This isn’t mine and I don’t know who made it, but it’s been on my phone for so many years and I haven’t seen it on here yet. I hope you all love it as much as I do.
πŸ‘︎ 77
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DarkRune23
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Just found this store by chance called Ollie’s. Aside from all the great liquidation sales, the walls are a pun gold mine! I felt it be a crime not to post pictures of it on here. reddit.com/gallery/iij3ts
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KORZILLA-is-me
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2020
🚨︎ report
In the early 1900's, a number of protests arose because of employment of children in coal mines.

I suppose you could say the owners had a minor minor miner problem.

πŸ‘︎ 126
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πŸ‘€︎ u/poison_us
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I had a friend in high school who was a foreign exchange student, and he always took mine and my friend’s e-cigarettes

We called him the international juul thief

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/minimikjr
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I took my boat out to go fishing today. I looked over and saw my neighbor’s dock was parallel to mine.

I guess I found my self in a real β€œpara-docks”

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tacobob3831
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2019
🚨︎ report
My local cemetery is looking to resell mine and my wife’s burial plots to a new buyer...

We’re in grave danger

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jardnose
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2019
🚨︎ report
A friend of mine’s dog died...

So I got her an identical one. She was livid and said, β€œwhat am I going to do with 2 dead dogs?”

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/a_norris864
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2019
🚨︎ report
I accidentally wore my Spanish friend’s rain boots instead of mine.

Turns out these boots are made for Joaquin.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2019
🚨︎ report
I attended a child’s birthday party of a rich friend of mine, and it was extremely formal.

For fun, we went Roberting for apples.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2018
🚨︎ report
It’s a personal rule of mine to never tell jokes about sausages.

They’re just the wurst.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dan_the_Man0904
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2018
🚨︎ report
Just had this back and forth with my co-worker. Her husband works in explosives.

Me: seems appropriate for you and yours: http://www.reddit.com/r/dadjokes/comments/32gzy7/what_was_the_secret_to_the_miners_success/ Her: That’s a dynamite answer! Me: I noticed the explosion of laughter over there Her: Rock on! Me: gold-standard of jokes here Her: so precious Me: digging deep on that one Her: pickin away one at a time Me: we have definitely hit the pay dirt of mining puns Her: definite Honey Hole here! Me: not sure that joke bee-longs here Her: you are a total BUZZZZZZ kill Me: comb on it wasn’t that bad

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gabeanzelini
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2015
🚨︎ report
Crypto-currency has become so popular in Iceland that bit-mining has now overtaken the country’s music industry in total bandwidth usage.

This comes as little surprise however, as Iceland’s BjΓΆrk has always been worse than their byte.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ReviveTheCronut
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
🚨︎ report
He has got a point
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/7keletor
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
🚨︎ report
How much does a chimney cost?

It’s on the house.

πŸ‘︎ 736
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
🚨︎ report
My local pastor is a keen motor cyclist...

He's just bought himself a Holy Davidson.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you combine a porcupine and a turtle?

A slowpoke!

*a friend of mine told me this and I thought it would fit well here

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wqiu_f1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
🚨︎ report
People say I plagiarized my jokes

Their words, not mine

πŸ‘︎ 112
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πŸ‘€︎ u/clouc1223
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
🚨︎ report
Is it a crime to throw NaCl on someone's eyes?

It's assault

I know it's a salt but is it a crime?

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MAGICJJAFFFF
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Guys, we have got to start standing up to these bossy wives of ours.

That’s why when mine tells me to stop acting like a flamingo, I put my foot down.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wflancaster19
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2021
🚨︎ report
A lot of people accuse me of plagiarism.

But those are their words, not mine.

πŸ‘︎ 768
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Theunkillable
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the father say to his trans girl child?

"You're no son of mine"

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DottComm2863
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
🚨︎ report
You’re Hired!

A very skilled attorney interviews for a job at a prestigious firm. The managing partner looks over his resume and exclaims with glee, β€œOh my goodness! You’re so experienced! You’re hired, and you can name your salary!”

The interviewee paused for a moment and said β€œThank you. I’d like to call mine Dennis.”

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JakeMann220
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
🚨︎ report
Some people have an addiction to alcohol, some to drugs.

