My 16yo son was on a long video chat with his girlfriend and wouldn't come out of his room for dinner. I barged in and yelled:
"Son, I got ya that hemroid cream you asked for."
He died laughing. His girlfriend died laughing. His girlfriend's mom was on screen in the background, she died laughing.
It was a good hit. Glad I he's dating a girl who saw the humor in it.
My dad just came into my room and yelled "I'M AN EGYPTIAN KING! I'M A FARAO!"
Then he walked over to me and said
"Now I'm a close-aoh"
I need to make this man a Reddit account so he will stop telling me these jokes
A woman brings her ferret in for an exam today. When I went into the room, a second ferret poked its head out of her bag. In delighted surprise I exclaimed “oh you have two!”
And she responded, “yes, I am a small business owner”
My 5 year old just ran out of her room to tell me this joke she just thought up: what did the cow say after he was fed?
Moooooooooore!
I've never been this proud of anything in my life.
I think my friend is a communist. I walked into his room and saw the USSR flag on the wall
I mean… that’s a big red flag
Why can't astronauts book a room in the moon?
What's the warmest spot in a room?
The corners, they're usually 90°.
My wife walked across the room and tripped over my slippers so I said..
"Careful, they're slippery."
She did not laugh.
My daughter was playing Fortnite in the other room when I called for her for dinner. When she didn't come I went over to her and gently nudged her with my knee knocking her off balance a little bit. When she responded, "what was that for?" I said,
"I kneed you to stop playing Fortnite. It's time for dinner"
Why did Captain Kirk go in to the ladies room?
Because he wanted to go where no man had gone before.
My biggest fear is being trapped in a room with santa
I guess you can say I’m claustrophobic
I saw a bunch of ants just wandering around in my room yesterday.
I felt bad, so I made them a little house.
They all moved in, and I think that this makes me their landlord.
So this means that they are my...
Tenants
Man (at a hotel): "I'd like to book a room please."
Employee: "I'm sorry, but we don't have one available."
Man: "But my name is Improvement."
Employee: "I don't see what difference that makes."
Man: "There's always room for Improvement!"
I was hired by an elementary school to glue the numbers 1 - 10 in the class rooms. But I never made it past 9
I have a glue ten intolerance.
Why does a 10 year old soccer prodigy never clean his room?
Because his really wants to be Messi
A man loses three fingers in a work accident. He goes to the Emergency room and asks the doctor... "Will I be able to drive with this hand?". The doctor replies...
"Maybe. But I wouldn't count on it."
Have I told too many dad jokes to my kids? I asked my 6 year old daughter to please pick up the living room.
She replied “But Daddy I can’t; the living room is too heavy for me to pick up!”
Imagine walking into a room and there is just a line of people whaiting to punch you in the face
Yea… That‘s the punchline
A play on words enters a room and stabs a dozen people. Only two survive.
How do you stay warm in a cold room?
Stand in the corner! It’s always 90 degrees.
In the 80's and 90's, I was so addicted to rap that I would hang posters of my favorite artists all over my room. One day, I was ready hang yet another one. I marked the perfect spot on the wall, picked up a nail, and then thought to myself... stop.
What room is never haunted by ghosts?
Any room can be a panic room...
How much room is needed for fungi to grow?
What kind of room has no doors?
A newly wed couple goes to the emergency room, both claiming to have extreme pain in their lower abdomens…
The nurses run some tests and eventually do an X-ray of their intestines. When the doctor comes in, the husband asks, "Well, what's the verdict?" The doctor says, "Congratulations, it's his and hernias."
Should I be worried that my children are in the other room quietly reading through the "S" entries of the dictionary?
I think they're up to something.
Son: "Dad, thanks for getting me an elephant to put in my room."
What did the BTS fan say when her dad told her to clean her room?
Sophie Ellis Bextor has been motionless on the floor of a hotel room belonging to a famous french footballer.
It was muder on Zidane's floor
I found a mouse in my living room this morning
Why did the fly on the toilet leave the room?
Did you hear about the guy who grew fungi in every room in his house?
He didn't have mushroom for anything else.
I asked the decorater who was painting my living room wall how many coats he was putting on
He said none if you turned your heating up a bit.
I got lucky and got extra leg room on my last flight!
Dads...Get revenge on your children, by rushing into their room at 4am and asking them...
If you can open your Fathers Day presents.
A doctor was examining a patient when a nurse burst in and said, “Doctor, the Invisible Man is waiting for you in the waiting room.”
The doctor replied, “That’s a good place to wait. Tell him I can’t see him now.”
My 9 year old hit me with a 1 - 2 this morning!
I’m brushing her hair.
“Dad, you know why my hair SO tangled this morning?”
“I don’t know buddy.”
“Because it’s so naughty!”
Brush drop…back to brushing.
“I had to sleep in the corner of my room because the air conditioning was too cold last night dad.”
“What?”
“My corner’s always 90 degrees.”
I almost shed a tear of pride. 😃
Why did Depeche Mode always request Babybel in their dressing room while on tour?
So they could each have
Their own
Personal
Cheeses
A hotel wanted to charge me extra for a room with airconditioning
Every time I sit down in the living room I will either lose my keys, my wallet, or my phone between the cushions.
How do you get warm in a cold room?
Pun enters a room and kills 10 people
Doctor, doctor, there's an invisible man in the waiting room.
Well tell him that I can't see him.
My biggest fear is being trapped in a small room with Santa.
My biggest fear is being trapped in a small room with Santa.
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
