Grizzly bear walks into a bar. Says to the bartender "i'll have a whiskey..................on the rocks, please" bartender asks "whats with the big pause?"
Grizzly looks perplexed and replies "Ive had them all my life"
i started taking lessons on rock climbing
Hopefully soon i get the hang of it.
Straight, neat, or on the rocks?
Dwayne "the Rock" Johnson showed me pictures of his kids on his phone.
He was pretty sedimental.
Daughter: Dad, I have a crush on The Rock
Dad: Keep at it! You will eventually wind up with a diamond !
Do you think anyone has ever slapped Dwayne Johnson on the butt and then proclaimed, "well I've hit rock bottom"
Edit: get consent people
"Mr. Rock, may I slap your behind for the sake of an amazing pun that the people will remember for years to come"
Why is a rock that fell from the sky more delicious than one you find on the ground?
Dads get their rocks off on AB
How do you call a Middle-Earth herb that grows on Rivendell rocks?
Never drop a volcano rock on your foot...
My wife asked me to introduce our kids to the 90s rock I grew up on.
I told her sure but some of it is Garbage.
What did the caveman cat say when a rock fell on his foot?
Do you know the worst part about books on rock climbing?
you’re a ROCK STAR, get the show on, get paid
If you play rock, paper, scissors on a treadmill, always choose paper.
Everyone knows you don't run with scissors.
Rock Star Adam Ant might go on tour again but he ran into a few snags...
He remains adamant though.
Two doctors are out hiking and the first one trips and cuts his knee pretty badly on a rock. The second doctor says, "That looks pretty bad. Want me to stitch that up for you?" The first doctor says, "Nah, I got it."
The second doctor responds, "Suture self."
Scotch on the rocks with a twist
What did the 70s rock singer say when his son asked whether their suitcase was a carry on or a checked bag?
Used a fabric softener bottle to spread rock salt on the driveway, had to label it properly
I like my scotch on the rocks.
Rivers love the little rocks on their floor so much, they carry them everywhere they go. Riveres are incredibly sedimental
My dad picks up a rock on a beach
Dad: Wow! I have never seen such a beautiful sex stone!
Me (14 years old): What.... what's a sex stone?
Dad: What do you mean, "what's a sex stone?" It's a fuckin' rock!
The hit Sisyphus Starship song: We Built This City on Rocks that Roll
There's a huge rock on the other side of the speed bump on my street.
It causes a lot of axle dents.
My daughter just told me she passed her exam on rock identification.
I said "That's gneiss."
(True story)
So this European comedy group is working on a movie with a bizarre plot - apparently a famous rock guitarist and drummer gains control of the weather and sends it haywire.
The movie is going to be called, Monty Python and the Grohly Hail.
Today while on a steep upslope during a hike my son was walking up the shale rock beside the path with some difficulty. In frustration he shouted, "Why am I doing this?" And I responded...
"Well, recently didn't you say you wanted to live a bolder life?" Zing!
I love listening to 90's rock on my Dr. Dre headphones!
It really Beats the Alternative!
Dads take on vegetable based rock bands
This is an older story, I think it was roughly 98 or 99. My little brother was getting into rock and was listening to Limp Biskit and Korn. He saved up some money to get a CD so my dad took him to Sam Goody.
My little brother gets the newest hit record by Korn and brings it to the counter and check out. With my dad by his side, he places the record on the counter and the late nineties rocker chick, loaded up with tons of eye liner and hot topic wear working the cash register says "oh yeah! I love Korn, I know everything about them, I have all their records."
Without a fucking second thought and the straightest face, my dad says "I guess that makes you a little corny."
If The Rock walked in on someone having a baby during San Andreas movie
He would've said, "so you're having a birth-quake?"
So I went hiking, took some pictures of a massive rock formation, and posted them on facebook.
A friend asked, “What rock is that?”
I reply, “I am not sure that rock has a name.”
My uncle chimes in.
“They wouldn't answer to their names anyway.”
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