Retainer Puns

Because that work is habit forming.

I know it’s only six words, but it’s a start.

They all tell me I can pay them in retainers.

He only works on retainer.

With winter pretty much here my little garage ship has been getting pretty cold. I have poor circulation so my fingers become icicles and I drop tools, which can be very dangerous. So I duct taped some gloves to some German electric power tools. This way I keep my fingers warm while still retaining my Fein motor control.

They keep them on retainer.

So I am building a stone retaining wall at my house after work yesterday. Been at it for about an hour and a half before my fiance gets home from her job. She stops on the porch, looks at me, and just says, 'You Rockstar!' I couldn't help but smile. PS, I then had to tell her about this subreddit...

Me, the "dad", if I can still retain that title: I recorded Gravity. Want to watch it?
Wife: Nah, let's watch something lighter, that's too heavy.

So my wife is learning sign language in college and will come home excited about all the stuff she has learned and will try to teach me. The only thing I've retained so far is yes and no. So when I ask her something that she wants to say no to, she'll sign it (thumb, index, and middle finger spread out, and then closing, like squishing a bug). I'll reply to this with just the opposite, opening those three fingers. That is not the correct sign for yes, the correct sign is like knocking on a door. Well when she does that to correct me, I yell "Who's there?!"

She's going to divorce, I just know it.

So me and my gf were on the way back from a Front Bottoms concert in London, getting a lift back with her dad and shes telling the story of the night to him when she gets onto the topic of her photography and says:

"I love my new camera, I was able to zoom in & retain great quality! I got some sweet pictures of the lead singers head and shoulders"

To which I chimed in with:

"Yeah, you should have tried to get his knees and toes as well!"

I can still hear the groans now.