Baby Corvidae

Grandma and I have been learning that the ravens and crows here in the Rocky Mountains are from the family "Corvidae." So, as their babies took flight for the first time today, we decided that the sky is filled with flying "Corvettes." They are adorable.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SpasticArdvaark
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2020
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If Dwayne Johson was fat, what would you call his manboobs?

The Rocky Mountains

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Assfrontation
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
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My wife and I met at the store when we were both buying a copy of the Disney movie β€œup”

It was the perfect meet cute and we kept both copies even after getting married. It was sweet. Not all things are meant to last and when things got a bit rocky we decided to get divorced. I let her keep the apartment and moved my stuff out. Unfortunately, we live in one of those states that mail out ballots. She sent me a text a week after I had left to let me know my ballot had come to the apartment. We had ended things amicably, but neither of us wanted to see each other so soon. Committed to my civic duty, I dropped by after work the next day. When she opened the door she was in tears. She had me come in and I immediately saw it, I had forgotten to take my copy of the movie. Somehow, this felt more final than actually signing the divorce papers. I still cared about her, so I asked if she wanted to talk at all. She shook her head and said through tears, β€œJust take your Up, vote and go.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Silent--Soliloquy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2019
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Did you hear about the fight in the biscuit tin?

The bandit hit the penguin over the head with a club, tied him to a wagon wheel with a blue ribbon, and made his breakaway in a taxi, escaping along the rocky road to mars, the milky way, and the Galaxy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BadgerEatCheese
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2020
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I thought about buying an ice cream truck and starting up my own business

But I heard the ice cream market is a rocky road

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KnightAngelic
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2019
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Did you hear they're remaking the movie Anaconda starring Sylvester Stallone?

They're gonna call it Rocky Balboa Constrictor

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πŸ‘€︎ u/trollcitybandit
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2020
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My wife and I started fighting each other whilst wearing boxing gloves and 'Eye of the Tiger' playing in the background...

We are going through a Rocky patch!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2019
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This morning I got beat up by Sylvester Stallone

It was a Rocky start of the day.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ladamaster92
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2019
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[ACTUAL QUOTE] A$AP Rocky was released from Swedish prison today. Donald Trump's tweet in response to his release:

"A$AP Rocky released from prison and on his way home to the United States from Sweden. It was a Rocky Week, get home ASAP A$AP!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gentlesir123
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2019
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I'm writing a screenplay where a giant snake swallows Dwayne Johnson.

The title: Rocky-Bowel Boa

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πŸ‘€︎ u/perverseverence
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2019
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I didn't like the Sylvester Stallone movies where he was a boxer at first.

It started out Rocky, but now it's a creed I live by.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2019
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What do you call a rock who just won’t give up?

Rocky

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wimple007
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2019
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Stallone and his wife parted ways.

Coz they had a Rocky relationship

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jeffmin3
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2018
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I bet the career of a geologist can be...

Pretty rocky at times. Though I am sure if they can stay grounded they won't get buried by it all.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IDreamofNarwhals
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2017
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What do you call a guy with no arms or legs inside a quarry?

Rocky!

Reposted to fix typo in headline.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Knivez51
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2018
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Waiting outside a restaurant with my dad

Family just finished eating, and my father and I stepped outside. We noticed some ice cream spilled on the rough gravel of the parking lot.

Dad: what flavor does that look like to you?

Me: I don't know. Maybe mint?

Dad: I was thinking rocky road.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mosk3
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2013
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Went to the Zoo with this girl I'm seeing...

We got to this rocky enclosure they made for mountain goats, who were all just hanging out on this huge rock face. Right at the top there was this really big goat, looking all majestic with a very fluffy coat.

Girl: Look at that one at the top, he's looking over the rest like some kind of big boss.

Me: Yeah, they call him the Goatfather.

She walked away while I keeled over in laughter.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ViolentWanderer
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2016
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For breakfast I used to have cereal. Then I moved to muffins, to doughnuts and then to combination of chocolate, biscuits and marshmallows...

It's a rocky road.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2018
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Most people just do not appreciate chocolate ice cream with nuts and marshmallows as much as I do.

I know, it's only Rocky Road, but I like it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrthatsthat
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2018
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My wife and I keep arguing about ice cream.

Our relationship is going down a rocky road.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hwf0712
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2017
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I was sitting in my dad's recliner when he came home.

He says to my mom "Honey, did rocky(our dog) crap in my chair?" " WHAT?! No. Why?" " because there's a turd in it"

Commence 15 minutes of laughter.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jabman96
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2013
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Help! I need a pun!!!

My girlfriend's dad (Rocky) makes his own wine and I want to make him a bunch of punny labels for the bottles as a Christmas present. Current leading contenders are:

  • Rocky and Bull-wine-kle's Alcoholic Grape Juice
  • Rocky Start Wineries
  • Rock Hard Wine

Any more suggestions would be greatly appreciated! Sorry for all the wine-ing...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WebberWoods
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2014
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My three year old son dad joked me

On the way to the beach I asked him if he thought we were going to a sandy beach, or a rocky beach. He replied with, " A sandy beach, that's why it's called San Diego!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/blackcloudAZ
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2013
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Studies show Colorado men are more likely to go bald...

...the hair is just thinner in the Rockies

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ace_dreacon
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2016
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[Daily Jumble] Sylvester Stallone wanted to go for a relaxing swim at the beach, but it was...

...too "Rocky".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bbbbirdistheword
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2014
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Cell reception in New Mexico.

I'm on vacation with my family out west (from Michigan) and were passing through New Mexico and I decide to pass the time on my phone but I look at my reception and I'm getting 0-2 bars so I say outloud "The cell reception is a little rocky out here!"

The groans/chuckles were amazing!

Edit: I'm not a dad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zamibe
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2015
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My Dad On The Subject of Traveling

"Whenever you get the chance, the Rocky Mountains are definitely worth visiting. Or, at the very least, they're worth a peak."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ce1337
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2014
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My wife and I started fighting each other whilst wearing boxing gloves and 'Eye of the Tiger' playing in the background...

We are going through a Rocky patch!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2019
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