, I passed a police checkpoint at the top of the road where they were pulling over cars and performing breathalyser tests. Because I was on the bus, they just waved it past. I arrived home safely and without incident, which was a real surprise as I've never driven a bus before and I’m not even sure where I got it from...

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vanilakodey
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Wife got me with a jungle themed joke (Long-ish)

So we’ve got this FisherPrice Projector Mobile thing that projects a rotating imaging onto the ceiling. (Very nice little thing, highly suggest for babies)

Anyways... We’ve got it set up in the living room and Wife, Son, and I are laying on the ground in the dark watching it go round and round. It’s Jungle Themed, so a lion, elephant giraffe, tiger, a few monkeys, and so on...

We’re pointing out the different animals to Son and he’s repeating a few words here and there... When he starts waving and saying β€œHi” as a new animal rotates in.

So Wife goes, β€œHere comes the Lion. Can you say Hi to the Lion?”

And Son waves and says β€œHi!” and giggles.

Wife: β€œAnd there’s an Elephant! Can you Hi to the Elephant?”

Son: β€œHi... toots”

Wife: β€œYes! Toots! And here’s the next animal. Can you wave to the tiger?”

Son: β€œHi!”

Wife: β€œThat’s the β€˜Hi of the Tiger’”

Me: β€œ... πŸ’€ πŸ’€ πŸ’€β€

Wife: β€œYou love me... Look Son! A Zebra!”

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Desdomen
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
🚨︎ report
Got a math assignment from my teacher the other day...

When I glanced over the assignment , I noticed one of the problems was missing.

I waved down the teacher, and he came over and said, "Everything looking good?"

I said, "I don't see a problem here."

He looked at me and said, "Great!" and walked away.

πŸ‘︎ 71
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GrayWolf85
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Disappear
πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AnArousedCatfish
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2018
🚨︎ report
When the photon left its family behind,

It waved goodbye.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StochasticTinkr
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend asked me if I could name two different structures that hold water.

I said, "Well, dam..."

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fatandsalt
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2018
🚨︎ report
Credit goes to Puns on Facebook. I am partly colour blind and this is f’in funny!
πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/A_Good_Alibi
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2018
🚨︎ report
The ocean must have really bad social anxiety.

It never says hi. It just waves

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Edgy_Sama
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Why are sine waves not cosine waves?

cos sine waves are different.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BowelMovementator
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Physical dad jokes
  • Pretending to pick fleas out of my kids hair and then eating them.
  • Waving back at people who clearly aren't waving at me.
  • Intentionally missing a high five.
  • Pressing the car horn when I'm in the passenger seat and the teenager is driving slowly past other people.
  • Answering "Yes dear" in a falsetto voice when one of the kids yells for mum.

What else have you got?

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Magician: I can make anything disappear

Tom: *holding mug*
Do it to my tea

Magician: *waves hand*
Done

om: *holding cup*
It didn’t work...

πŸ‘︎ 58
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πŸ‘€︎ u/techtornado
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I was lonely until I glued a coffee cup to the roof of my car

Now everyone waves at me

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I was backing out of the parking lot earlier when I backed into a car! The driver was only 3 feet tall....!

He got out of the car and started waving his hands above his head! He kept yelling "I'm not Happy, I'm not Happy!"

So, I got out and yelled back, "Well, which one are you!?"

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Existence111111
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Announcement In Bar

A guy walks into a crowded bar, waving his unholstered pistol and yelled, "I have a .9mm Smith and Western with an eight shot magazine and I want to know who's been sleeping with my wife."

A deep voice from the back of the room called out, "You don't have enough ammo!"

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hayeshilton
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Two gay surfer guys walk into a bar...

They came in search of their adopted child. They ask the bartender, β€œHey, have you seen a small boy wandering around town looking lost? Sandy hair, blue eyes? He wandered off while we were catching some waves.” The bartender thinks for a second, then shakes his head and says, β€œNope, sorry bros. I just clocked in, but my coworker Fred is packing up now if you wanna check with him. He’s the one with the mustache by the door.” The couple walk over to the mustached man putting on a coat getting ready to leave, and inquire the same thing from him. Fred replies, β€œNow that you mention it, I think he came up to the counter a little while ago looking for you guys. I told him to come back in about 20 minutes when my shift ends so I can help him look around, but that was like half an hour ago. I’ve been waiting a little while, but I was just getting ready to leave.” Suddenly, the man points behind the surfer guys and exclaims, β€œHere comes the son, Dude and Dude 2!”

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/reltets
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call an electric oven that always gets dirty?

MikeRoweWave

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/piratecheese13
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I was dropping my kid off when I saw a wild Buffalo charging him

I yelled β€œBison!”

He looked back at me, waved, and said β€œbye dad!”

Poor kid never even saw the Buffalo before he got speared...

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tnoble2945
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I finally got to cash in on a joke today that I’ve been looking for a reason to use for years

Background: My family was at the lake today. The lake was a little choppy today so when we went on the boat we hit one really big wave where the front end of the boat came crashing down hard. My nephew (7) just happened to be sitting on a cup holder and it hurt his butt when we landed.

We got back to the house and my nephew said...

Nephew: my butt hurts. I think its broken.

Me: did I ever tell you about the time I broke my butt?

Nephew: no. Is it still broken?

Me: yeah. There’s a big crack in it still.

He didn’t get it. But all the other adults laughed/rolled their eyes. Stupid joke I know, but I don’t care.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LostPin
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the ocean say to the beach?

Nothing, it just waved...

(Sorry if this is a repost lol)

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/0071241
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2021
🚨︎ report
Why is the ocean so salty?

Because the land doesn't wave back.

πŸ‘︎ 50
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DENelson83
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
🚨︎ report
Why is the ocean salty?

Because the land never waves back.

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fatdaddy73
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
🚨︎ report
What did the ocean say to the beach?

Nothing. It just waved.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lead_the_leader
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the ocean say to the other ocean?

Nothing, they just waved.

πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AdityaBiswabandhu
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Why is the ocean so salty?

No one ever waves back

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Johnclark38
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the ocean say to the shore?

Nothing, it just waved.

πŸ‘︎ 441
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Why is the ocean salty?

Because the land didn’t wave back.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sadchowmrade
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2020
🚨︎ report

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