Grizzly on the rocks
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LazyAssassin99
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2020
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Grizzly bear walks into a bar. Says to the bartender "i'll have a whiskey..................on the rocks, please" bartender asks "whats with the big pause?"

Grizzly looks perplexed and replies "Ive had them all my life"

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Carr3iroh
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
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i started taking lessons on rock climbing

Hopefully soon i get the hang of it.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slymood
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
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Straight, neat, or on the rocks?
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_Jockstrap
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2020
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Dwayne "the Rock" Johnson showed me pictures of his kids on his phone.

He was pretty sedimental.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SwimmingNaked
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2020
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A rock I saw on my walk
πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jamatuzi2
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2020
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Daughter: Dad, I have a crush on The Rock

Dad: Keep at it! You will eventually wind up with a diamond !

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πŸ‘€︎ u/phish_tacos
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
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Do you think anyone has ever slapped Dwayne Johnson on the butt and then proclaimed, "well I've hit rock bottom"

Edit: get consent people

"Mr. Rock, may I slap your behind for the sake of an amazing pun that the people will remember for years to come"

πŸ‘︎ 17k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/asbestos_fingers
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2018
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Why is a rock that fell from the sky more delicious than one you find on the ground?

It’s meteor.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/passlake
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2020
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Dads get their rocks off on AB
πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stone_in_NC
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2020
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How do you call a Middle-Earth herb that grows on Rivendell rocks?

>!Elvish Parsley.!<

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bomsusik
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2020
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Never drop a volcano rock on your foot...

...You'll Krakatoa

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/headexpl0dy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2020
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My wife asked me to introduce our kids to the 90s rock I grew up on.

I told her sure but some of it is Garbage.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bobsaid
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2019
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What did the caveman cat say when a rock fell on his foot?

Me-ow

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Your_second_mum
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2019
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Do you know the worst part about books on rock climbing?

Too many cliffhangers.

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hoodieninja86
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2019
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you’re a ROCK STAR, get the show on, get paid
πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PetaDontSueMe
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2019
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If you play rock, paper, scissors on a treadmill, always choose paper.

Everyone knows you don't run with scissors.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Roivas14
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2019
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Rock Star Adam Ant might go on tour again but he ran into a few snags...

He remains adamant though.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2019
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Two doctors are out hiking and the first one trips and cuts his knee pretty badly on a rock. The second doctor says, "That looks pretty bad. Want me to stitch that up for you?" The first doctor says, "Nah, I got it."

The second doctor responds, "Suture self."

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bruce_lees_ghost
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2019
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Scotch on the rocks with a twist
πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jakek931
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2018
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What did the 70s rock singer say when his son asked whether their suitcase was a carry on or a checked bag?

Carry on, my wayward son

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/localwheatdealer
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2019
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Used a fabric softener bottle to spread rock salt on the driveway, had to label it properly
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2015
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I like my scotch on the rocks.
πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/smithtomkundi1
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2018
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Rivers love the little rocks on their floor so much, they carry them everywhere they go. Riveres are incredibly sedimental
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Denye_Azadini
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2018
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My dad picks up a rock on a beach

Dad: Wow! I have never seen such a beautiful sex stone!

Me (14 years old): What.... what's a sex stone?

Dad: What do you mean, "what's a sex stone?" It's a fuckin' rock!

πŸ‘︎ 588
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πŸ‘€︎ u/flutterbug32
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2013
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The hit Sisyphus Starship song: We Built This City on Rocks that Roll
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Asajz
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2017
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There's a huge rock on the other side of the speed bump on my street.

It causes a lot of axle dents.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrthatsthat
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2018
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My daughter just told me she passed her exam on rock identification.

I said "That's gneiss."

(True story)

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/citizencool
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2017
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So this European comedy group is working on a movie with a bizarre plot - apparently a famous rock guitarist and drummer gains control of the weather and sends it haywire.

The movie is going to be called, Monty Python and the Grohly Hail.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/whosevelt
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2017
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Today while on a steep upslope during a hike my son was walking up the shale rock beside the path with some difficulty. In frustration he shouted, "Why am I doing this?" And I responded...

"Well, recently didn't you say you wanted to live a bolder life?" Zing!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Freklred
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2016
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I love listening to 90's rock on my Dr. Dre headphones!

It really Beats the Alternative!

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bilzar1
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2015
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Dads take on vegetable based rock bands

This is an older story, I think it was roughly 98 or 99. My little brother was getting into rock and was listening to Limp Biskit and Korn. He saved up some money to get a CD so my dad took him to Sam Goody. My little brother gets the newest hit record by Korn and brings it to the counter and check out. With my dad by his side, he places the record on the counter and the late nineties rocker chick, loaded up with tons of eye liner and hot topic wear working the cash register says "oh yeah! I love Korn, I know everything about them, I have all their records." Without a fucking second thought and the straightest face, my dad says "I guess that makes you a little corny."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LDdesign
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2015
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If The Rock walked in on someone having a baby during San Andreas movie

He would've said, "so you're having a birth-quake?"

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aaron1312
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2015
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So I went hiking, took some pictures of a massive rock formation, and posted them on facebook.

A friend asked, β€œWhat rock is that?”

I reply, β€œI am not sure that rock has a name.”

My uncle chimes in.

β€œThey wouldn't answer to their names anyway.”

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2014
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