Mine was to sandpaper. It was wearing me down.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I FOUND A GIRLFRIEND ON TINDER!!!!!

she’s not mine

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AnBuachaillEire
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
🚨︎ report
Does anybody know how to charge their milk?

Mine is stuck at 1%

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/I_SHIT_A_BRICK
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Settle a pun debate

I asked two friends for the best pun Bond would utter if he'd just shoved a bad guy into a huge industrial deep-fat fryer. Their responses were:

Friend #1: "Play with fryer, get burnt.
(Isn't there an old saying of don't play with fire unless you want to get burnt?)"

Friend #2: "Why is my instinct to say cool off there?
Let's assume it's christmas. 'Thats a real Crisped Kringle' is what I'd say
Or do I know the guy's dad? Let's say I do. 'Youre a chip of the old block'"

I know, I need new friends. Do me a favour redditors and please tell me whose pun is least awful? And if you have any better ones, I'm all ears! (Mine was "Thank God it's fry day", I'm sure you can all do better).

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/creaky_thumbs
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
"Dad, how do you cast spells?"

"You just follow the instructions."

"Which instructions?"

"Yeah, they're the ones."

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheLaffGaff
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I just ended a 5 year old relationship.

Good thing it wasn't mine.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Cop: whose car is this? Where are you headed? What do you do?

Miner: Mine

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Schrodingers_liar
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I feel bad for pet rocks sometimes....

Why do people take rocks for granited?

I just hope mine doesn't dieorite.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/whoisapotato
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm sure my old dad is looking down on me

He's not dead, just really condescending.

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OliPark
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
🚨︎ report
DROP YOUR BEST PUNS FOR HISTORY DRINKING GAME

I'm creating a drinking game where every important event equals to drinking, but I am nowhere close to NAMING my drinking game. A friend of mine recommended this subreddit, saying that people drop some really punny puns here. Give your ideas for a title, I think up to 6 words would be okay.

Let's see what you can do!

What you need to know about the game:

  • You can create your timeline based on packages (ages, countries, continents, etc).
  • Every important event has a normal action and drinking action.
  • You never know in which year you are located but get an estimate year. You can either guess the year (or date) and get a free pass or you have to execute the action or drinking action. When you guess wrong, you'll have to double it.

That's basically it.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tyounr
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
🚨︎ report
My favorite holiday drink is the Little Drummer Boy...

It's one part rum, three parts pum.

(A favorite of mine from Tim Seidell)

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/metermind
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
🚨︎ report
When God was handing out brains

I thought he said trains and I missed mine

When he was handing out noses

I thought he said roses so I asked for a big red one

and he gave it me too

When he was handing out willies

I thought he said chillies

So I asked for a small hot one

Please add more below.......................

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Goldygold2
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
🚨︎ report
The other day I was on the dock talking to two of my neighbors… One of them had a cooler full of beers and snacks… Pulling out a beer pops the top and opening a bag of chips, he says β€œMy wife’s an angel

I said, β€œyou’re lucky – mine is still alive…”

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hayeshilton
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
A Chihuahua and a Bulldog are in a bar having a drink, when a good-looking female Collie comes up to them and says, "Whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me." So the Bulldog says, "I love liver and cheese." The Collie replies, "That's not good enough."

Finally, the Chihuahua says, "Liver alone, cheese mine."

πŸ‘︎ 108
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jigsatics
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
🚨︎ report
My children got their good looks from their mother.

I kept mine.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/holysitkit
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Why does Norway and Sweden’s navy have barcodes on the side of their ships?

So the can scandinavian

Can’t take credit for this one. A client of mine told me this.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DeutscheTaters
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I had a date with a demon last night...

But I’m not really into the possessive type.

(My brotherβ€˜s joke not mine)

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JohnnyXorron
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
A man walks into a zoo. The only animal in the entire zoo is a dog.

....

It was a shitzu.

EDIT: For those who say it's "stolen", i had no idea. A friend of mine told me this one yesterday and i just had to post it. That's it :)

πŸ‘︎ 16k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gomass4
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I always tell people, my ex-wife has my sense of humor

That witch took everything of mine

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MikeMan17
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
🚨︎ report

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